Meemaw: Well, the laundromat's a cash business.
Mandy: That's mostly just quarters, though, isn't it?
Meemaw: Uh, yeah, but, well, now we've got the video store, and I'm not real big on banks.
Mandy: Because you lived through the Depression?
Meemaw: Yeah. [insincere laugh]

[As the rain pours down outside, Georgie finds Sheldon sitting on his bed holding a bucket]
George Jr.: Hey, I brought some pizza home, come on.
Sheldon: Can't.
George Jr.: Sheldon, there ain't no leaks.
Sheldon: There might be. I can't risk it.
George Jr.: You want me to bring you a slice in here?
Sheldon: What about crumbs? Crumbs attract bugs. Bugs bring disease.

George Sr.: I don't know how he's gonna coach the game on Friday night.
Mary: Poor man. Can you believe his marriage falling apart like that?
George Sr.: I know. If it was gonna happen to anybody, you'd think it'd be us.
Mary: Ain't that the truth. [George chuckles]

Mandy: Uh, what's your question?
Sheldon: Thanks, Niblingo. I've heard that pregnant women eat for two. Does that mean that you need two full-size portions?
Missy: I guess Dad's pregnant then.
Mandy: One portion should be fine, considering the baby's the size of a golf ball.
Sheldon: Actually, according to my calculations, the baby's the size of a bell pepper. Although I could be off. When was your last menstruation?
Mary: You do not need to answer that.
Mandy: I was not going to.

Sheldon: That's Commander Data. He's an android, but he aspires to be human. Which, if you ask me, is a step in the wrong direction.

Missy: You know, twins run in our family.
Mandy: It's not twins.
Sheldon: That's too bad. It would double your chances of having a remarkable child. Like me.
Missy: Or a child that people like.
Mary: Just eat your dinner.

Mary: What about the baby shower? People are gonna want to know.
George Jr.: Oh, yeah. We got to have a baby shower. Remind me what a baby shower is.

Sheldon: Did you know the modern baby shower has history that goes back to ancient Egyptian and Greek civilizations? [Sheldon points to himself] Remarkable.

George Sr.: Great practice. Let's gather round, take a knee. All right, Coach. They're all yours.
Coach Wilkins: Thank you, George. Look at you guys. Young, strong, all your hopes and dreams in front of you. None of you have any idea of what's out there waiting for you.
George Sr.: Wayne, where you going with it?
Coach Wilkins: A team requires trust. Sure, you can count on your teammates when the ball is snapped. But can you count on them when they're away at a teachers conference with the woman you were gonna spend your life with? Hmm?
George Sr.: Okay. "Team" on three.

[Sheldon and Missy stand near the couch where Coach Wilkins is asleep and snoring]
Missy: [whispers] What's he doing here?
Sheldon: I don't know. But more importantly, would it be rude if I watch television?
[Sheldon and Missy go to their parents' bedroom]
Missy: [whispers] Mom. Mom.
Mary: What?
Missy: Why is Coach Wilkins asleep on the couch?
Sheldon: No, the question is can I watch TV with Coach Wilkins asleep on the couch? It's a subtle but important difference.
George Sr.: Get out.

Nurse: Ms. McAllister, we don't have any insurance information on file for you.
Meemaw: Oh, that's all right. We'll be paying in cash.
Nurse: Cash?
Meemaw: [removes money from bra] In God we trust.
Mandy: You always carry that much cash around?
Meemaw: Do you think there's just boobs in this bra? [chuckles]

George Jr.: Over in this aisle we've got your new releases. Here are your action and adventures... Your Stallones, your Schwarzeneggers, your Van Dammes, and of course we have a whole row of chick flicks, known in the movie biz as rom-coms.
Mandy: Do not enter? What's back there?
George Jr.: Oh, that? That's just some storage and a bunch of machines that rewind the tapes when people are not kind and don't rewind.

