Sheldon: Georgie, did you wash your hands before dinner? Or even this week?
Georgie: None of your business.
Sheldon: Hence the mittens.

Sheldon: I'm not going to be assaulted. High school is a haven for higher learning.
George: Oh, dear God.

George: Did you ever wonder why we moved from Galveston to Medford?
Sheldon: I tend to worry about the bigger questions.
George: Okay. Well, here's why. Your Dad had a real good coaching job and I saw some grown-ups breaking rules.
Sheldon: What'd they do?
George: I-It's kind of complicated, but football coaches aren't allowed to recruit kids from other high schools to play on their teams.
Sheldon: And you told on them?
George: Yeah. You know what happened?
Sheldon: Justice descended on the rule breakers?

Sheldon: [observing the older kids outside the high school] Oh dear.

Mary: Lord, look after my son. Don't let him get stuffed in a gym bag.

Mary: Shelly, it's your last day of summer. Go out and enjoy it.
Sheldon: But I have to learn the student handbook. Ooh, did you know extreme hairstyles, goatees and mustaches are not allowed?
Mary: I didn't.
Sheldon: I personally find that very reassuring.

Mary: What am I supposed to do? His feet are growing.
George: Why can't he wear Georgie's old shoes?
Mary: He won't hold your hand. You think he's gonna put his feet in his brother's smelly shoes?

Missy: She's lying. She just said that to make you feel better.
Sheldon: Mom doesn't lie. Sure, she thinks the Earth was made in six days, but that's 'cause she's gullible, not a liar.

Mary: And remember, if anybody bothers you, what do you say?
Sheldon: My dad's a football coach.
Mary: And?
Sheldon: My brother's a football player.
Mary: Good.

Ms. MacElroy: All right, everybody, my name is Ms. MacElroy. In addition to being your homeroom teacher, I'll be seeing some of you in my English class, and some of you on the volleyball court. Just to give you a little history, I've been here at Medford for 29 years I taught some of your older brothers and sisters, and sadly, some of your parents. Not much I haven't seen. Until today. I'm sure you're well aware we have a student with us, who, despite his young age, is remarkably gifted. And I expect y'all to make him feel welcome.

Ms. Fenley: You have perfect pitch.
Sheldon: Okay.
Ms. Fenley: Sweetheart, you should really pursue music.
Sheldon: No, thank you. Musicians take drugs. Is there a faculty restroom I could use?

Sheldon: I'll go with you, Mom.
Missy: Why are you going? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: No, but I believe in Mom.
Mary: I'll take it.

Mary: That's enough. No one's adopted.
Missy: I wish I was.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Adult Sheldon: It was family dinners like this that led me to adopt a mid-Atlantic accent. Nobel Prize winners [in a Southern accent] ought not be orderin' tater tots.

Ms. MacElroy: This is a stupid idea. This boy does not belong in our school.
Principal Petersen: Come on Vicky, it's just the first day. Why don't we all just take a deep breath here?
Ms. MacElroy: The hell with that.