Missy: "I hope your arm gets better soon. XO, Missy". See? Nothing mean.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Adult Sheldon: My sister could have a big heart. If only that were true of her brain.
Sheldon: That's the wrong "your".
Missy: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: It's supposed to be Y-O-U-R. What you wrote means, "I hope you are arm gets better".
Missy: Oh.
Sheldon: You defaced my body with a grammatical error.
Missy: I guess that's your problem. Y-O-U-R.

Brenda Sparks: I just wanted to check in and see how Sheldon's doing.
George Sr.: He'll be fine. It's just a little fracture.
Brenda Sparks: Oh. Poor kid. Please know we feel terrible.
George Sr.: Eh, accidents happen.
Brenda Sparks: Hey, speaking of accidents, which this clearly was, insurance covers everything, right?
George Sr.: If you're worried about me sending you a bill, don't be.
Brenda Sparks: Wasn't worried. I just wanted to bring you some food as a peace offering and promise it will never happen again.
George Sr.: Well, thanks. [lifts up the foil] Ooh, fried chicken.
[After George gets a concerned look on his face, he looks over at Brenda and points to the plate of fried chicken]
Brenda Sparks: Never again.

Missy: That's so cool. Can I sign it?
Sheldon: Why?
Missy: 'Cause that's what kids do.
Sheldon: Why would I care what kids do?
Missy: So when it's over, you can have a cool reminder?
Sheldon: I don't want a reminder. This is traumatic. I might need counseling.
Missy: Come on, don't be lame. Let me sign it.
Sheldon: You're just gonna write something mean.
Missy: You don't commit a crime and sign your own name. Learned that one the hard way.

Mary: Don't worry, baby. You're gonna be just fine.
Sheldon: Thanks, Mom.
George Sr.: That's what I been saying the whole time.
Sheldon: But she cherishes me.

Mary: Shelly, you okay?
Sheldon: I fractured my ulna.
George Sr.: He's fine. I told you you didn't need to come down here.
Mary: My baby is in the emergency room.
George Sr.: Yeah, with his father.
Mary: Who let him get hurt.
George Sr.: Me? I wasn't even there. If anything, it was Missy's fault.
Sheldon: And Belinda Sparks.
Mary: Who?
George Sr.: A chicken.
Mary: What does a chicken have to do with this?

Dr. Patel: Okay. Looks like you fractured your ulna.
Sheldon: Oh, no.
Dr. Patel: Two weeks in a cast, you'll be good as new.
Sheldon: A cast? Don't those get sweaty?
Dr. Patel: Mm-hmm. They can.
Sheldon: And itchy?
Dr. Patel: A little.
Sheldon: Can it get wet?
Dr. Patel: Not supposed to.
Sheldon: Then how am I supposed to take a shower?
Dr. Patel: Well, some people wrap it in a garbage bag.
Sheldon: That's where garbage goes. Did you get a discount doctor because we're poor?

Sheldon: This is bad.
George Sr.: You're gonna be just fine.
Sheldon: This is the arm I write with. This is the arm I eat with. This is the arm I do the Vulcan salute with. Ow.
George Sr.: It's not too swollen. That's a good sign.
Sheldon: You're not a doctor.
George Sr.: But I see this on the football field all the time.
Sheldon: Football players are meant to be hurt. I'm meant to be cherished.

George Sr.: I'm gonna take him to the emergency room. Come on. You gonna be okay?
Sheldon: Yeah.
Billy Sparks: Have fun!

George Sr.: You okay?
Sheldon: My arm really hurts. I want Mom.
George Sr.: You got me. Now, let me take a look.
Sheldon: Don't touch it.
George Sr.: I'm not gonna hurt you.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, but you are too big to be delicate.
Billy Sparks: I'm delicate.

Missy: Dad, Sheldon got hurt.
George Sr.: How?
Missy: A chicken chased him into a mailbox.
George Sr.: Course it did.

Adult Sheldon: With no access to controlled substances, I was left with only one option.
Sheldon: Missy, will you teach me to ride a bike tomorrow?
Missy: Why not Mom?
Sheldon: Working.
Missy: Meemaw?
Sheldon: Old.
Missy: Dad?
Sheldon: Fat.
Missy: Okay. [Sheldon exits] I'm such a good person.

Sheldon: Dad, you're a football coach. Do you use human growth hormone to enhance the performance of your players?
George Sr.: We lost our last game sixty-three to nine. What do you think?
Sheldon: I think you should look into human growth hormone. And if you do, send some this kid's way.

George Jr.: What do you want?
Sheldon: I was hoping you could help me build up my leg muscles to increase my speed.
George Jr.: If you don't want people chasing you, be less annoying.

Mary: Why not ride your bike?
Sheldon: I considered that, but I can't let my colleagues see me with training wheels. They'll think I'm a child.
Meemaw: Can't have that.
Sheldon: Mm-mm. See any fuzz growing?
Meemaw: Let me look. [tickles Sheldon]
Sheldon: Hey. [laughs] No, Meemaw! Bad Meemaw.

Meemaw: What are you looking for?
Sheldon: Chest hairs. Is there any chance I'll hit puberty in the next few weeks?
Meemaw: Oh, God, I hope not. Why?
Sheldon: The campus is so big, I'll never make it from one class to another without a solid dose of testosterone.
Mary: Maybe they'll let you leave early so you'll have time.
Sheldon: But the end of the class is when I point out the teacher's mistakes. Everybody loves that.
Mary: I'd say run across campus, but I know how you feel about sweating.
Sheldon: It's the urine of the skin.

Billy Sparks: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Not now, Billy. I'm in the middle of a math problem.
Billy Sparks: Okay. [chicken clucks]
Sheldon: [checks stop watch] Darn it.

Adult Sheldon: I've always enjoyed math word problems. Try wrapping your noggin around this one. A brilliant young boy named Sheldon is about to start college. He needs to get from his linear algebra class to his physics class, which is 822 meters away. If his stride is 23 inches long and he only has 10 minutes, how many steps would he have to take per minute to make it on time? It's a doozy, isn't it? Don't worry. I'll show my work. First, we must determine the maximum velocity achievable without breaking a sweat. Sweating is for jocks and those who are worried the jig is up.

Mary: The kids are asleep. You gonna watch that?
George Sr.: Well, it's MacGyver. He makes stuff out of other stuff. Why, did you want to watch something else?
Mary: I thought maybe we could watch a movie.
George Sr.: Sure, yeah, which one?
Mary: Um... I don't know. I heard that that movie Road House is supposed to be good.
George Sr.: What's it about?
Mary: I think it's about a guy, um... Dalton. Who's a bouncer who has to clean up a bar that's been overrun by a bunch of bad guys.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah, it's got that guy that looks like Georgie in it.
Mary: No, he doesn't.
George Sr.: [laughs] Are you kidding? He looks exactly like him.
Mary: Let's just watch MacGyver.
George Sr.: Cool.

Umpire: Strike three, you're out.
George Sr.: There you go! Ha! That's how you do it!
Woman: Is that your little girl?
George Sr.: That's my little lady. [Missy spits on the mound] Well, sometimes.

Meemaw: Now, circular knitting produces a seamless tube.
Sheldon: You already told me that.
Meemaw: Oh, did I?
Sheldon: Can we circle back to double-pointed needles? I have a follow-up question.
Meemaw: Hold that thought. [closes door]