Sheldon: Georgie, did you wash your hands before dinner? Or even this week?
Georgie: None of your business.
Sheldon: Hence the mittens.

Sheldon: I'm not going to be assaulted. High school is a haven for higher learning.
George: Oh, dear God.

George: Did you ever wonder why we moved from Galveston to Medford?
Sheldon: I tend to worry about the bigger questions.
George: Okay. Well, here's why. Your Dad had a real good coaching job and I saw some grown-ups breaking rules.
Sheldon: What'd they do?
George: I-It's kind of complicated, but football coaches aren't allowed to recruit kids from other high schools to play on their teams.
Sheldon: And you told on them?
George: Yeah. You know what happened?
Sheldon: Justice descended on the rule breakers?

Sheldon: [observing the older kids outside the high school] Oh dear.

Mary: Lord, look after my son. Don't let him get stuffed in a gym bag.

Mary: Shelly, it's your last day of summer. Go out and enjoy it.
Sheldon: But I have to learn the student handbook. Ooh, did you know extreme hairstyles, goatees and mustaches are not allowed?
Mary: I didn't.
Sheldon: I personally find that very reassuring.

Mary: What am I supposed to do? His feet are growing.
George: Why can't he wear Georgie's old shoes?
Mary: He won't hold your hand. You think he's gonna put his feet in his brother's smelly shoes?

Missy: She's lying. She just said that to make you feel better.
Sheldon: Mom doesn't lie. Sure, she thinks the Earth was made in six days, but that's 'cause she's gullible, not a liar.

Mary: And remember, if anybody bothers you, what do you say?
Sheldon: My dad's a football coach.
Mary: And?
Sheldon: My brother's a football player.
Mary: Good.

Ms. Fenley: You have perfect pitch.
Sheldon: Okay.
Ms. Fenley: Sweetheart, you should really pursue music.
Sheldon: No, thank you. Musicians take drugs. Is there a faculty restroom I could use?

Sheldon: I'll go with you, Mom.
Missy: Why are you going? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: No, but I believe in Mom.
Mary: I'll take it.

Mary: That's enough. No one's adopted.
Missy: I wish I was.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Adult Sheldon: It was family dinners like this that led me to adopt a mid-Atlantic accent. Nobel Prize winners [in a Southern accent] ought not be orderin' tater tots.

Ms. MacElroy: This is a stupid idea. This boy does not belong in our school.
Principal Petersen: Come on Vicky, it's just the first day. Why don't we all just take a deep breath here?
Ms. MacElroy: The hell with that.

Sheldon: That boy has an exposed tattoo.
Mary: He does.
Sheldon: I wonder if he knows that's in violation of the dress code.