Sheldon: And then they laughed at me for not knowing something that they knew. Who does that?
Mary: You do.
Sheldon: Well, this is no time for a teachable moment. Your child is hurting.
Mary: Sorry. [taps Sheldon's shoulder] There, there.
Sheldon: I guess that'll do. Now, how about a hot beverage?

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: All right, what do you know?
George: Well, they're probably gonna have to pay some fine, and-and they're gonna need cash.
Mary: My son is gonna be in jail overnight?
George: What about your mother?
Mary: Oh, she's been there before.

Adult Sheldon: Heidelberg is considered one of the most beautiful cities in Germany. Heidelberg Palace, the Karl Theodor Bridge, the Schloss Schwetzingen. But I couldn't care less. The only sights I wanted to see were the looks of awe on the faces of my fellow students as I demonstrated my intellectual superiority.
Sheldon: Cylinders that are smaller than ten to the minus-35 meters. [all laugh] What's happening?
Professor Salzman: You don't laugh at people saying stupid things in Texas?
Sheldon: You're darn tootin' we do. So who goofed? [laughter]
Professor Salzman: You did, dummkopf.
Sheldon: Dummkopf? You're calling me a dummy?
Professor Salzman: Class, who knows where the dummkopf went wrong? [hands go up] Mr. Ziegler.
Mr. Ziegler: He forgot to consider the Calabi-Yau manifold.
Professor Salzman: Thank you, Mr. Ziegler.
Sheldon: Wait, what's the Calabi-Yau manifold? [laughter]
Professor Salzman: Dummkopf.
Adult Sheldon: I was quickly learning not all Germans were the warm, fun-loving people I was led to believe.

Professor Salzman: [sighs] You are far behind many of your peers.
Sheldon: I have no peers.
Professor Salzman: I think they would agree. Which is why I'm going to recommend tutoring.
Sheldon: Me tutor them?
Professor Salzman: No.
Sheldon: You tutor me?
Professor Salzman: No.
Sheldon: Me tutor you?
Professor Salzman: Miss Chen.
Mei-Tung: Yes, Professor?
Professor Salzman: You have an undergraduate degree in education, ja?
Mei-Tung: Yes, sir.
Professor Salzman: Teach him.

Sheldon: Professor Salzman, I just wanted to let you know that I studied up and am now well-versed in the Calabi-Yau manifold.
Professor Salzman: Okay.
Sheldon: It was never part of the curriculum at East Texas Tech.
Professor Salzman: East Texas Tech? Sounds charming.
Sheldon: It's actually quite humid. Regardless, I'm ready to reassert myself as class leader.
Professor Salzman: Your classmates are from some of the most elite universities in the world. There is no East MIT.
Sheldon: Well, I would have gone to a better school, but I was 11, which you have to admit is pretty impressive.
Professor Salzman: Sheldon, at some point we ask of the piano-playing dog not, "Are you a dog?" but, "Are you any good at playing the piano?"
Sheldon: Excuse me?