Meemaw: Let's take a walk.
George Jr.: Try and keep an open mind. [slot machines chiming]
Mandy: Oh, my God.
George Jr.: See? Not drugs.
Meemaw: And that is the sound of a 22% house advantage.

George Jr.: I know it's a lot.
Mandy: It's amazing. [chuckles]
George Jr.: It is?
Mandy: My kid's going to private school. You're going to private school!

George Jr.: Surprise.
Mandy: You got me an ugly car?
George Jr.: No, I bought me a family car.
Mandy: What about your Mustang?
George Jr.: I traded it in.
Mandy: For this?
George Jr.: That's what the guy at the lot said.

George Jr.: Give me the bucket. I'll watch for leaks while you go eat.
Sheldon: Really?
George Jr.: Yeah.
Sheldon: Okay. But keep an eye above the computer, that's the heart of my whole operation.
George Jr.: Got it.
Sheldon: And the train set.
George Jr.: Go eat.

Sheldon: Status report?
George Jr.: Dry as a bone.
Sheldon: So, I have time for a second slice?
George Jr.: Go nuts.
Sheldon: Copy. [exits]
George Jr.: If our kid's weird, I'm ready. [Mandy laughs]

Meemaw: Morning.
Mandy: Oh. You're up early.
Meemaw: You were out late.
Mandy: Uh, yeah. I was just, uh...
Meemaw: I know where you were.
Mandy: Okay. Do we need to talk about this?
Meemaw: I'm happy to just enjoy the awkwardness.
Mandy: [exhales] Great. Well... I'm gonna go.
Meemaw: And I'm gonna watch you.
[As Mandy turns and walks towards the stairs, she looks back and sees Meemaw watching her. Meemaw gives her a little wave. Mandy waves back and heads up the stairs.]

George Jr.: Thanks, but I got to get to work.
Mandy: It's a laundromat. Doesn't it kind of run on its own? [flashback of the gambling room] You'd think that, but there's a lot of technical issues... Lint and such.
Mandy: Okay. Good night.
George Jr.: Good night. [Mandy goes inside] Look at me. Just chipping away at the ice.

George Jr.: All right, almost there.
Mandy: I don't know about this. The last surprise you got me is pressing on my bladder.

Mandy: [scoffs] But you love that Mustang.
George Jr.: Yeah, but there was no way I was gonna get a baby seat in the back.
Mandy: Well, that's very thoughtful.
George Jr.: And these things are real safe, too. My mom has one. When I was little, she hit an ice cream truck with it. I didn't even wake up.

Sheldon: Niblingo, I have a question.
George Sr.: Niblingo?
Missy: He made it up.
Sheldon: I coined it because there was no word to denote the unmarried mother of our niece or nephew.
Mandy: Sheldon, that sounds rude.
Sheldon: Do you have a better word for the unmarried mother of a niece or nephew?
Mary: [exhales] I'm not sure we need one.
Mandy: I think it's sweet. Kind of.

George Sr.: What do you want to do?
Principal Petersen: Oh, I don't know. We can't leave him here.
George Sr.: Let's take him to your place.
Principal Petersen: I can't do that.
George Sr.: Why not?
Principal Petersen: If I took in every teacher with marital problems, my apartment would look like a firehouse.

George Sr.: Fine. Wayne, grab your pants. You're coming with me.
Coach Wilkins: I don't want to be around you and your happy family.
George Sr.: Happy? Uh, couple days with us and you'll be glad that kid ain't yours. Let's go. Pants.

Mandy: Well, thanks again. That was fun.
George Jr.: Really? Dinner with my family?
Mandy: My family won't talk to me at all. So, I'll take "niblingo" and a home-cooked meal any day.
George Jr.: Well, you're always welcome.
Mandy: I think there's ice cream in the freezer, if you want to come in. I mean, I'm gonna eat it, but you can watch.

