George: This is your decision, but best I understand, these other schools are the major leagues, and East Texas Tech is T-ball.
Sheldon: Please don't make sports analogies.
George: Fine. These schools are like... Superman and East Texas Tech is like... regular man?
Sheldon: Better, I think.

George: So, we've narrowed it down to five schools. We got Caltech and Stanford in California.
Meemaw: The left coast.
Mary: Mom.
Meemaw: It is.
George: Can I continue?
Meemaw: Also known as the land of fruits and nuts. Continue.
George: And on the East Coast, we got MIT, Harvard and Princeton.
Meemaw: Damn Yankees.
George: We can't move the schools, Connie.

Mandy: Yeah, you don't need a book. Let's just start simple. Um, instead of "ain't," try "isn't."
Georgie: That isn't gonna be a problem.
Mandy: There you go. Now, let's work on "wasn't."
Georgie: Wadn't.
Mandy: Wasn't.
Georgie: Wadn't.
Mandy: See, I'm not hearing the "S."
Georgie: That's 'cause it wadn't there.

Dr. Linkletter: Son, I know you have a lot of options for grad school, and I'm sure you'll make the right choice for yourself and your sweet, aging grandma.
Dr. John Sturgis: Who will miss you so much if you leave.
Dr. Linkletter: Moon Pie... isn't that what she calls you?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sweet.
Dr. Linkletter: So sweet.

Dr. John Sturgis: We know this recruiting thing can be stressful, and we just wanted to see how you're holding up.
Sheldon: It's actually not stressful at all. My parents have been handling most of it.
Dr. Linkletter: That's great. That's why it's good to have family close by.
Dr. John Sturgis: Friends and family just a hop, skip and a jump away.
Sheldon: I don't hop, skip or jump.
Dr. Linkletter: See, that's that sense of humor that we get but strangers may not.
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes. [forced laughter]

Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, Sheldon.
Dr. Linkletter: There's my guy.
Sheldon: Oh, hello. Is everything okay?
Dr. John Sturgis: Does something have to be wrong to hang out with a pal?
Dr. Linkletter: Here at East Texas Tech, we're not just your faculty, we're your friends.
Sheldon: In the past, you made it very clear that we're not friends.
Dr. Linkletter: That's just me giving you the business the way buddies do, you little scamp. [playfully punches Sheldon in the shoulder] Sorry, that was a little hard.

Mary: Hang on a sec. I see an engineering department, a physics department, computer lab. What I don't see is a church.
Mr. Jensen: Don't worry, we have a beautiful nondenominational chapel built in 1956.
Mary: Nondenominational?
Mr. Jensen: Everyone's welcome.
[Mary removes her MIT visor and looks at George, who glumly removes his MI.T. baseball cap]

Mary: I thought U.T. was burnt orange?
Mr. Beaudry: Oh, no, that's the University of Texas. We're the University of Toronto. Go, True Blue.
George: Toronto?
Mr. Beaudry: Yes, sir, we're the Harvard of the North, eh.
George: Well, you should probably get going. Got a long trip ahead of you.

Mrs. Jameson: And of course, some of our alumni include John Kennedy, Franklin Roosevelt, newly appointed Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
George: That's an awful lot of Democrats.
[cut to George and Mary wearing Caltech clothing with Mr. Stevens:]
George: Although Harvard did have some impressive alumni.
Mary: Bunch of presidents and that gal on the court.
George: Mm-hmm.

George: Eh, with all the freeways and traffic in California, he's gonna need a car.
Mary: George, he's 14.
George: Right. He's gonna need a car and a driver.
Mr. Stevens: We can arrange that. So, what do you say? Stephen Hawking and Sheldon Cooper together at Caltech?
Mary: It's very promising.

President Hagemeyer: We have other cards to play. Uh... we're near his family, and he loves you two... God knows why... and most importantly, he hates change.
Dr. Linkletter: I changed deodorants once. He made me change it back. Apparently, I smelled too outdoorsy.
President Hagemeyer: All right, look, we-we've been catering to Sheldon and his family for years, so let's take advantage of what we know and use it to keep him at East Texas Tech.
Dr. John Sturgis: His mother is very religious. Someone might mention Caltech was founded by a Satanist.
President Hagemeyer: Good, good. Wait-wait, is that true? Actually, I don't care. We're using it.
Dr. Linkletter: It is true.
President Hagemeyer: And again, I don't care. So, what else we got?

President Hagemeyer: Well, I hope you two are happy. Sheldon is being recruited by Princeton, by Stanford, MIT, Caltech. We are losing him, and you two have done nothing.
Dr. Linkletter: What can we do? Those are some of the best schools in the world.
President Hagemeyer: We have a wonderful graduate program for physics.
Dr. Linkletter: Actually...
President Hagemeyer: You're the chair of the department.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, and the program is far from wonderful.
Dr. John Sturgis: That said, our animal husbandry department is first-rate.

Georgie: Do you think I talk funny?
Mandy: What'd my mom say?
Georgie: Just that I should speak more proper.
Mandy: You're fine, and she should mind her own business.
Georgie: Thanks, 'cause she's all worried CeeCee's gonna sound like me.
Mandy: Oh.
Georgie: What?
Mandy: Nothing. You know, when I was a weather girl, I took some speech classes, and they really seemed to help.
Georgie: Did you used to sound like me?
Mandy: Oh, sweetie, no. [laughs]

Mary: Whip some of the lumps?
George: Point is, Sheldon's gobbledygook article got us a bidding war.
Mary: George, what do you know about grad school?
George: Nothing, but I do know about recruiting blue chip talent. These schools want him, and we got him.
Mary: He's not a prize heifer to auction off.
George: Mary, we got two average kids. Let's cash in on the smart one.

George: Well, thanks for stopping by.
Phil Lambert: Well, I was kind of hoping I could meet Sheldon.
George: All in good time. We still got to whip some of the lumps out of that offer of yours. We'll be in touch. [closes door]
Phil Lambert: [stammers] Okay.