Missy: I feel like this cover really says who I am now.
Sheldon: That looks like all your notebooks.
Missy: Missy got ponies. Melissa gets horses.

Sheldon: While Dad's gone, I'm the man of the house, and the man of the house has to enforce the rules.
Missy: The man of the house is about to get his teeth knocked out.
Sheldon: Puberty's made you mean.
Missy: I need to know what happened on my show.
Sheldon: And you'll find out when your privileges are restored.
Missy: I can't wait that long, each episode builds on the last. Imagine a Star Trek that ends with "to be continued," and you don't get to continue.
Sheldon: That would never happen, because I follow the rules.
Missy: You are this close to a purple nurple.
Sheldon: [covers nipples] You leave my nurples alone.

Brenda Sparks: You friends with this girl?
Missy: [scoffs] I wish. She is so popular. One time she said she liked my outfit... I wore it for a week.
Brenda Sparks: [scoffs] What am I gonna do? [both sigh]
Missy: You could tell Billy he's too young to date.
Brenda Sparks: [chuckles softly] That's good. You might be the coolest person in this house.
Missy: Low bar, but thanks.

Sheldon: Why would New Mutants be next to New Teen Titans?
Missy: Because they both start with "New"?
Sheldon: But one's Marvel and the other's DC. Would you put Aquaman and Sub-Mariner next to each other?
Missy: I don't know, they could talk about fish.

Billy Sparks: Who's Melissa?
Missy: Me.
Billy Sparks: Then who's Missy?
Missy: "Missy" is short for "Melissa." Like how "Billy" is short for "William."
Billy Sparks: I don't understand.
Missy: You know how your real name is William?
Billy Sparks: I'm Billy.
Sheldon: No, we call you Billy, but your real name is William.
Billy Sparks: But my underpants say "Billy" in them. Mom, is my name William?
Brenda Sparks: [sighs] Yeah.
Billy Sparks: Then whose underpants am I wearing?

Sheldon: I may not look it, but I'm the future of physics, so just move on.

Pastor Jeff: Two months! Two months till this baby comes! There's so much I thought I was gonna do in my life.
George: I'm sure you've done plenty.
Pastor Jeff: Nothing cool. Look at you. You played football and rode a motorcycle.
George: Well, you save people's souls. That's neat, right?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, it's neat as neat can be, but you know that's not what I'm talking about.
George: [sighs] Look, being a dad doesn't mean your life is over. It just means it's different. Instead of playing football, I get to coach it now. I mean, high school football. Not college like I'd hoped. I-Instead of a motorcycle, I drive a truck. To work every single day. To pay the bills. [sighs] Oh. Endless bills. What happened to my life?
Pastor Jeff: Orange wedge?