Georgie: What do you want?
Sheldon: I was hoping you could help me build up my leg muscles to increase my speed.
Georgie: If you don't want people chasing you, be less annoying.

Sheldon: Well, that's what I heard. And if Hawking doesn't let it stop him, then I can't let this cast stop me.
Missy: Great. Go back to sleep.
Sheldon: I will, and I'll do it all by myself. [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty
Missy: Oh, my God.
Sheldon: Little ball of fur Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr Purr, purr.

Meemaw: Look, you haven't even gotten to the worst part of it yet. They're gonna leave home. They're gonna move to another city.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Meemaw: They're gonna tell you their loser boyfriend has knocked them up. Just to be clear, that would be you.
Mary: Sorry.
Meemaw: Turned my hair gray overnight.
Mary: I said sorry. Clearly, you're not in the mood to help.
Meemaw: Listen, it's hard being a parent, but if you do it right, they don't need you anymore.
Mary: Well, I don't like that. I get it, but I just don't like it.
Meemaw: Well, I'd point out, you'll always have your husband, but you want me to be "helpful".

Sheldon: This is bad.
George: You're gonna be just fine.
Sheldon: This is the arm I write with. This is the arm I eat with. This is the arm I do the Vulcan salute with. Ow.
George: It's not too swollen. That's a good sign.
Sheldon: You're not a doctor.
George: But I see this on the football field all the time.
Sheldon: Football players are meant to be hurt. I'm meant to be cherished.

Georgie: "Have a great summer. Georgie". Normally I'd write, "Have a bitchin' summer", but I figured you wouldn't like that.
Sheldon: I wouldn't.

Meemaw: What are you looking for?
Sheldon: Chest hairs. Is there any chance I'll hit puberty in the next few weeks?
Meemaw: Oh, God, I hope not. Why?
Sheldon: The campus is so big, I'll never make it from one class to another without a solid dose of testosterone.
Mary: Maybe they'll let you leave early so you'll have time.
Sheldon: But the end of the class is when I point out the teacher's mistakes. Everybody loves that.
Mary: I'd say run across campus, but I know how you feel about sweating.
Sheldon: It's the urine of the skin.

Brenda Sparks: I just wanted to check in and see how Sheldon's doing.
George: He'll be fine. It's just a little fracture.
Brenda Sparks: Oh. Poor kid. Please know we feel terrible.
George: Eh, accidents happen.
Brenda Sparks: Hey, speaking of accidents, which this clearly was, insurance covers everything, right?
George: If you're worried about me sending you a bill, don't be.
Brenda Sparks: Wasn't worried. I just wanted to bring you some food as a peace offering and promise it will never happen again.
George: Well, thanks. [lifts up the foil] Ooh, fried chicken.
[After George gets a concerned look on his face, he looks over at Brenda and points to the plate of fried chicken]
Brenda Sparks: Never again.

Sheldon: Left-handed knocking. Wild. [knocks three times] Georgie?
Georgie: [o.s.] What? [Sheldon enters Georgie's bed room]
Sheldon: You're left-handed. Now that I've joined your ranks, I was wondering if you could tell me what to expect.
Georgie: I don't know. To me, it's just normal.
Sheldon: But the vast majority of people are right-handed. There must be some challenges.
Georgie: It's hard to cut stuff with scissors.
Sheldon: Mom handles most of my cutting needs.
Georgie: Uh, when you shake hands, it's the wrong hand.
Sheldon: I don't shake hands. It's disgusting.
Georgie: Oh! When driving, the gear shifter's on the right side.
Sheldon: And I'm not old enough to drive. Being a lefty doesn't seem so bad. I don't know why you complain so much.

Mary: [to Sheldon] Don't worry, baby. I cut everything into bite-size pieces for you.
Georgie: Maybe you could chew it up and spit it in his mouth.

Adult Sheldon: I've always enjoyed math word problems. Try wrapping your noggin around this one. A brilliant young boy named Sheldon is about to start college. He needs to get from his linear algebra class to his physics class, which is 822 meters away. If his stride is 23 inches long and he only has 10 minutes, how many steps would he have to take per minute to make it on time? It's a doozy, isn't it? Don't worry. I'll show my work. First, we must determine the maximum velocity achievable without breaking a sweat. Sweating is for jocks and those who are worried the jig is up.

Adult Sheldon: With no access to controlled substances, I was left with only one option.
Sheldon: Missy, will you teach me to ride a bike tomorrow?
Missy: Why not Mom?
Sheldon: Working.
Missy: Meemaw?
Sheldon: Old.
Missy: Dad?
Sheldon: Fat.
Missy: Okay. [Sheldon exits] I'm such a good person.

Sheldon: Dad, you're a football coach. Do you use human growth hormone to enhance the performance of your players?
George: We lost our last game sixty-three to nine. What do you think?
Sheldon: I think you should look into human growth hormone. And if you do, send some this kid's way.

Missy: Dad, Sheldon got hurt.
George: How?
Missy: A chicken chased him into a mailbox.
George: Course it did.

Dr. Patel: Okay. Looks like you fractured your ulna.
Sheldon: Oh, no.
Dr. Patel: Two weeks in a cast, you'll be good as new.
Sheldon: A cast? Don't those get sweaty?
Dr. Patel: Mm-hmm. They can.
Sheldon: And itchy?
Dr. Patel: A little.
Sheldon: Can it get wet?
Dr. Patel: Not supposed to.
Sheldon: Then how am I supposed to take a shower?
Dr. Patel: Well, some people wrap it in a garbage bag.
Sheldon: That's where garbage goes. Did you get a discount doctor because we're poor?

Mary: Shelly, you okay?
Sheldon: I fractured my ulna.
George: He's fine. I told you you didn't need to come down here.
Mary: My baby is in the emergency room.
George: Yeah, with his father.
Mary: Who let him get hurt.
George: Me? I wasn't even there. If anything, it was Missy's fault.
Sheldon: And Belinda Sparks.
Mary: Who?
George: A chicken.
Mary: What does a chicken have to do with this?