Mary: All I care about is that my son gets the education he deserves, so you all are gonna have to figure this out.
Principal Petersen: Coach, can you help me out here, please? 'Cause I'm dyin'.
George: I'd rather not.

George: You mean Sheldon? You can't let that bother you.
Georgie: It doesn't bother you? You got called to the principal's office.
George: Yeah, that wasn't so great.

Georgie: I can't be in the same school as him!
George: Well, I don't see what choice you have.
Georgie: Right. Ever since he could talk, I quit having any choices.
George: I know it's hard. I'm telling you, as your coach, quit your whining, get your uniform on and you get your ass back out there.
Georgie: But what about as my dad?
George: Your dad is having a bad day. Listen to your coach.

Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Missy: I'm having one right now.
Sheldon: Really? What is it?
Missy: When we get home, I'm gonna kick your little balls.
Sheldon: You can't. They haven't descended yet.

Mary: Go play.
Sheldon: "Go play" if only life were that simple.

Sheldon: You know what I find comforting?
Mary: What's that, baby?
Sheldon: In a world filled with uncertainty, this place will be here forever.

Missy: All I know is, he's not in the same grade as me any more. And I'm thrilled.

Mary: Okay, well You have a good day. And I'll pick you up after school, same door we came in.
Sheldon: Are you crying or having an allergy attack?
Mary: Allergies.
Sheldon: It's probably the ammonia.
Mary: Probably.

Principal Petersen: George, you got any thoughts here?
George: I certainly do. Mary, tell him.
Mary: It's simple. We don't have a choice.
Principal Petersen: Well, you gave it a shot. We wish you luck with Sheldon elsewhere-
Mary: No, no, no. We don't have a choice. He's got to stay here. We can't afford private school. I sure can't homeschool him. He's doing calculus and Euclidean something or other.
Ms. Ingram: Euclidean geometry. Guess where I learned that.
Mary: Yeah, yeah, we know.

Professor Proton: [on TV] Can a clock be powered by an ordinary potato? I hope so, boys and girls, or this is going to be a really boring episode.

Sheldon: Hey, mom, look. That girl's pregnant.
Mary: Congratulations.

Sheldon: Would you like to play a driving game?
Mary: Not really. I always lose.
Sheldon: I know. That's why it's fun.

Sheldon: Okay. Let the learning begin.

Georgie: Can I drive in with you?
George: Sure.
Missy: Everybody's gonna know he's your brother. It's gonna be awful for you.
Georgie: Tell her to shut up.
George: She's not wrong.

Missy: Mom, Sheldon can't find his bow-tie.
Mary: Really? I laid it out for him.
George: Leave it alone, Mary. He doesn't need a bow-tie.
Mary: It's his first day of school. Let him wear what he wants.