Meemaw: Wade, what the hell are you doing here? We're not open yet.
Wade: The door was.
Meemaw: Did you forget to lock up?
Georgie: No.
Meemaw: Well, the door didn't open itself.
Georgie: The lock's busted.
Meemaw: File cabinet, too. Cashbox is gone.
Georgie: We've been robbed.
Meemaw: We've been robbed.
Wade: We've been robbed?

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Meemaw: I know this is hard for everyone. It's certainly hard for me. But no one... is more upset with George's passing than the Lone Star Beer company. That flag is at half-mast. [laughter] On the other hand, there's a lot of cows out there that are breathing a sigh of relief. As the king of brisket has put down his fork and ridden off into the sunset. [laughter] And, uh, I'll tell you something...
Missy: Why are they laughing at Dad?
Georgie: 'Cause they love him.
Meemaw: ...that I always kind of kept to myself, but... I wasn't always a big supporter of George and Mary being an item. As a matter of fact, whenever he came to visit, I would always invite Mary's slutty friend Janice over, hoping to catch his interest. [laughter] Hey, Janice. Thanks for coming. You're a doll. [Dale looks back] Anyway... George only had eyes for Mary. And of course brisket. [laughter] And over the years, he surely earned my respect. He was a good man. [voice breaking] And I will always be proud... to call him my son.

Sheldon: Meemaw? I assume you've read the Surgeon General's report on the dangers of smoking?
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait till they turn it into a movie.

Sheldon: Hello, Pastor Jeff.
Pastor Jeff: Sheldon, George, good news. I told the congregation about your exciting opportunity in Germany, and boy, were they thrilled to help. [laughs] I've never seen the collection plate so full.
Sheldon: Well, thank you. Are you seeing this? I am beloved.
Pastor Jeff: Sure.

Mary: Well, we're gonna have to talk to Dr. Sturgis before we make any decisions.
George: We're- We're not making any promises.
Mary: Mm-hmm.
George: This is not a yes.
Sheldon: But it's also not a nein, which German for "no", as opposed to the number nine, which is neun.

Mary: Sheldon... [sighs] aren't there programs that are closer?
Sheldon: Yes, but I missed my chance to get into any of them. In fact, Dr. Sturgis had to call in a big favor to get this opportunity.
George: Well, that's nice of him, but maybe he should have talked to us first?
Sheldon: Oh, he suggested that.
Mary: And?
Sheldon: I nixed it.
Mary: You nixed it?
Sheldon: From the German nichts. The language lends itself to negativity.