Mary: Are you gonna find out the sex?
Mandy: Yes.
George Jr.: No.
Mandy: No?
George Jr.: I want to be surprised.
Mandy: I don't like surprises.

[Sheldon goes into the den and finds Coach Wilkins snoring on the couch]
Sheldon: Well, this is a wrinkle.
[Sheldon walks to Missy's room and knocks on the door]
Missy: Missy. [knocks] Missy.
Missy: [o.s.] What?
Sheldon: An issue of social protocol has arisen, and I need your input.

George Sr.: Thanks, Tom.
Principal Petersen: You bet.
[George shakes Petersen's hand and pulls him in for a bear hug, getting his jacket wet and muddy]
Principal Petersen: Hey! What...
George Sr.: That's for firing me.
Principal Petersen: You quit!

Principal Petersen: Feel like doing this again next week?
George Sr.: What are you saying?
Principal Petersen: I'm saying you got your job back. If you want it.
George Sr.: What about Wayne?
Principal Petersen: What about him?
George Sr.: He's got to be part of the deal.
Principal Petersen: Don't you have enough to worry about?
George Sr.: He's my friend. And if I want him out of my house, he needs a job.
Principal Petersen: Your call.

Mary: I just can't believe Darlene would do that to him.
Principal Petersen: Yeah, just... Right before the big game Friday night. Think he can pull himself together by then?
George Sr.: How would I know?
Mary: Really? A man's life is coming apart and you're worried about a football game?
Principal Petersen: Well, yeah.

Mandy: What are you doing?
George Jr.: I'm on leak patrol.
Mandy: What?
George Jr.: I'm babysitting and it's the only way I can get my brother to eat. What's up?
Mandy: [sighs] I just wanted to thank you for how wonderful you've been.
George Jr.: Oh, good, you noticed. [chuckles]
Mandy: [chuckles] [exhales] I noticed.

Mandy: Is this a bad time to tell you I only liked you for your cool car?
George Jr.: You say that now, but wait till you see how many groceries we can get in the back of this thing.
Mandy: I can't believe you did this.
George Jr.: It's a no-brainer. I want to keep our kid safe.
Mandy: Thank you. [kisses Georgie on the cheek]
George Jr.: Hm. That was interesting.
Mandy: Oh, grow up.
George Jr.: Grow up? I bought a car that seats 25.

Mary: It's so nice that you're joining us for dinner.
George Jr.: Please don't make a big deal out of it.
Mary: I just said it was nice.
George Jr.: You said so nice. [to Mandy] I'm sorry.
Mandy: [chuckles softly] It's fine.

George Sr.: Okay, Wayne, we got the ball back, what do you want to do?
Coach Wilkins: Kill myself.
George Sr.: Come on, buddy, help me out here.
Coach Wilkins: I can't, George. I just can't.

Missy: Saw your wife today.
Coach Wilkins: I heard.
Missy: You're smart to stay here. She seems pretty mad.

[Principal Petersen notices that Sheldon and Missy are listening to his conversation with George and Mary]
Principal Petersen: Can we take this outside?
Mary: Do you mind?
Missy: I don't mind. Do you mind?
Sheldon: I don't mind.
Missy: We don't mind. [Sheldon shakes his head] [Mary sighs]

George Jr.: I'm real sorry about them.
George Sr.: Wh... I didn't say anything wrong.
Mary: Neither did I.
George Jr.: You were being overly nice. It made everybody uncomfortable.

George Sr.: I had Georgie go get your car from the motel.
Coach Wilkins: Thanks.
George Sr.: Trust me, going back to work is just what you need. [Coach Wilkins nods] One thing you got to remember, this story ain't over. We don't know how it's gonna end. The only person that can decide that is you. You are the hero of your story. You take the action. You call the shots. You decide your destiny.
Coach Wilkins: That's the same speech you gave at halftime when we were getting our nuts crushed by Nacogdoches.
George Sr.: And you remember what happened? We came back and won that game.
Coach Wilkins: After their quarterback dislocated his shoulder.
George Sr.: You're not even trying, Wayne. I am, you're not.

