Missy: Hi, uh, ten dollars on pump, uh... whichever that one is.
Cashier: Ain't you young to be driving?
Missy: Oh, I'm just pumping gas for my dad. He's in the bathroom. Might be a while.
Cashier: [scoffs] Been there.

George Sr.: Trust me, Missy's never gonna do anything like this again.
Linda: Aw, bless your heart.
George Sr.: I'm serious. School and home, that's it. No TV, no friends, no shoes. Let's see her run away barefoot.
Mary: That's your plan? Make her hate us even more?
George Sr.: I'm not trying to be her friend, Mary. I'm trying to be her parent.
Mary: What do you think I'm trying to be?
George Sr.: Oh, I don't know. Her neighbor?

Sheldon: Well, based on the time they've been gone and the average speed limit, I've calculated that this circle is the maximum distance they could have traveled.
George Jr.: And what are the pins?
Sheldon: I'm glad you asked. To help narrow down the search, I've identified points of interest to teenage girls. The big four... malls, beauty salons, horse stables and roller rinks.
George Jr.: And what are the blue pins?
Sheldon: Those are places that I'm interested in that we can swing by after we find them. For example, Peaster, Texas...
George Jr.: No one cares.
Sheldon: Peaster, Texas... Birthplace of Robert E. Howard, regarded to be the father of the sword and sorcery subgenre.
Mary: Sheldon, this isn't about you.
Meemaw: But it's a good start. Why don't you go narrow that down even more?
Sheldon: I'll check in Missy's room for clues. If she took her roller skates, this case is closed.

Paige: Think your parents are freaking out?
Missy: Probably having a party. And then Sheldon will complain about them having a party, and they'll stop because he gets everything he wants.
Paige: I know. Try being the golden child. Everybody's always expecting big things from you 'cause you're a genius.
Missy: What do you want to do?
Paige: I don't know. Something simple, easy. You know, I heard there's a place in Florida where you can get a job as a mermaid.
Missy: Really?
Paige: Really.
Missy: Don't get mad at me, but you are a genius.
Paige: Just don't tell the other mermaids.

Missy: What do we do?
Paige: We need to get our stories straight. We're cousins, you're 14, you forgot your license at home, and we're on our way to the hospital to visit our grandma.
Missy: Okay.
[After Officer Larson approaches the car, Missy winds down the driver's-side window]
Missy: I'm only 14, I stole my dad's truck and we didn't pay for breakfast at the diner. We just left.
Officer Larson: Okay. And who's this?
Missy: My cousin, Ginger.

Mary: Is anyone hungry? I can make sandwiches.
Meemaw: No, thanks.
George Sr.: Not hungry.
George Jr.: I could eat.
George Sr.: Then make yourself a sandwich.
George Jr.: Maybe you should eat, cranky.

Sheldon: Okay, I figured it out. Based off the pictures she's ripped out of magazines, she's a big fan of actor Luke Perry.
Meemaw: Who is that?
George Jr.: He plays Dylan on Beverly Hills, 90210. Your classic bad boy.
George Sr.: Your classic bad boy?
George Jr.: Yeah, like me.

Sheldon: The show not only takes place but is also filmed in Los Angeles, California. That's obviously where she's heading. [phone rings]
Meemaw: [answers phone] Cooper residence.
Sheldon: Now, given the amount of time since she's left...
Meemaw: They're okay! [Mary sighs] They've found them.
Mary: Oh, thank God.
George Sr.: Where are they?
Meemaw: Uh, about an hour east of Baton Rouge. Apparently they were on their way to Florida.
Sheldon: That's not where Luke Perry is. Let me speak to them.

Officer Larson: All right. Your parents are on the way.
Missy: Are they mad?
Officer Larson: If my daughter stole my car and ran away, I'd be mad.
Missy: What if she had a good reason?
Officer Larson: Do you have a good reason?
Missy: Well, my brother's really smart and my older brother had a baby and they were ignoring me.
Paige: You might need a better reason.

Missy: Are you taking us to jail?
Officer Larson: No.
Paige: Great, so we can go?
Officer Larson: No. But I'm not taking you in either.
Missy: Why not?
Officer Larson: I got a kid your age. I get it.
Paige: Oh, God, I'd rather sit in jail than have another adult tell me how much they get it.
Missy: Not me. Happy right here.

