Mary: [v.o.] Lord, I know everyone thinks I'm being foolish giving money to Reverend Travis, but why wouldn't you want us to be prosperous? You love us, it makes sense. And I got that IRS check, which feels like a sign. And I think I know a sign when I see one. [crow caws] [bird poop falls on Mary's forehead] Ugh. Oh! Oh! [runs into the house] Ew!
George: What's going on?
Mary: A bird did its business in my eye.
George: Better than your mouth, right?
Mary: You think you're funny?!
George: Yeah.

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Evan: It's your call. Particle accelerator, or no particle accelerator?
Sheldon: Let me fetch my money sock.
Evan: You keep your money in a sock?
Sheldon: My meemaw keeps her money in her bra.

Mary: Well, we disagree. Reverend Travis says that the Lord wants me to be prosperous and I believe him.
Pastor Jeff: This is nothing but a coincidence. You overpaid your taxes, you got a refund, Jesus has nothing to do with it.
Mary: You sound like Sheldon.
Pastor Jeff: I believe I know my way out. [Mary points to the door]

Georgie: I'll tell you what I can do. I got something for a party that's better than beer.
Missy: What?
Georgie: Bottle rockets, Roman candles, M80s, the works.
Missy: Oh, sure. Thanks.
Georgie: You're not excited now, but trust me, you blow up one mailbox, and you got yourself a party.