Mary: My son, the college freshman. I can't believe it.
Sheldon: How can you not believe it? You had to sign my vaccination form.
Mary: Right. So, what do you want to do first? I was thinking we could start at the bookstore, try and beat the lines.
Sheldon: I agree about the lines, but what do you mean "we"?
Mary: I mean you and me.
Sheldon: This is my first day. I can't be seen walking around campus with my mommy.
Mary: Well, it's only orientation.
Sheldon: Yes, and I'm quite capable of handling everything that I need to get done today on my own.
Mary: I'm sure you are. I just figured, with Dr. Sturgis not around, it might be nice if I could be.
Sheldon: No one else's mother is going to be.
Mary: You don't know that.
Sheldon: Well, I know mine isn't.
Mary: [sighs] You might want to watch the attitude to the person who's driving you there.
Sheldon: Not all the way there. Drop me off a block away so no one sees us together.
Mary: Sorry, I am not leaving you alone your first day.
Sheldon: Yes, you are.
Mary: For someone going into college, you are acting very childish.
Sheldon: Maybe it just appears that way because you see me with my mommy.

Mary: Let's say grace.
Sheldon: Hang on, safety first. [puts mittens on]
George Jr.: When are you gonna get over that?
Sheldon: I would think recent events would make you value protection.
Mary: Enough.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: Ergo?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Missy: What's it like to not believe in God?
Sheldon: It's great. Big fan.
Missy: Are you ever afraid you're wrong?
Sheldon: About religion? Never. About other things? Also never.

Billy Sparks: Who's Melissa?
Missy: Me.
Billy Sparks: Then who's Missy?
Missy: "Missy" is short for "Melissa." Like how "Billy" is short for "William."
Billy Sparks: I don't understand.
Missy: You know how your real name is William?
Billy Sparks: I'm Billy.
Sheldon: No, we call you Billy, but your real name is William.
Billy Sparks: But my underpants say "Billy" in them. Mom, is my name William?
Brenda Sparks: [sighs] Yeah.
Billy Sparks: Then whose underpants am I wearing?

Sheldon: I may not look it, but I'm the future of physics, so just move on.

Pastor Jeff: Two months! Two months till this baby comes! There's so much I thought I was gonna do in my life.
George Sr.: I'm sure you've done plenty.
Pastor Jeff: Nothing cool. Look at you. You played football and rode a motorcycle.
George Sr.: Well, you save people's souls. That's neat, right?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, it's neat as neat can be, but you know that's not what I'm talking about.
George Sr.: [sighs] Look, being a dad doesn't mean your life is over. It just means it's different. Instead of playing football, I get to coach it now. I mean, high school football. Not college like I'd hoped. I-Instead of a motorcycle, I drive a truck. To work every single day. To pay the bills. [sighs] Oh. Endless bills. What happened to my life?
Pastor Jeff: Orange wedge?