Linda: I'm real sorry for whatever Paige got Missy into.
Mary: Thanks, but I think this one's on Missy.
Linda: I doubt it. Last month she swiped my credit card and bought a plane ticket to Hawaii. Nonrefundable.
Mary: What did you do?
Linda: What could I do? I dropped her off at her dad's and I went to Hawaii.

George Sr.: So, we weren't supposed to punish her? Kids do stupid stuff, parents yell at them.
George Jr.: Yeah, y'all did it to me, I'm gonna do it to my kid.
Meemaw: Calm down, Daddy. I know y'all are worried, but this ain't helping.
George Sr.: She snuck out and stole my truck. I mean, how is this our fault?
Mary: Well, maybe she was right. She does get ignored around here.
George Jr.: I liked being ignored. Let me get away with all kinds of stuff.
Meemaw: Please stop helping.

Linda: I know it's not my place, but... Barry and I used to keep a bunch of stuff bottled up, and we know how that turned out.
Mary: We're not getting divorced.
George Sr.: Yeah, over my dead body.
Mary: Yeah, that's exactly how it's gonna end.
Linda: Oh, boy.

Sheldon: [sighs] What was Missy thinking? Why Florida?
Meemaw: Why does it matter?
Sheldon: I made a solid hypothesis backed by data. Where did I go wrong?
Meemaw: You tried to predict a teenage girl.
Sheldon: Perhaps when she gets back we can take her in for a brain scan.
Meemaw: Maybe what Missy needs is for us all to be a little understanding.
Sheldon: I'm trying to understand. That's why I need the brain scan.
Meemaw: Look, your sister's going through a lot these days. She's feeling overlooked, confused, angry, sad.
Sheldon: She's feeling all those things at once?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Sheldon: And I can't scan her brain? That is so unfair.

Officer Larson: So, what exactly was your plan?
Paige: We were gonna go to Daytona Beach.
Missy: Like on MTV.
Officer Larson: And what were you gonna do for money?
Paige: I don't know. We would have figured something out.
Missy: Yeah, she's an actual genius. [off Paige's look] Sorry.
Officer Larson: Don't get a lot of geniuses back there. Mostly stupid folk.

George Sr.: I'm just saying, I have a good relationship with Missy. Yeah, I taught her how to throw a ball. Taught her how to drive.
Mary: You taught her how to drive?
George Sr.: Oh, uh... You know, just the basics in- in a parking lot. Hey, she made it all the way to Louisiana without getting into an accident. I think I did a pretty good job.
Mary: Unbelievable.

Linda: If y'all want, I can recommend the marriage counselor me and Barry used. [George snorts] What's... [snorts]?
George Sr.: Y'all got divorced. [chuckles] How good can he be?
Linda: Well, she... [George snorts]
Mary: Stop with the... [snorts]
George Sr.: Oh, like she's not gonna be on your side?
Linda: It's not about sides. She helped us realize we were staying in our marriage for the wrong reasons and it would be better for everyone if we split.
Mary: I'm not sure it was better for Paige.
Linda: Paige's issues have nothing to do with our divorce.
Mary: Sure.
George Sr.: [chuckles] How much she have to pay the counselor to tell her that?
Linda: [sighs] At least my daughter didn't steal my truck, and none of my kids are having babies.
George Sr.: Okay, we all have our stuff. [Linda snorts]

Missy: Here comes another one. [speed gun beeps] Fifty-eight. How does it know?
Paige: It calculates the speed based on the Doppler shift of the reflected radio waves.
Missy: See? Genius. My brother's like that too, but she's way more fun. [car whooshing] [speed gun beeps] Ninety-one.
Officer Larson: All right, buckle up.
Missy: Yes! [siren wails]Show me how to use your gun and I'll cover you.

Mary: If you need a break, I can drive for a bit.
George Sr.: I'm okay, thanks.
Missy: I could take a turn.
Mary: Not a time for jokes.
George Sr.: You may never drive again.

