George: Everything okay?
Mary: I'm getting tired of being the bad guy around here.
George: You're not the bad guy. Kids need boundaries.
Mary: That is easy for you to say. I am the only one doing it, and then everyone resents me for it.
George: Hey, you're not the only one. Just today, Georgie and Sheldon were fighting, and I totally took care of it.
Mary: Really? What was going on?
George: They... You know, boy stuff. Don't worry. I got your back.
Mary: Thank you. That means a lot.
George: Teamwork, babe.

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Tam: Look at this, my mother left me a note. "You can do better. Mom." Not "Love, Mom," not "XO, Mom," just "Mom."

Sheldon: Good news, I just spoke to Tommy Clarkson.
Georgie: What? Are you crazy?
Sheldon: Nope, Mom had me tested.

Sheldon: Excuse me, sir. When you're done urinating, I'd like to ask you some questions about social dynamics, intimidation, threats, et cetera. Finish up, no hurry.