Meemaw: You didn't have to storm off. You're being childish. So I don't want to get married. It's nothing personal.
Dale: Well, it feels personal.
Meemaw: I'm not rejecting you. I'm rejecting marriage. If it helps, it's not the first proposal I've turned down.
Dale: How the hell does that help? After everything that I've done for you and your family!
Meemaw: You give my grandson a job, so I'm supposed to marry you?
Dale: Well, you can forget I even asked.

Sheldon: Do people know about this?
Meemaw: Sheldon, what's on a person's face is not always what's in their heart.
Sheldon: Well, this changes everything. How do you know who to trust?
Meemaw: You don't. That's what makes life interesting.

George Jr.: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?
George Sr.: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.
George Jr.: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.
Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.

George Sr.: You don't always win in life, he needs to learn that.
Mary: I know, but these are big feelings for a little boy.
George Sr.: They're feelings everybody has. It's part of growing up.
Mary: I guess.
Sheldon: Poodle poop!
Meemaw: Okay. Somebody's got to teach this kid to swear, it's embarrassing.

Ms. Hutchins: Hi, Sheldon, what can I do for you?
Sheldon: Do you have any books or videos on the Lamaze technique?
Ms. Hutchins: Uh-oh. Georgie get that girl pregnant?
Sheldon: It's for me. I need to have a tooth pulled, and I'd like to do it without putting my brain on drugs.
Ms. Hutchins: Okay.
Sheldon: I've seen that commercial with the egg in the frying pan. Very effective.

George Jr.: Can I at least change the music we play here?
Dale: What's wrong with the music we play here?
George Jr.: Nothing, it's just kind of grandpa music.
Dale: Well, how is this "grandpa music"?
George Jr.: Do you listen to it?
Dale: Yeah.
George Jr.: Do you have grandchildren?
Dale: Yeah.
George Jr.: Do you see where I'm going with this?

George Jr.: There you go. I hope you enjoyed your shopping experience.
Man: I did.
George Jr.: I'd let the manager know, But he already does, 'cause it's me.
[later, to a woman holding a tennis racket:]
Woman: I'll take it.
George Jr.: It's been a pleasure to serve you.
[later, to an older man lifting weights:]
George Jr.: You might want to slow down. We don't have a license to sell guns in here. Just kidding, it's Texas. We got them in the back.