Missy: [sighs] What do I have to do to get this over with?
Sheldon: We just need to agree upon who gets which items.
Missy: Fine. As my farewell gift to you, let's do your dumb thing.
Sheldon: See, when you're mean and nice at the same time, it's confusing.
Missy: Too bad, doofus.
Sheldon: Better, thank you.

Meemaw: Are you disappointed this isn't more like some old cop show?
Dale: I loved Rockford Files.
Meemaw: Well, I tell you what, when he gets here, you're my muscle. If anything goes sideways, you jump in.
Dale: See, now you're talking. I'll stand behind you and I'll crack my knuckles.
Meemaw: With your arthritis?
Dale: It's only bad when it rains.

Sheldon: Next, one Timex brand alarm clock.
Missy: It's yours.
Sheldon: Are you sure? It has a stylish faux-wood finish.
Missy: Fine, I'll take it.
Sheldon: Aw.
Missy: So you want it?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: It's yours.
Sheldon: Thank you. Next, one useful yet educational map of the world trash can.

Meemaw: So I'm thinking dark red, like a speakeasy. And maybe a little bar in the corner.
Dale: Well, you're gonna need a liquor license.
Meemaw: Oh, right. 'Cause I don't want to break the law in my illegal gambling room.

George Jr.: Over here is my bedroom area, for sleeping and whatnot. That's my gym. And last but not least, kitchen and bathroom.
Mary: Georgie, do not use that sink as a bathroom.
George Jr.: Relax. Just number one.

George Sr.: There you go.
Missy: Okay, these posters go on that wall. That poster goes over the bed.
George Sr.: [scoffs] I'm not your moving man.
Missy: You're right, I'm growing up. Guess I can't be Daddy's little girl forever. [pouts]
George Sr.: Which one goes over the bed?
Missy: Um, "New Kids".

George Jr.: I'm thinking I'll put the flag over that window for, you know, privacy.
Mary: If you want, I could sew some curtains, make it look homey.
George Jr.: Nice. Girls will eat that up.
Mary: Flag is fine.

Joann: Look how many rhinestones fell off in the dryer.
Meemaw: It says right here "do not tumble dry."
Joann: No label's gonna tell me what to do.
Meemaw: I am not in the mood for Texas right now. What do you want from me?
Joann: Well, what size is yours?
Meemaw: No!

Adult Sheldon: I eventually made my peace with having a room to myself. And I was never truly alone, thanks to my science posse: Stephen, Albert, Richard and Arthur. But for those times when I did need to communicate with Missy, we had a system.
[Sheldon pulls on a rope which pulls a lever which knocks on Missy's wall, prompting her to pick up a walkie talkie]
Missy: [over radio] What?
Sheldon: Just testing the system.
Missy: You tested it yesterday.
Sheldon: Just because it worked yesterday doesn't mean it's working today.
Missy: It's working. Good night.
Sheldon: Good night. Sleep tight. [knocking on wall]
Missy: [over radio] What?
Sheldon: Did you know when people say "sleep tight," they're referring to when beds were made of ropes, and the tighter the rope, the more comfortable the bed was to sleep on?
Missy: Cool. Bye.
Adult Sheldon: My sister wasn't always a fan of my informative tidbits, so I didn't tell her that the entire phrase, "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite" is actually from the book What They Say in New England: A Book of Signs, Sayings, and Superstitions. Until I told her. [knocking on wall]

Adult Sheldon: In astronomy, a syzygy is a rare event when three or more celestial bodies line up.
You may also know it as the stars aligning, which was probably coined by someone who couldn't spell "syzygy." If you want to win Scrabble, remember this bad boy. My father's idea of the stars aligning was having the house completely to himself. I was at school, Missy was at a friend's, Georgie was working, and my mother was on her way to a church retreat.
[elsewhere:]
Mary: [sings] There was a God who had a son, and Jesus was his name-o ?
Pastor Jeff: [sings] J-E-S-U-S
Mary: [sings] J-E-S-U-S
Pastor Jeff: J-E-S-U-S
Mary: And Jesus was his name-o. [honks horn]
Adult Sheldon: For my father, it was sweet, Southern syzygy. S-Y-Z-Y-G-Y. Syzygy. [doorbell rings]
George Sr.: [sighs] Balls.

George Sr.: [opens door] Hey, Billy. Sheldon's not here.
Billy Sparks: Is Missy?
George Sr.: Nope.
Billy Sparks: Good. I need to talk to you alone. [enters]
George Sr.: [sighs] Balls.

