Sheldon: I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.
Meemaw: Not exactly.
Sheldon: Why?
Meemaw: Why? After Frick and Frack found out I was single, they got all weird.
Sheldon: What do you mean? All they did was discuss Asimov.
Meemaw: Sure. Maybe I misread the situation.

Dr. Linkletter: Rule number one, no badmouthing each other to gain favor with Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: Agreed. And whatever happens, we can't let it affect our working relationship.
Dr. Linkletter: Our working relationship is already antagonistic.
Dr. John Sturgis: True. What's next?
Dr. Linkletter: No using Sheldon to win points with Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: But he likes me better than you.
Dr. Linkletter: That's why I brought it up.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine!

George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: I messed up.
George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: What do I do?
George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: Please, say anything else.
George Sr.: I'm trying! Okay... Are you sure she's pregnant?
George Jr.: Yes, she took a test.
George Sr.: Sometimes those things are wrong.
George Jr.: She took more than one.
George Sr.: Well... Are you sure it's yours? Some gals like to get around.
George Jr.: Dad, she's pregnant, it's mine and she's having it.
George Sr.: Y'all are too young to have a baby!
George Jr.: I am. She's actually 29.
George Sr.: Oh, no.

Mary: What's going on? Everything okay?
George Sr.: You might want to sit.
Mary: Now you're scaring me.
George Sr.: No one died.
George Jr.: Kind of the opposite, actually. [George rolls his eyes]

[When Missy doesn't respond as Sheldon knocks on her door while she sings along to "Achy Breaky Heart", Sheldon leans in and grabs a plush toy from Missy's bed and throws it at her head]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: It felt weird coming in without being invited.
Missy: That's because everything you do is weird.

Missy: Where's Mom and Dad?
Sheldon: I don't know. I just got home and no one's here.
Missy: You sure?
Sheldon: It's a tiny house and Dad's a big guy.
Missy: Thanks for the heads-up.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Missy: To watch R-rated movies until they get back, doy.

George Sr.: She's not gonna marry him.
George Jr.: What's wrong with me?
George Sr.: You're an idiot. You're irresponsible. You live in a garage and use a sink as a toilet! Care to jump in?

Meemaw: You look like crap.
Mary: Thanks.
Meemaw: You go out drinking last night?
Mary: Of course not.
Meemaw: 'Cause when I look that bad, I been out drinkin'.

Sheldon: Mom, have you seen my Thursday socks? I looked in my drawer and I could only find Wednesday and Friday.
Mary: Thursday's are in the dryer.
Sheldon: Mm. [opens dryer] Oh. Here's the little rascals.

Meemaw: You were saying?
Mary: I was just thinking about when I was pregnant with Georgie, and... how hard that must've been for you. I'm sorry.
Meemaw: Georgie got that girl pregnant?!
Mary: Keep your voice down. And... yes.
Meemaw: Oh...

Sheldon: What do you think is going on?
Missy: I don't know, but I'm telling you, it's bad.
Sheldon: Not necessarily. Maybe they're planning a surprise party for us.
Missy: Our birthday isn't for months.
Sheldon: True. Maybe they needed some lead time. You can't expect Stephen Hawking to roll in at a moment's notice.

George Sr.: Come on, I'm taking you both to school. Let's move it. [exits]
Missy: He looks terrible.
Sheldon: He has had heart problems, plus he's been having a rough time at work.
Missy: Not to mention he's pretty chunky.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. I wonder if RadioShack makes a defibrillator.

Mary: When do we get to sit down with her and talk this through?
George Jr.: Ah, yeah, here's the thing about that: she ain't real eager to meet y'all.
Mary: Why not?
Meemaw: Did you want to meet George's parents when he knocked you up?
Mary: I was not "knocked up," I was with child. And he's right there. [Georgie waves to Meemaw]

George Sr.: [scoffs] I don't see why I got to wear a tie.
Mary: Because we want to make a good impression.
George Sr.: She already met this bozo, aren't we past that?

George Jr.: Hey, let's just keep in mind, I didn't do this by myself. It takes two to tango.
Meemaw: Do you even know what a tango is?
George Jr.: It's sex, ain't it?

Mary: [sighs] Pastor Jeff is right next door. Maybe I should invite him to join us.
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: So we can bring God into the conversation.
Meemaw: God let her get pregnant. I think He's done enough.

George Sr.: So, Mandy, what do you do?
Mandy: Right now I'm just waiting tables.
George Sr.: Well, people need to eat.
Mandy: Mm-hmm.
George Sr.: Mm-hmm. You know what I enjoy? That T-G-I-F Friday. They got a whole menu page, just appetizers.

Mary: I hope brisket's okay. Georgie wasn't too sure what kind of food you liked.
George Jr.: We didn't do a lot of eating when we were together.
[Mandy gives Georgie a dirty look]

Meemaw: So, Mandy, your people from around here?
Mandy: Uh, Oklahoma originally.
Meemaw: Well, we won't hold it against you. [laughs]

Mary: So, you're Catholic?
Mandy: I'm not really anything.
Mary: But you'll be raising this child with some sort of religious upbringing.
Mandy: [chuckles] I haven't really thought about it.
Mary: Well, that's one of the things we can help with, starting with grace.
George Jr.: Mom...
Mary: We're starting with grace! [all hold hands] Heavenly Father...
Mandy: Why not heavenly mother?
George Jr.: [whispers] Don't, just don't.
Mary: Heavenly Father, bless this food and the hands that prepared it. And thank you for bringing Mandy into our family and watch over this child as he or she grows and becomes a God-fearin' Baptist, amen.
George Sr.: Amen.
Meemaw: Smooth.