Georgie: How much are we getting paid today?
Meemaw: You're not getting paid squat. You're helping out your meemaw.
Missy: That doesn't seem fair.
George: Yeah, we should get something.
Meemaw: Fine. How much you want?
Missy: Five dollars.
Georgie: Each.
Missy: Each.
Meemaw: That's pretty steep. How about I give you a buck apiece?
Georgie: Let's meet in the middle, three dollars each.
Meemaw: Now we're haggling. Let me ask you a question. If you break something today, are you prepared to cover the cost of that?
Missy: No.
Georgie: Nuh-uh.
Meemaw: Mm. Well, we're gonna have to factor that in. And did you bring your own lunch?
Georgie: You said we were getting pizza.
Meemaw: Well, I did, but pizza ain't free. And I'm teaching you about negotiating, which is a pretty valuable life lesson, right?
Missy: Yeah.
Georgie: I guess so.
Meemaw: So, if my math is right, you owe me two dollars each.
Georgie: We owe you?
Meemaw: The numbers don't lie.
Georgie: Dang it.
Meemaw: All right, listen. I love ya, and you're family, so if you do it for nothing, we'll call it even.
Missy: Take it, take it, take it.
Georgie: You got yourself a deal.
Meemaw: [SIGHS] Y'all drive a hard bargain. [MUFFLED LAUGHTER] Now start bringing that crap outside. [LAUGHTER]

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Meemaw: I know this is hard for everyone. It's certainly hard for me. But no one... is more upset with George's passing than the Lone Star Beer company. That flag is at half-mast. [laughter] On the other hand, there's a lot of cows out there that are breathing a sigh of relief. As the king of brisket has put down his fork and ridden off into the sunset. [laughter] And, uh, I'll tell you something...
Missy: Why are they laughing at Dad?
Georgie: 'Cause they love him.
Meemaw: ...that I always kind of kept to myself, but... I wasn't always a big supporter of George and Mary being an item. As a matter of fact, whenever he came to visit, I would always invite Mary's slutty friend Janice over, hoping to catch his interest. [laughter] Hey, Janice. Thanks for coming. You're a doll. [Dale looks back] Anyway... George only had eyes for Mary. And of course brisket. [laughter] And over the years, he surely earned my respect. He was a good man. [voice breaking] And I will always be proud... to call him my son.

Sheldon: Meemaw? I assume you've read the Surgeon General's report on the dangers of smoking?
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait till they turn it into a movie.

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Paige: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Paige?
Paige: I'm so happy to see you. Are you happy to see me?
Sheldon: Not immediately.
Paige: That's okay. I'm happy enough for both of us.

Sheldon: There's going to be a lecture on carbon dating at the Natural Science Museum on Saturday. Who would like to take me?
George: You know what? I'd be happy to.
Meemaw: What happened to helping me at my yard sale?
George: Ooh, is that this Saturday? I'm sorry. I'm taking him to a lecture on, uh what is it? Carbonation?
Sheldon: Carbon dating. A method of determining the age of artifacts and fossils.
George: Hey, we could use that to figure out how old your grandma is.
Sheldon: That won't work. You can't carbon-date something that's alive.
George: Well, then, we'll just chop her down and count the rings.
Meemaw: Oh, George, did my "lump of clay" remark strike a nerve?
George: A little.