Sheldon: This is oddly reminiscent of a dinner with my family.
Paige: You're funny.
Sheldon: I know.

Paige: My family never eats dinner together.
Sheldon: Why not?
Paige: My dad always manages to come home from work after we're done.
Sheldon: Hmm. My dad never misses a meal.

Paige: Do you think Stone Age parents stayed together forever?
Sheldon: They had to. There were no lawyers.
Paige: [LAUGHS]
Sheldon: What?
Paige: That was funny.
Sheldon: Right, we've established I'm funny.

Paige: Well, I think my parents are getting a divorce.
Sheldon: Why?
Paige: They fight all the time.
Sheldon: About what?
Paige: Mostly me.
Sheldon: Hmm. That's too bad. I guess I'm lucky.
Paige: Why?
Sheldon: I'm the glue that holds our family together.

Billy Sparks: Okay, ten cents a week for a whole year. I get the raccoon, and to tell people you're my girlfriend.
Missy: 15 cents a week, and if you say hello to me in school, I'll say hello back.
Billy Sparks: Deal.

George: Want to hear something cool? Sheldon skipped out of that lecture with that little Paige girl, snuck into a closed exhibit.
Mary: You're kidding.
George: True. [LAUGHS] Even got, uh, "arrested" by the museum security cops.
Mary: Why would you think that's cool?
George: Sheldon got into trouble with a girl! I'm bursting with pride.
Mary: [SIGHS] You know what? I don't want to talk about it.
George: There, right there. That's why I love you.

Adult Sheldon: From a young age, I was the proud member of several elite organizations: The Radio Shack Battery Club, entitling the bearer to the incredible bargain of one free battery per month. It's no wonder they went out of business.
Starfleet International, entitling the bearer to say things like, "I'm a member of Starfleet International."
And best of all, the Natural Science Museum of Texas, which included a free subscription to their magazine.
Sheldon: "The secrets of carbon isotope dating." Juicy.

Dr. Barrett: This is a nice surprise. I don't usually see young people at my lectures.
Paige: I enjoyed your paper on accelerator mass spectrometry, and wanted to find out more.
Dr. Barrett: Is that so? And you?
Sheldon: I read this magazine.
Dr. Barrett: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: It has puzzles, too.
Dr. Barrett: Okay.

Linda: I mean, you, of all people, would understand. You've got a special child of your own.
George: I do, I do.
Linda: How do you and Mary handle the stress?
George: Well, we actually have a pretty good system.
Linda: Oh, please tell me.
George: We don't talk about it.
Linda: Not at all?
George: Zippo.
Linda: Boy, that doesn't sound like it could work.
George: Suit yourself, but I'm having a nice day; you're crying into your peach cobbler.

Meemaw: Just take it off, damn it. [Meemaw storms off]
Dr. John Sturgis: What just happened?
Mary: That's my dad's jacket.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. Still don't know what happened.

Linda: And then when Paige turned six, it was obvious she wasn't like the other kids, and she needed a school where she could excel.
George: Uh-huh.
Linda: But Barry's dental practice was 50 miles outside of Fayetteville, and do you know what's available for extraordinary children 50 miles outside of Fayetteville?
George: I'm gonna guess not much.
Linda: Nothing. So I packed us up, and I made him move to Texas where, believe it or not, people do get cavities.
George: I believe it. I had a humdinger last summer. Face swelled up like a cantaloupe.

Sheldon: Did you know that her parents are getting a divorce?
George: Just keep walking. Keep walking.

Mary: Dad's clothes, his shoes, his pipes?
Meemaw: Honey, it's just stuff. I know, but still I get how you're feeling. I do. Now go away. I got a lot of crap to sell.

Mary: Oh, you're selling his golf clubs, too?
Meemaw: Which one of your children do you see hanging out with Arnold Palmer in the future?

Mary: Really? It was his first attempt at taxidermy. He was so proud.
Meemaw: If it has sentimental value to you, I'll let you have it for five dollars.
Mary: Ooh. For this nasty thing?