Meemaw: I knew all that God talk was covering something really evil.
Mary: I am trying to make a special trophy for Missy. So I'm gonna take this head and put it on that body.
Meemaw: Whatever you say, Dr. Frankenstein.
Mary: My daughter deserves to have a trophy that looks something like her.
Meemaw: So this is kind of a feminist gesture on your part.
Mary: I prefer to think of it as a maternal gesture.
Meemaw: Let's just split the difference and call it the stuff of nightmares.
Mary: It'll look better when I paint it.
Meemaw: I don't think so.

Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone] Look, I haven't done a forensic examination of this paper, but it's not uncommon to show your work to a colleague to get their feedback.
Sheldon: But I fixed his paper.
Dr. Linkletter: This kind of accusation could have real consequences. I'd consider my next steps very carefully.
Sheldon: You're no help. Put me through to your supervisor.
Dr. Linkletter: Please let me speak to John before you take this any further.
Sheldon: All right, but if he calls me a baby, feel free to say, "Then I guess you needed a baby to fix your paper."
Dr. Linkletter: That's a good one, but I'm not gonna say it.

Jana: You know what you should do? Cut your hair.
Georgie: What?
Jana: I think it'd look better. Ooh, maybe a little beard like George Michael. I wonder how tall he is. I bet he's tall.

Mary: I was gonna give this to you at the end of the season party, but I was so excited that I wanted you to see it now. Mm.
Missy: What the hell is that?
Mary: I couldn't find any girl baseball trophies, so I made you one.
Missy: Why is her head so big?
Mary: It's a Barbie head. I had to improvise.
Missy: You chopped the head off one of my Barbies?
Mary: Don't be silly. I bought a new one.
Missy: I could've had a new Barbie?

Mary: The point is you deserve to be recognized appropriately for everything you've accomplished.
Missy: You can't give that to me in front of all the boys.
Mary: Why?
Missy: It's embarrassing.
Mary: Well, we have plenty of time. I can make the head smaller or the body bigger or a little bit of both.

Missy: I just want the same trophy everyone else gets.
Mary: But I want you to feel special.
Missy: And I just want to feel regular.
Mary: Okay. [sighs] Well... I'll make sure you get a regular one at the party.
Missy: Thank you. Mom, wait. I get what you were trying to do. It's nice.

Missy: Can I keep that one, too?
Mary: You really want it?
Missy: I do.
Adult Sheldon: Despite her many flaws, my sister did have a soft spot in her heart. And a fondness for blowing things up.
Mary: What was that?!

Sheldon: [answers phone] Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: How dare you accuse me of plagiarism? And to my colleague, no less. This is my reputation you're jeopardizing.
Sheldon: Well, give me the credit I deserve and I'll stop.
Dr. John Sturgis: We've been over this. You made a helpful suggestion and then you arrogantly assumed that it entitled you to a coauthor credit, which it doesn't.
Sheldon: But I was the one who...
Dr. John Sturgis: I've been your friend and mentor. The idea that I would steal from you is both personally and professionally insulting.
Sheldon: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but...
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, I don't want to see you in my class anymore. [line clicks, dial tone]