Mary: And you are not hanging out with Paige anymore.
Missy: That's not fair. It was my idea, not Paige's.
George Sr.: You really think that's helping your case?
Missy: Liked it better when you two weren't talking.
Mary: Well, too bad, 'cause we are.
George Sr.: If you're feeling ignored, don't worry. We're gonna be laser-focused on you from now on. [Missy sighs]

Adult Sheldon: This marked the beginning of what our family would come to call "Missy's difficult period." Despite my repeated assurances that I could solve the problem with a brain scan and some low-voltage electric shocks, I was never given the opportunity. Such a shame.

Missy: We are breaking so many laws right now.
Paige: I feel like Thelma & Louise.
Missy: Me too. Have you seen that movie?
Paige: No.
Missy: Me neither. [giggles]

Missy: I'm on pump number three. You?
Customer: Two.
Missy: Nice.

Paige: [answers phone] Hello?
Missy: Hey, it's Missy. I stole my dad's truck, I'm running away. Want to come?
Paige: You're running away? Sounds dangerous.
Missy: Oh, um... well, my dad taught me how to drive and...
Paige: I'm messing with you. Come and get me.

Paige: Why didn't we do this years ago?
Missy: My feet wouldn't reach the pedals.

Sheldon: Dad, wake up. There's a problem.
George Sr.: What? What's wrong?
Sheldon: It's Saturday morning and no one's cooking bacon.
George Sr.: Oh. So go cook bacon.
Sheldon: But Mom cooks bacon.
George Sr.: Well, she's at your meemaw's.
Sheldon: Which is why I'm waking you up.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you're a very intelligent little boy, I'm sure you can handle bacon.
Sheldon: I'll wake up Missy.
George Sr.: No, wait... [exhales] She's mad at the world right now. Just leave her alone.
Sheldon: Then I'll call Mom.
George Sr.: [groans] Okay... I'll make your stupid bacon, happy?
Sheldon: I've been better.

Missy: This is the best day of my life.
Paige: First time running away?
Missy: Pretty much.
Paige: Think your parents know you're gone?
Missy: They barely know when I'm there.
[cuts back-and-forth between George knocking on Missy's bedroom door, and Missy and Paige in a roadside diner:]
George Sr.: [knocks] Missy, there's breakfast. We saved you a little.
Missy: What about somewhere with a beach, like California?
Paige: We've already driven five hours east, so we might want to keep heading that way.
Missy: East. You really are smart.
George Sr.: I get there was a lot of yelling last night. Just want you to know I'm here when you're ready to talk.
Paige: I mean, if you want a beach, then Florida's in the right direction. Oh, and it's almost spring break.
Missy: Like MTV Spring Break?
Paige: Mm-hmm.
George Sr.: If you expect me to apologize, you can sit in there forever.
Paige: Great. Then we're going to Florida.
Missy: Let's pay and get out of here.
Paige: Or... let's not pay and get out of here.
George Sr.: Fine, ignore me. I'm eating your bacon.

Sheldon: You know, there's a more spatially efficient way to do that.
George Sr.: It's good enough.
Sheldon: Is that what you tell your football players?
George Sr.: I make them run laps. That what you want?
Sheldon: You're funny. I like our weekends together.

Mary: Hi, Shelly. How you doing, baby?
Sheldon: I'm all right, although the dishwasher looks like it was loaded by Gustaf Dalén. [off Mary's confusion] He won a Nobel Prize in physics. And was blind.

George Sr.: It's a '86 Ford F-250.
Officer Rodriguez: And you didn't hear anything?
George Sr.: No.
Officer Rodriguez: What about you, ma'am?
Mary: Well, um, actually...
Sheldon: Oh, she hasn't slept here in days. She's just getting her things.
Mary: I was taking care of the baby. We have a new grandbaby. [chuckles]

Mary: Missy. Open up. [gasps] Missy?
George Sr.: Son of a bitch.
Sheldon: Huh, your truck's gone and she's gone? What are the odds of that?
George Sr.: She took my truck, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh, more chaos. Got it.

Mary: I can't believe the last thing we did was yell at her.
George Sr.: Now, don't go blaming yourself.
Mary: Uh, I was blaming both of us.

Mary: How could you not know she was missing?
George Sr.: I thought she was giving me the silent treatment. [Mary sighs] You know, teenage girls.
Officer Rodriguez: I don't.
Sheldon: Moody, moody, moody.
George Sr.: Sheldon.

Officer Rodriguez: When was the last time you saw your daughter?
George Sr.: Uh, well... Hard to say. We just... