Mary: You were very rude to your grandmother.
Sheldon: Dad's rude to her all the time.
George: That is not... the point.

Meemaw: Dots and dashes, maybe it's Morse code.
George: [rushing in] Where is he?
Mary: We think this is Morse code. What does it say?
George: Gee, I don't know.
Meemaw: What do you mean you don't know? You were in the Army.
George: Yeah, so? Can't do a push-up, either.
Meemaw: Well, that's a separate problem.

Sheldon: Did you have tuna for lunch or do you just smell like that all the time?
Clara: What?
Sheldon: Did you have tuna for lunch or do you smell like I heard it.
Clara: I'm just wondering who raised you.
Sheldon: My mother and father, and I suppose my meemaw.
Clara: Well, they don't seem like they're doing a great job.
Sheldon: Tell me about it. It's been quite the week.
Clara: I'm sure I'll regret this, but how so?
Sheldon: Before I tell you the story, how much do you know about the mathematics of robotic communication? That's okay. I'll put it into terms a bus lady can understand. There's a wide range of protocols used for inter-robotic...

Sheldon: I think you all understand why I wanted to show you this.
George: No.
Sheldon: It's an apology. I was the miners, you were the Horta.
Meemaw: How about just saying, "I'm sorry"?
Sheldon: Wow, you're really not getting this. Let's watch it again.

Sheldon: Mom! Meemaw swatted me on the bottom!
Mary: What? Why?
Sheldon: I wanted something, and then she said no, and then I called her selfish, and then she went crazy!
Mary: Let me call her.
Missy: Really? You don't want to thank her in person?

Meemaw: I've got it. He's headed to Rusk. He's going to the hospital to see John.
George: I'll call the police.
Mary: Hurry!
Missy: Is Sheldon going to jail?
Mary: No!
Missy: Damn it.

Missy: "I knew you were going to open this the moment I left. To slow you down I've shrouded my destination in code." What a dork.

Mary: Dot, dot, dot.
George: Uh, "S."
Meemaw: Got it.
Mary: Dot.
George: "E."
Meemaw: All right.
Mary: Another dot, dot, dot.
George: Uh, "S" again.
Meemaw: Okay.
Mary: What do we have so far?
Meemaw: "I am taking a bus. Fun fact about buses"
George: You got to be kidding me.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Missy: Come on!

Meemaw: [to Dr. Linkletter] Can I speak to you for a moment? [to Sheldon] The grown-ups need to talk.
Sheldon: That wasn't made clear.

Meemaw: You're asking me out in front of my grandson so I can't say no.
Dr. Linkletter: You saw through that.
Meemaw: You think you're pretty smart.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I do have two PhDs and a date with you on Thursday.

George: Uh, you order something from the Mountain View Candy Company?
Georgie: Oh, yeah. Thanks.
George: The hell is it?
Georgie: A big old box of candy. [closes his bedroom door]
Missy: [opens her bedroom door] What's all this about candy?

Georgie: You sure you're only a freshman? 'Cause you got the sophisticated taste buds of a junior.

Georgie: Hey, you look like a Kit Kat man.

Meemaw: What, exactly did you say to Dr. Linkletter?
Sheldon: [quietly] I said Hello. This is Sheldon Cooper. I'm speaking quietly because I'm calling from the library. [normally] And he said-
Meemaw: Get to the point.
Sheldon: He's not using me to spend time with you. He said so. You're wrong.
Meemaw: You had no business calling him, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You seem upset. Are you embarrassed because you were wrong?
Meemaw: No.
Sheldon: Are you sure? I would be.
Meemaw: I'm not wrong. He's lying to you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Interesting. I don't know who to believe.
Meemaw: Really? You're gonna believe some guy you barely know over your own grandmother?
Sheldon: Well, one of them said I'm really smart, and one of them's yelling at me right now.

Meemaw: We're done talking about this. And I'm not taking you to that lecture!
Sheldon: But I really want to go.
Meemaw: Too bad!
Sheldon: You are incredibly selfish.
Meemaw: Excuse me?
Sheldon: You just care about what you want. You don't care about what I want. You're selfish. How come your eyes stopped blinking?