Meemaw: By chance, would you talk to her for me?
George: I'm sorry. Are you asking me for a favor?
Meemaw: Yes.
George: Mm. I didn't hear the magic word.
Meemaw: How about this? Why don't you pay me back the money I gave you for the down payment on this house?
George: Thank you. Was that so hard?

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Meemaw: [knocks] Hi, I'm Connie Tucker. I'm supposed to be reporting to my probation officer?
Officer Rhonda Thomason: You found her. Come on in.
[Meemaw moves slowly into the room with the aid of a crutch.]
Meemaw: Sorry I'm a little late. Not moving very fast today. Oof.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Weren't you arrested running from the police?
Meemaw: Well, I have my good days.

Missy: Are we done?
Mary: What's your hurry?
Missy: It's paternity test day on Ricki Lake and I'm missing it.
Sheldon: If people paid more attention of what belongs where, there'd be no need for paternity tests.

Sheldon: That doesn't go there.
Missy: Doesn't matter.
Sheldon: Canned beans next to jarred preserves?
Missy: Who cares?
Sheldon: I care.
Missy: Well, no one cares that you care.
Sheldon: I'm someone. And I care that I care. And I care that I care that I care.