George: What's all this?
Mary: Well... I thought that we could have a new family tradition: Pancake Sundays. I got all the fixings. You can pick what you want. We got chocolate chips, blueberries.
George: I wish I'd known, honey. I made an early tee time with Wayne.
Mary: What? Well, wouldn't you rather spend the day with your family?
George: Of course. [stammers] He's going through a divorce, you know. He needs this.
Mary: I guess, sure.
George: How about this? I'll take some bacon for the road.
Mary: Why don't you bring some for Wayne, too?
George: Good idea. Can I take the plate?
Mary: Go ahead.

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Sheldon: Since when is it Pancake Sunday?
Mary: Since today.
Sheldon: No, it's not. It's Kellogg's Bran Buds Sunday, like it's been for the past three years.
Mary: Well, I thought it would be fun. I'll- I'll make you any kind of pancake you want.
Sheldon: On Bran Buds Sunday?
Mary: Fine. I'll put Bran Buds in the pancakes.
Sheldon: That could work.
[cut to Mary watching Sheldon eat at the kitchen table:]
Sheldon: [mouth full] It doesn't work. [spits out food]

Sheldon: Mom.
Mary: [wakes up] What is it, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I know you had some questions about Star Trek, so I've compiled a detailed guide outlining all the shows, characters, and how they fit in a timeline.
Mary: Can we do this later? I've got a headache.
Sheldon: Unfortunately not. If we don't do it now, you'll be completely lost when we watch The Animated Series this afternoon.
Mary: Just 20 more minutes.
Sheldon: Mom, this is almost a hundred pages. We have to get started. In the 23rd century, alien races from around the galaxy have come together to form the United Federation of Planets, which is... open your eyes... Headquartered in San Francisco.

Dale: I was trying to convince your mom to go fishing with me.
Mary: Oh, fishing, that could be fun.
Meemaw: I ain't going fishing. I'd go to a flea market.
Mary: Oh, I do love a flea market.
Dale: Eh, I don't want to buy some dead guy's pants.
Mary: Oh, the outlet malls are still having their holiday sales.
Dale: I'd rather die and have you sell my pants at the flea market.