Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know what to tell you, Linda. We begged him to stay.
Dr. Linkletter: I got down on my knees, and, well, John was already there.
Dr. John Sturgis: We did everything we could to keep him.
President Hagemeyer: I wore a cowboy hat and offered a scholarship to a baby.
Dr. Linkletter: Ooh. You win.
President Hagemeyer: Damn straight.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'd like to propose a toast. To our complete and utter lack of integrity.
Dr. Linkletter: [chuckles] Hear, hear.
President Hagemeyer: Hear, hear.

Sheldon: Mom, Dad, I've made a decision.
George: [turns TV off] All right.
Sheldon: I'm going to MIT.
Adult Sheldon: I know what you're thinking. Wait for it.
Sheldon: I'm so excited to visit MIT.
George: Me, too. Proud of you, son.
Sheldon: Thank you, Dad.
[As Sheldon and George step out of Boston Logan International Airport, the wind is howling and there's snow built up on the ground]
Sheldon: Caltech?
George: Caltech.
Adult Sheldon: Told you.

Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, you can't stay here.
Sheldon: Why?
Dr. Linkletter: You've outgrown us.
Dr. John Sturgis: Me, literally.
Dr. Linkletter: You deserve the best education possible.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're going to do great things, Sheldon. And we're proud to have been a small part of your journey.
Sheldon: So, where should I go?
Dr. John Sturgis: Caltech.
Dr. Linkletter: MIT.

Sheldon: Very well, I'll stay here, I'll work with you two, and everything will be...
Dr. John Sturgis: Stop. [to Linkletter] I can't do this.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm glad you said that. I'm also having qualms.
Sheldon: What are you talking about?
Dr. Linkletter: You.
Dr. John Sturgis: We have to do the right thing for him.
Dr. Linkletter: And for science.
Dr. John Sturgis: So, we're in agreement?
Dr. Linkletter: Consequences be damned.
Sheldon: Will someone please tell me what's going on?

Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Which is better? One [holds out MIT cap] or two [Caltech cap]? One, two? Hat I'll never wear one, hat I'll never wear two.
Dr. John Sturgis: Are you okay?
Sheldon: No, I didn't sleep at all last night. For the life of me, I can't decide between Caltech and MIT. No matter how I analyze it, how I break it down, they're basically equal.
Dr. Linkletter: Great, then just pick the one you want.
Sheldon: What I want is to not have to make this decision.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, you could always stay here.
Sheldon: Maybe you're right. Maybe deciding not to decide is the best decision I can decide.
Dr. John Sturgis: Possibly.
Sheldon: After all, an object at rest stays at rest. That's just physics.
Dr. Linkletter: The kind of physics we understand.

Georgie: [enunciating] Your mother has been helping me, and it has not been easy. But I'm going to keep working on it for you. Okay, let's get you cleaned up.
Mandy: See? He's tryin'.
Georgie: Try-ing.
Audrey: It's nice to see. Who's ready for coffee?
Georgie: I believe you mean, "Whom's ready for coffee?" [exits]
Audrey: Whom's?
Mandy: Oh, let him have this one.

President Hagemeyer: And I guess that's why I'm here. You know, everybody's rolling out the red carpet for Sheldon, as they should. But, I mean, who's looking after your needs?
Mary: Our needs? I don't understand.
President Hagemeyer: Wouldn't you like all your children to be college graduates?
George: [laughs] Wait, are you serious?
President Hagemeyer: I am in a position to offer a full scholarship to Sheldon's twin sister, his older brother, and I understand there's a grandchild in the mix. Just imagine how expensive tuition will be 18 years from now.
Mary: Wow, that is very generous.
President Hagemeyer: No, no, no, I don't... I don't think so. No, I think it's just giving you good, hardworking folk what you deserve.
Mary: I don't know what to say.
George: Yeah, we... we'll have to talk it over a little.
Mary: At the end of the day, it's still Sheldon's decision.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, of course, but-but it's also a family decision, and that is what East Texas Tech is all about. Family. Or, as I like to say, kin.

George: President Hagemeyer. This is a real honor, having you visit.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, stop it with that President nonsense. It's Linda... y'all.
Mary: Okay, Linda, so how can we help you?
President Hagemeyer: No, no, no, how can I help you?
George: Gee, I don't know. Rain gutters could use cleaning.
Mary: George.
George: Just a joke.
President Hagemeyer: Well, it doesn't have to be. You got a ladder and some gloves, I'm your gal.

President Hagemeyer: Howdy.
Mary: Well, howdy yourself.
President Hagemeyer: Is this a bad time?
Mary: No, but Sheldon's not here, if you were hoping to talk to him.
President Hagemeyer: No, I was fixing to talk to you and your hubby.
Mary: Come on in.
President Hagemeyer: I brought you some pecan pie and some beer to wash it down.
Mary: You didn't have to do that.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, it's no problem. It's my ding-dang pleasure.
Mary: Okay. George?

Missy: Well, the important thing is, no matter where you go, I'm gonna turn this room into a dance studio.

Missy: Well, if you want my opinion, I say pick the one that's near the beach and Hollywood.
Sheldon: I hate those. Advantage MIT.
Missy: Where's that?
Sheldon: Boston.
Missy: So, what's your gut say?
Sheldon: It doesn't say anything. It's not a thinking organ.
Missy: Fine, what's your... Spidey-sense tell you?
Sheldon: Spidey-sense warns Peter Parker of imminent danger. It doesn't help him pick schools.

Missy: What school's winning?
Sheldon: I've narrowed it down to Caltech and MIT. Geographically equidistant, so the travel time home would be about the same. Caltech has Stephen Hawking, which is exciting, but he hasn't won a Nobel Prize, unlike Henry Kendall at MIT, who recently did.
Missy: What's this little guy?
Sheldon: Both schools' mascot is a beaver. Not pertinent to my needs, but amusing nonetheless.

Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I can't sleep. This is the biggest decision of my life.
Missy: What's all this?
Sheldon: I'm employing an algorithm to assigns points to each school so I can statistically decide which is the best.
Missy: Hmm. How about "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe"?
Sheldon: I won't miss you.
Missy: Same.

Sheldon: This is a difficult decision.
Mary: Which is why we're all here to help you make it.
Fresh Prince: [theme song plays on TV] ♪ Now, this is a story ♪ ♪ All about how my life got... ♪
Missy: Are we not done? It-it felt done.

Mary: If you're worried about being far away, they're all offering to pay for travel expenses so you can come home for the holidays.
Missy: But to be clear, you don't have to.
Mary: And we can also come and visit you.
Meemaw: Ooh, free trip. I like that.
George: You were just complaining about these places.
Meemaw: I can complain on a beach.