Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Good evening. Do you have any idea where I could obtain radioactive material?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's an interesting question. What do you need it for?
Sheldon: I'm trying to build a small nuclear reactor to provide electricity for my house. And possibly the whole neighborhood, if they're nice to me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fun.
Sheldon: The problem is, I don't know where to get the necessary radioactive material.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. Do you happen to have any unexploded atomic bombs?
Sheldon: Not a one.
Dr. John Sturgis: Shoot. What about an X-ray machine?
Sheldon: Nope.
Dr. John Sturgis: That makes sense. You're just a kid. Oh! I know! Smoke detectors contain trace amounts of americium-241.
Sheldon: Interesting. But I'd need a lot of them, and they're expensive.
Dr. John Sturgis: True. Hey, I bet if you call a few companies and say it's for a school project, you could get them for free.
Sheldon: That's a great idea. Thanks.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're very welcome. What a cute kid.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Missy: What's it like to not believe in God?
Sheldon: It's great. Big fan.
Missy: Are you ever afraid you're wrong?
Sheldon: About religion? Never. About other things? Also never.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: Ergo?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, I believe I have answers to all your questions.
Meemaw: Lay it on me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Time: the event begins at 6:00 p.m. The dress code is: business attire. Dinner will be served, but it's been suggested that we eat first, because the food is dreadful.
Meemaw: Good to know.
Dr. John Sturgis: And last but not least, a camelid is any member of the camelidae family, such as llamas, alpacas or vicuñas. You didn't ask that one, but, uh, it seemed like something you should know.

Sheldon: Why are you eating cereal for dinner?
Billy Sparks: I was hungry, and my parents are in their bedroom kissing.

George Sr.: Do you have any idea what our electric bill is?
Sheldon: Yes. I do our taxes. And it's higher than it should be.
George Sr.: And why do you think that is?
Sheldon: Well, I don't want to point any fingers, but Missy sleeps with a night-light.