Phil Lambert: Well, howdy. Is this the Cooper residence?
George: It is.
Phil Lambert: Phil Lambert, Stanford University. I was just passing through Medford and I would love to talk to you about your son's future.
George: Come on in, Phil. Hey, Mare, tell Princeton, Stanford's passing through.

Mary: [answers phone] Hello? This is she. Oh, really?
George: Who is it? [Mary waves George off] If it's a guy about a boat, hang up.
Mary: One moment, please. [covers phone] It's Princeton. They want to talk about Sheldon going to grad school.
George: Ooh, what are they offering?
Mary: I don't know.
George: Full-ride?
Mary: I said I don't know.
George: Well, ask 'em.
Mary: I will if you'll shut up.
George: Okay, but I wouldn't use that tone. [knock at door] I'll get it. Remember, cash is king.

President Hagemeyer: Okay, maybe I can sell this by saying that this is so advanced that even other brilliant scientists don't understand it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sexy.
Dr. Linkletter: [growls]
President Hagemeyer: Don't do that.

President Hagemeyer: So two of the top minds at our school are flummoxed by a 14-year-old.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, "flummoxed" is a strong word.
Dr. Linkletter: But accurate.
Dr. John Sturgis: Accurate.
Dr. Linkletter: Mm-hmm.

President Hagemeyer: The important thing is, that kid belongs to us. He is our cash cow. Okay. Explain this to me so I sound like I know what I'm talking about when I shake the donor tree.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, young Mr. Cooper has reimagined string theory.
Dr. John Sturgis: And compactified dimensions like nobody's business. [both chuckle]
President Hagemeyer: You don't understand this, do you?
Dr. John Sturgis: No.
Dr. Linkletter: Not really.
Dr. John Sturgis: I mean, we get what he's trying to do.
Dr. Linkletter: Absolutely.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, we don't really understand it.
Dr. Linkletter: Not a bit.

Sheldon: It's refreshing to talk to people who appreciate my work.
Dr. John Sturgis: Appreciate it, understand it, and are inspired by it.
Dr. Linkletter: Ditto, ditto and ditto.
Dr. John Sturgis: And I'm sure your family is very proud.
Sheldon: Yes, but not just me. Childish maps, impregnating a woman out of wedlock... they're proud of all their kids.
[Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter stare blankly at Sheldon]

Dr. John Sturgis: Remarkable work. Well done, lad.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, first paper published at 14. Oh. You're officially a wunderkind.
Sheldon: Did you catch my sly in-joke about a tesseract?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did I?
Dr. Linkletter: I did.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you?
Dr. Linkletter: [quietly] I don't know.

Audrey: I just think you may want to try speaking more properly in front of your daughter.
Georgie: Ain't nothin' wrong with the way I talk. Lotta people talk like me.
Audrey: True, but maybe CeeCee will have better opportunities in life if she's well-spoken.
Georgie: She don't even talk yet.
Audrey: No, she doesn't. [sighs] But she's listening and she's learning, and we don't want her first word to be "dang it."
Georgie: Better that than whatever the snooty version of "dang it" is.
Audrey: It's "darn it."
Georgie: Dang it, I knew that.

Audrey: Maybe she'd like some bananas or some applesauce?
Georgie: She don't like none of that.
Audrey: Any of that.
Georgie: Any of what?
Audrey: She doesn't like any of that.
Georgie: That's what I said.
Audrey: No, you said, "She don't like none of that."
Georgie: We're sayin' the same thang.
Audrey: No, we're saying the same thing.
Georgie: Exactly.
Audrey: And we aren't.
Georgie: We ain't?

Georgie: You got to eat them Cheerios, they're good for you. You can tell 'cause there ain't no cartoon on the box. Now, Cocoa Puffs got that bird on 'em, and he's cuckoo for 'em.

George: And for your information, I've lost a little weight.

Sheldon: You know how a Möbius strip generalized to the third dimension is a Klein bottle?
Missy: Dumber.
Sheldon: A Möbius strip is a two-dimensional manifold that's embedded in...
Missy: Dumber.
Sheldon: Do you know what a square is?
Meemaw: Yes.
Sheldon: Cube?
Meemaw: Of course.
Sheldon: Then you know what a C-8 octachoron is.
[Meemaw and Missy stare blankly at Sheldon]

Mary: Shelly, tell your meemaw about your fancy article.
Sheldon: Gladly. As an alternative to the Calabi-Yau manifold, we've come up with a new shape to compactify the extra dimensions in string theory.
Meemaw: Well... hot dog.
Sheldon: Hot dog?
Mary: Maybe explain it a little more simply.
Missy: She means dumb it down.
Meemaw: Hey. But, yeah.

Meemaw: An "A"? That's nice, sweetie.
Missy: It's Medford from the year I was born.
Sheldon: Aren't we going a little overboard with this "A" thing?
George: Hey, some of us never got an "A."
Mary: Really? Not even one?
Meemaw: If only they graded lunch.
George: I'll have you know, I love my body. [Meemaw chuckles]

Mary: Hey, how was school?
Missy: Good. I got an "A."
Mary: That's amazing!
Sheldon: She gets an "amazing"? All-all she did was color inside the lines.
George: She tell you?
Mary: Yes, so great.
Sheldon: Dad, I got published in International Physics Review.
George: Nice, buddy. [pats Sheldon's back] Ooh, new boat catalog.