Linda: I mean, you, of all people, would understand. You've got a special child of your own.
George Sr.: I do, I do.
Linda: How do you and Mary handle the stress?
George Sr.: Well, we actually have a pretty good system.
Linda: Oh, please tell me.
George Sr.: We don't talk about it.
Linda: Not at all?
George Sr.: Zippo.
Linda: Boy, that doesn't sound like it could work.
George Sr.: Suit yourself, but I'm having a nice day; you're crying into your peach cobbler.

Dr. Barrett: Do you want to kick this off and tell us exactly what carbon dating is?
Paige: The 5,730-year half-life of carbon 14 is used as a geochronometer.
Dr. Barrett: Anything else you'd like to add?
Sheldon: Um... carbon dating is how we figured out how old my grandmother is.
Adult Sheldon: It was at this moment I learned I was not only brilliant; I was also hilarious. [ADULT SHELDON LAUGHS]

Dr. Barrett: This is a nice surprise. I don't usually see young people at my lectures.
Paige: I enjoyed your paper on accelerator mass spectrometry, and wanted to find out more.
Dr. Barrett: Is that so? And you?
Sheldon: I read this magazine.
Dr. Barrett: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: It has puzzles, too.
Dr. Barrett: Okay.

Paige: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Paige?
Paige: I'm so happy to see you. Are you happy to see me?
Sheldon: Not immediately.
Paige: That's okay. I'm happy enough for both of us.

George Sr.: All right, now, don't wander off. Pick you up right after the lecture's over.
Sheldon: Bye.
George Sr.: You gonna be okay by yourself?
Sheldon: I actually prefer it.
George Sr.: Yep. I'm leaving.
Sheldon: You keep saying that, but then you don't do it.
George Sr.: Bye.
Sheldon: He's so needy.

Mary: Dad's clothes, his shoes, his pipes?
Meemaw: Honey, it's just stuff. I know, but still I get how you're feeling. I do. Now go away. I got a lot of crap to sell.

Mary: Oh, you're selling his golf clubs, too?
Meemaw: Which one of your children do you see hanging out with Arnold Palmer in the future?

Mary: Really? It was his first attempt at taxidermy. He was so proud.
Meemaw: If it has sentimental value to you, I'll let you have it for five dollars.
Mary: Ooh. For this nasty thing?

Mary: Wow. You're really cleaning house.
Meemaw: Got to get rid of the old gar-bage, make room for the new gar-bage.
Mary: This was Dad's. You're not getting rid of this, are you?
Meemaw: Didn't need it when he shot it, didn't need it when he stuffed it, don't need it now.

Sheldon: Oh, my.
George Sr.: Yeah. I bet he dresses down to about 6,000, 7,000 pounds of USDA prime.
Sheldon: You would eat him?
George Sr.: He'd eat me.

George Jr.: How much are we getting paid today?
Meemaw: You're not getting paid squat. You're helping out your meemaw.
Missy: That doesn't seem fair.
George Sr.: Yeah, we should get something.
Meemaw: Fine. How much you want?
Missy: Five dollars.
George Jr.: Each.
Missy: Each.
Meemaw: That's pretty steep. How about I give you a buck apiece?
George Jr.: Let's meet in the middle, three dollars each.
Meemaw: Now we're haggling. Let me ask you a question. If you break something today, are you prepared to cover the cost of that?
Missy: No.
George Jr.: Nuh-uh.
Meemaw: Mm. Well, we're gonna have to factor that in. And did you bring your own lunch?
George Jr.: You said we were getting pizza.
Meemaw: Well, I did, but pizza ain't free. And I'm teaching you about negotiating, which is a pretty valuable life lesson, right?
Missy: Yeah.
George Jr.: I guess so.
Meemaw: So, if my math is right, you owe me two dollars each.
George Jr.: We owe you?
Meemaw: The numbers don't lie.
George Jr.: Dang it.
Meemaw: All right, listen. I love ya, and you're family, so if you do it for nothing, we'll call it even.
Missy: Take it, take it, take it.
George Jr.: You got yourself a deal.
Meemaw: [SIGHS] Y'all drive a hard bargain. [MUFFLED LAUGHTER] Now start bringing that crap outside. [LAUGHTER]

Meemaw: All right, as soon as I get these tables set up on the lawn, y'all can start bringing that stuff out.
George Sr.: You think you're gonna get ten bucks for this piece of junk?
Meemaw: Hey, that piece of junk is a wedding gift from my cheap-ass Cousin Betty. And I was gonna leave a little room to haggle.
Missy: What's a haggle?
Meemaw: Negotiating. You start high, they offer less, then you meet somewhere in the middle. Leaves them feeling like, you know, they got a deal.
Missy: Did they?
Meemaw: [GIGGLING] Not if you did it right.

Sheldon: Hearing that further convinces me I'll never get married.
George Sr.: Never say never.
Sheldon: Why not? You just said it twice.

Sheldon: Dad, do you believe that fossils are millions of years old?
George Sr.: I guess. Why?
Sheldon: Well, Mom believes the world was only created 6,000 years ago.
George Sr.: Yeah. So?
Sheldon: Are these differences a sticking point in your marriage?
George Sr.: Not at all.
Sheldon: Why?
George Sr.: Simple. We never talk about it.
Sheldon: So you just avoid discussing topics you don't agree on?
George Sr.: At all costs.

Sheldon: There's going to be a lecture on carbon dating at the Natural Science Museum on Saturday. Who would like to take me?
George Sr.: You know what? I'd be happy to.
Meemaw: What happened to helping me at my yard sale?
George Sr.: Ooh, is that this Saturday? I'm sorry. I'm taking him to a lecture on, uh what is it? Carbonation?
Sheldon: Carbon dating. A method of determining the age of artifacts and fossils.
George Sr.: Hey, we could use that to figure out how old your grandma is.
Sheldon: That won't work. You can't carbon-date something that's alive.
George Sr.: Well, then, we'll just chop her down and count the rings.
Meemaw: Oh, George, did my "lump of clay" remark strike a nerve?
George Sr.: A little.

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George Sr.: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Adult Sheldon: From a young age, I was the proud member of several elite organizations: The Radio Shack Battery Club, entitling the bearer to the incredible bargain of one free battery per month. It's no wonder they went out of business.
Starfleet International, entitling the bearer to say things like, "I'm a member of Starfleet International."
And best of all, the Natural Science Museum of Texas, which included a free subscription to their magazine.
Sheldon: "The secrets of carbon isotope dating." Juicy.

All: Trick or treat.
Judy: Aren't y'all precious. And you look like a little Carl Sagan.
Adult Sheldon: Vindication, the sweetest candy of all.

Adult Sheldon: My mother's fears that no one would be saved that Halloween night were proven incorrect.
Mr. Lundy: As they kissed, she thought about the choices that led her to this moment.
Adult Sheldon: Mr. Lundy's scene about lust made a deep impact on my brother's date.
Mr. Lundy: Her youth was gone. She had traded her beauty for a few tawdry dollars, and now she had nothing left but shame and venereal disease.
Adult Sheldon: She asked to be saved by Jesus.
Veronica: [CRYING] I don't want to live like this anymore.
Mary: Oh, just repeat after me-
Adult Sheldon: And as it turns out, she was. She went on to live a life devoted to God, feeding the poor, even helping her sister start a literacy program for female prisoners. My brother, on the other hand, became a devout atheist after that night.
Mary: We got one!

George Sr.: Famine. Famine would bring 'em in.
Mary: What do you know about famine?