Billy Sparks: I would like your permission to ask out Missy.
George Sr.: Really?
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
George Sr.: Okay. Uh... [TV turns off] Well, I appreciate you coming to me.
Billy Sparks: I wanted to do this the right way.
George Sr.: Uh-huh. You know, Billy, this sounds like a big step. I'm not sure Missy's really ready for dating yet.
Billy Sparks: She went out with Marcus from school. They went to the movies.
George Sr.: Yeah, that is... meaningful.
Billy Sparks: But they broke up, so now's my chance.

George Sr.: You don't want to be the rebound guy.
Billy Sparks: What's that?
George Sr.: That's the guy after the guy she really liked and before the next guy she really likes.
Billy Sparks: What?
George Sr.: You and Missy are friends. You go to school together. That could make things complicated if it doesn't go well.
Billy Sparks: I didn't think about that.
George Sr.: If she turns you down, you're gonna have to see her all the time.
Billy Sparks: But if it goes right, I get to see her all the time.
George Sr.: [sighs] I just think you ought to take a minute and figure out if it's really worth it. I-It's like football. You can go for it on fourth down on your own 20-yard line, but if you don't make it, it's game over.
Billy Sparks: You're not just a football coach. You're a coach of life.

Adult Sheldon: You probably think of quantum physics as a white-knuckle rush of adrenaline, like the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland. But the reality can be a little less exciting, especially when you're stuck. [clock ticking] [lights humming] [water bubbles]
Dr. Linkletter: We'll get this.
Sheldon: Perhaps a set of fresh eyes could be helpful.
Dr. Linkletter: If you're going to suggest Dr. Sturgis, I should remind you we have a complicated history.
[flashback:]
Dr. John Sturgis: And your graviton research is mediocre at best!
Dr. Linkletter: You're not qualified to judge my work.
Dr. John Sturgis: All right, that's it. [they shove each other]
[present:]
Sheldon: We'll get this.

Dale: Hey. You ready for dinner?
Meemaw: Do I look ready?
Dale: No. How was your day, dear?
Meemaw: Well, I ran out of quarters. Then I had to break up a fight over a dryer sheet. Then washer number three overflowed again.
Dale: Oh. Well, I had a nice day. I got to pet a horse. Come on, let me take you to dinner.
Meemaw: Dinner's not gonna fix this mess.
Dale: Yeah, I was counting on margaritas to do the heavy lifting.

Meemaw: This is not what I signed up for. I need to get some help in here.
Dale: Well, so, do it.
Meemaw: Great. I'm taking Georgie.
Dale: Georgie? No, he's my best employee.
Meemaw: He's my grandson.
Dale: Well, so what? Sheldon's the smart one. Take him.
Meemaw: Do you want to go out with somebody who's happy and fun or some cranky, old woman who smells like mop?
Dale: All right. All right. Take Georgie.
Meemaw: Thank you. I'm gonna go get myself fixed up.
Dale: I think you look beautiful just the way you are.
Meemaw: Go to hell.

George Sr.: Trips left, man in motion. Here comes a pass. [crowd cheers on TV] See that?
Billy Sparks: Now I know where Sheldon gets his brains from.
George Sr.: Congratulations. You're the only person to ever say that.
Billy Sparks: What's gonna happen next?
George Sr.: You gonna get me a beer.
Billy Sparks: Yes, sir.

Sheldon: [o.s.] I'm home.
George Sr.: In here. Watching the game with Billy.
Sheldon: Do you have the number where Mom's staying?
George Sr.: Everything okay?
Sheldon: I need help navigating a situation with Dr. Linkletter.
Billy Sparks: You should ask your dad. He's really smart.
Sheldon: You're the first person who's ever said that.

Meemaw: You fancy yourself a bit of an entrepreneur, don't you?
George Jr.: I like to think so.
Meemaw: And now that you're not in school anymore, I bet you're wanting to take your career to the next level.
George Jr.: [scoffs] What kind of entrepreneur would I be if I didn't?
Meemaw: Well, this is your lucky day, because I have quite the opportunity. How would you like to manage a business all on your own?
George Jr.: That'd be amazing.
Meemaw: Be your own boss. Call the shots.
George Jr.: Hell, yeah. What is it?
Meemaw: Managing a laundromat.
George Jr.: No way.

Meemaw: Oh, now, come on. You're perfect for this.
George Jr.: I'm a salesman. There's nothing there to sell.
Meemaw: You got a bunch of bored people with their pockets full of quarters, you can't sell them something? Then you're not the entrepreneur I thought you were.
George Jr.: That ain't gonna work on me.
Meemaw: And this is why you're management material.
George Jr.: Nice try. [walks away]
Meemaw: The place is wall-to-wall girls.
George Jr.: Why didn't you lead with that?