Pastor Rob: See? Even we have questions. Why wouldn't the kids? I think they deserve honest answers.
Mary: You seem to know a lot about children for someone who has none of their own.
Peg: [imitates cat growling]

Mary: You are right. You have been here longer than me. I don't see why we can't work together.
Peg: That'd be nice.
Mary: Great. So, why don't you go by the bank, and I will drop off the bulletin?
Peg: So no one's gonna answer the phones?
Mary: Fine. You just sit there, and I'll go and do everything.
Peg: Sweet. Oh, today's a stumper. Is "nipto" a word?
Mary: You know what? This is why I was taking charge of everything. Because if I don't, nothing will get done.
Peg: Oh, it's "pinto". [laughs]
Mary: This is exactly what I'm talking about.
Peg: Guess what, Mary. Things were getting done long before you got here.
Mary: I just want everything taken care of for Pastor Jeff.
Peg: Or you just like thinking you're better than everybody.

Mary: Hey, I'm gonna need you to drop the bulletin off at the printers. And while you're out, could you also swing by the bank and make a deposit?
Peg: Sure, and there's one thing you could do for me.
Mary: What's that?
Peg: Quit riding my hump.
Mary: Excuse me?
Peg: You're not the boss around here.
Mary: [exhales] No, but Pastor Jeff's away, and I'm the church secretary.
Peg: Okay. Take a memo. "You're not in charge. Peg".

Pastor Jeff: Isn't he the cutest?
Mary: He sure is.
Peg: Oh.
Pastor Jeff: Yeah, he's an angel. He's just happy all the time... morning, afternoon, middle of the night, 2:00a.m., 3:00a.m., all the a.m.'s, really.
Peg: Dip the pacifier in some whiskey, put him right out. But don't use the good stuff. They can't tell the difference.

Meemaw: How much did Dale pay you?
George Jr.: Uh, minimum wage plus five percent commission.
Meemaw: I'll give you half of that.
George Jr.: So, two and a half percent commission?
Meemaw: No, half of the minimum wage part.
George Jr.: What about a percentage of these?
Meemaw: [laughs] Yeah, right.
George Jr.: I'm serious. If it wasn't for me, none of this would be happening.
Meemaw: I'm your grandmother. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be happening.

Sheldon: [knocks on door] Missy, I know you're upset. Would you like a hot beverage?
Missy: [o.s.] Go away.
Adult Sheldon: Every culture has their taboos. In the Ukraine, it's rude to whistle indoors, and they're correct. Not a fan. In our society, any discussion of human reproduction seems to be so upsetting, it causes nothing but chaos. Lost jobs. Lost friends. Sleepless nights. Even the word "sex" provokes an uncomfortable reaction. I thought "fornicate" might work, but that seemed too judgy. Then I found the perfect word, a word so bland and clinical that it would be impossible to take offense to it.
Sheldon: "Coitus." That'll work.

Meemaw: I'll tell you what, we're in the gambling business, why don't we gamble for it?
George Jr.: Okay.
Meemaw: Great. The number I'm thinking of in my head... is it odd or even?
George Jr.: How dumb do you think I am?
Meemaw: In my defense, you used to be dumber.