Missy: That's so cool. Can I sign it?
Sheldon: Why?
Missy: 'Cause that's what kids do.
Sheldon: Why would I care what kids do?
Missy: So when it's over, you can have a cool reminder?
Sheldon: I don't want a reminder. This is traumatic. I might need counseling.
Missy: Come on, don't be lame. Let me sign it.
Sheldon: You're just gonna write something mean.
Missy: You don't commit a crime and sign your own name. Learned that one the hard way.

Sheldon: Washcloth?
Mary: Washcloth.
Sheldon: Soap?
Mary: Soap.
Sheldon: Shampoo?
Mary: Shampoo.
Sheldon: Baby shampoo?
Mary: Does E equal MC squared?
Sheldon: Love you.

George: What's going on?
Mary: Ugh. He was muttering in his sleep that I am his training wheels. What on earth does that mean?
George: Well, let's think about it. Training wheels are for little kids. Maybe he doesn't want to be a little kid anymore.
Mary: What does that have to do with me?
George: [laughs] You have made it your life's mission to hold him up.
Mary: What are you saying here? That I am wrong to love and protect my son? That he doesn't need his mother to keep an eye on him?
George: I'm not saying that. I... I would never say that.
Mary: All right then. [exits]
George: [to himself] I'm not an idiot.

Sheldon: I did it. Missy, I did it!
Missy: [groans] What?
Sheldon: I slept through the night.
Missy: What time is it?
Sheldon: 6:14.
Missy: This is why people hate you.
Adult Sheldon: My sister's crankiness did not dampen my enthusiasm. A chicken may have fractured my arm, but nothing could break my can-do spirit.

Sheldon: I will not be denied my jelly. [lid pops] Yes! Watch out, peanut butter. You're next.

Pastor Jeff: Who would like to tell us how God touched their lives this week? [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: He didn't, because He doesn't exist.
Pastor Jeff: Then why raise your hand?
Sheldon: Not just any hand. My left hand. Because I'm able to overcome any obstacle.
Pastor Jeff: And maybe God helped you do that.
Sheldon: Actually, it was Stephen Hawking, and he's better because he exists.
Pastor Jeff: Yes, 'cause God made him. Anybody else? [Billy raises his hand] Billy.
Billy Sparks: Is this gonna be on the test?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, boy.

Sheldon: Johannes Diderik van der Waals. Nils Gustaf Dalén. Heike Kamerlingh Onnes.
Missy: What are you going?
Sheldon: Listing Nobel Prize winners in physics.
Missy: Why?
Sheldon: To keep me from cracking this cast like a coconut and scratching my skin off.