Principal Petersen: 'Cause I have a bet with the Jasper principal and I really don't want to wear a pink cowboy hat to the next pep rally.
George: [chuckles] I gotta be honest, it'd be going better if Pastor Rob would stay in his lane.
Principal Petersen: Well, I thought the kids liked having him around.
George: Yeah, 'cause he's filling their heads with junk like they should be treated nice and not get yelled at.
Principal Petersen: Oh. Well, he's one of those, huh?
George: [chuckles] Yeah. So I can get rid of him?
Principal Petersen: Hell no. We just beat Pineview by 28 points. You telling me God didn't have anything to do with that?
George: Well, I think I deserve a little credit.
Principal Petersen: Fine, good job. Mustache boy stays.

Principal Petersen: George, you don't mess with a winning streak.
George: So as long as we're winning I'm stuck with this guy?
Principal Petersen: That's right.
George: What if we lose?
Principal Petersen: Then you're gonna get murdered by a guy wearing a pink cowboy hat.

Sheldon: Dad, I have a question for you.
George: [sighs] Not a good time, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Please, it's really important.
George: Whatever it is, fine.
Sheldon: Mom, Dad said I could drop out of college!
George: What?
Mary: [o.s.] George!

Missy: [answers phone] Hello?
Dean: Hey, Missy, it's Dean.
Missy: Oh, hi... Hey, I mean... Hi.
Dean: It was, uh, fun hanging out with you the other night. I thought maybe we could do it again.
Missy: Totally. We could go to the mall. Or we could go mini-golfing.
Dean: I was thinking maybe we could hang out with your grandma again.
Missy: And do what?
Dean: I don't know, uh, we could play a board game, or... Oh, my grandma loved to bake cookies with me.
Missy: I guess that could be fun.
Dean: Great. It's a date.
Missy: Right. You and me.
Dean: At your meemaw's. Can't wait. Bye.

Gary: Thank you so much for bringing this opportunity to me. This is exciting.
Sheldon: So will you give us the funding?
Gary: Well, it's a lot of money, but my horoscope did say take a chance today.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're, uh, making a big financial decision based on astrology?
Gary: I know, I'm such a Gemini, right?
Sheldon: That's ridiculous. The alignment of the planets and stars has no correlation to your success or failure.
Gary: Ah, this is great. I mean, science thrives on this kind of debate.
Sheldon: This isn't a debate.
Gary: Rebuttal: Yes, it is. There we go again. [chuckles]

Gary: Oh, I gotta tell ya, making lab furniture has made me rich, but this, this is what I really love.
Dr. John Sturgis: Now, just to be clear, we're looking for a financier, not a partner.
Gary: Oh, yes, no, this is your baby. You guys are the parents, I'm just a wet nurse. Just a wealthy, wealthy wet nurse.
Dr. John Sturgis: What does that mean?
Sheldon: A wet nurse is a woman who suckles another...
Dr. John Sturgis: No, no, I know what it means, I just meant what does he mean?
Gary: Well, I mean I just want to be around the process. Anything you need, I'm your guy.
Sheldon: But I'm still in charge, right?
Gary: Did NASA fake the moon landing?
Sheldon: No.
Gary: See, that's what I thought until about a year ago. Oh, we're gonna have so much fun.

George: You got something to say, let's hear it.
Pastor Rob: I just don't think they're gonna expect you to go for it. You fake a field goal, you might catch 'em off guard.
Coach Wilkins: Actually, Pastor Rob, at this level that kind of play never...
George: Hang on, Wayne. Rob got us a win last week all on his own. Who are we to say no?
Coach Wilkins: Are you sure?
George: Yeah, I'm sure. What's the worst that could happen?
Coach Wilkins: We could lose.
George: Yep. And who would we blame?

George: [to Pastor Rob] I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but if I was a prayin' man, I'd start now.

Principal Petersen: George, you crazy son-of-a-bitch, I can't believe you pulled that off!
George: Me, neither.
Pastor Rob: Looks like we make a pretty good team, George.
[As Pastor Rob celebrates with the team, a glum George stands still. Two players walk up and dump a container of sports drink over George.]

Missy: Hey, Dean, want to help me roll out the dough?
Dean: Yeah, one second, I'm just helping Grandma grease the pan.
Meemaw: Who?
Dean: Oh, uh, sorry. You just remind me of my grandma.
Meemaw: I tell you what, why don't you help Missy, and I'm gonna start the dishes.
Dean: Oh, uh, while the cookies are baking, maybe you could teach me how to play gin rummy.
Missy: All right, we're done here.
Dean: What?
Missy: You heard me.
Dean: Are you breaking up with me?
Missy: Yeah. You can go now.
Dean: But my mom's not picking me up till 7:00.
Meemaw: Oh, I'll get the cards. [Missy sighs]