George Jr.: I'm being nothing but nice here. I don't know why you got to give me a hard time.
Mandy: Why? I'll tell you why. You ruined my life. Is that enough "why" for you?
George Jr.: Hey, you weren't so innocent. If I recall, you provided alcohol to a minor... me. That's illegal.
Mandy: You lied about your age.
George Jr.: You lied first.
Mandy: Okay, you know what? Let's not do this in front of your sister.
Missy: It actually feels normal. Keep going.
George Jr.: And let's not forget, I only lied 'cause you're hot.
Mandy: Oh, my God. We don't need to watch a movie about a talking baby. You're right here.

Missy: Do you hate Georgie?
Mandy: No. No, Georgie's a good guy. If anything, I hate myself for making bad decisions.
Missy: Like having sex before marriage?
Mandy: More like having tequila before sex.
Mary: Hey. What's going on here?
Missy: Mandy was just telling me how she got pregnant.
Mandy: No, no...
Missy: But you said...
Mandy: No.
Missy: No.

Meemaw: Well, the laundromat's a cash business.
Mandy: That's mostly just quarters, though, isn't it?
Meemaw: Uh, yeah, but, well, now we've got the video store, and I'm not real big on banks.
Mandy: Because you lived through the Depression?
Meemaw: Yeah. [insincere laugh]

George Jr.: All right, almost there.
Mandy: I don't know about this. The last surprise you got me is pressing on my bladder.

Sheldon: May I help you?
Bobby: There's no hot water.
Sheldon: There is for rule followers.
Tommy: You can't just turn off the hot water.
Bobby: Yeah.
All: Yeah.
Sheldon: If you want the benefits of civilization, you have to behave in a civilized manner. The decision is yours.
[cut to Sheldon taped up against the wall as rock music plays:]
Sheldon: I don't need a pen and paper to take names. [a student skateboards by] You. What's your name? You know I'll find out and there will be consequences. Hey, what are you... [a student covers Sheldon's mouth in tape] [muffled grunting]

Dale: Uh, I guess I'll have the waffles, and the lady will have, um... [clears throat] ...also waffles.

Mary: I have a wild and crazy idea.
George Sr.: Ooh, I like where this is headed.
Mary: Let's make a baby.
George Sr.: You're kidding, right?
Mary: I don't know. It might be fun to start over.
George Sr.: Fun? What house you been living in?
Mary: I'm serious. We've been getting along so great, and I have all this extra time on my hands. Uh, let's take advantage.
George Sr.: Your son's about to have a baby. You can take care of that one.
Mary: No, my mother called dibs.
George Sr.: Your mother's a million years old. You think she's gonna be changing diapers in the middle of the night? [Mary scoffs] I'll tell you what your problem is. You got kicked out of your church, your-your kids are grown up, you're feeling sorry for yourself, and, yeah, you think a baby'll solve the problem. [Mary is silent] Well? Say something.
Mary: You make me so mad. [walks off]
George Sr.: Where you going? We can still do it mad.