George Sr.: Wayne, what's going on?
Coach Wilkins: My life is a lie.
Principal Petersen: [whispers] Gay?
George Sr.: I don't know.

Mandy: Is it legal?
George Jr.: Yes.
Meemaw: No.
George Jr.: Kind of.
Meemaw: K... Kind of.
Mandy: So, the police are in on it.
George Jr.: A little bit, yeah.
Meemaw: Silent partner, as they say.

Coach Wilkins: She's cheating on me.
George Sr.: You sure? [Wayne nods] Oh, man. I'm sorry, that's terrible.
Coach Wilkins: With my best friend.
George Sr.: That's even more terrible.
Coach Wilkins: She was my world.
Principal Petersen: Well there's no reason to throw in the towel. I mean, you can still get her back.
Coach Wilkins: She's having his baby.
George Sr.: Well... Say something.
Principal Petersen: What do you say to that?
George Sr.: You really never suspected anything?
Principal Petersen: That's what you say?
George Sr.: You had nothing. Wayne, buddy, uh... Uh... No, I-I know it seems bad now, which it is. Which is why it seems that way.
Principal Petersen: Oh, my God.

Mandy: Just stop it, okay? I know what's going on here.
George Jr.: You do?
Mandy: That creepy cop, that trip to Mexico, all that cash in your bra. [whispers] Y'all are selling drugs.
Meemaw: We're not selling drugs.
Mandy: So you're telling me there's nothing weird going on back there?
Meemaw: Oh, I didn't say that.

Meemaw: Hey there, Jake.
Jake: Hey, Connie. I was just telling your grandson here how much I love the new place.
George Jr.: Mandy, let me show you the kids section. Got all the Looney Tunes, Flintstones, Fraggle Rock. [Meemaw and Jake speaking indistinctly]
Mandy: What's going on?
George Jr.: Nothing. Just figured we're having a kid, we should be familiar with the genre.
Meemaw: Well, thanks for dropping by.
Jake: We need to renegotiate our arrangement.
Meemaw: Uh, and we will talk about that soon. Meanwhile... Grab some Red Vines. Show of good faith. [Jake exits] You wouldn't think it about Jake, but... [chuckles] he just loves a foreign film.

Mandy: Hey, if you ever need any help behind the cash register, I'd sure rather be working here than being on my feet all day at the diner.
George Jr.: Mm, no. No, you don't want to do that. You're such a good waitress. It'd be a waste of your talent.

Principal Petersen: Oh, listen, George, I really need your help here.
George Sr.: What do you expect me to do?
Principal Petersen: I don't know. Get him coaching again.
George Sr.: You gave him my job. This is your problem.
Principal Petersen: Well, you quit.
George Sr.: You were gonna fire me.
Principal Petersen: But you quit first.

George Sr.: Okay, we got your playbook, we got your practice plan, and you, sir, are ready to coach some kick-ass football.
Coach Wilkins: Thanks, George. I really appreciate everything you've done for me. Coming back to work was just what I needed. [phone rings]
George Sr.: Happy to help.
Coach Wilkins: [answers phone] Coach Wilkins.
Darlene: [on the phone] What the hell did you tell Missy Cooper?!
George Sr.: I'll give you some privacy.

Darlene: All right, everyone. Pencils out, books away. Let's get ready to take this test.
Missy: Mrs. Wilkins? Are you sure you want us to take this test today?
Darlene: Why wouldn't I?
Missy: Well, you know, with everything you're going through?

Principal Petersen: I'm begging you, George. You know what a big deal this game is.
George Sr.: Don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do. Okay.
Principal Petersen: Thank you. I owe you one.
George Sr.: I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for the kids on that team.
Mary: What about Wayne?
George Sr.: What about him? [off Mary's look] And Wayne!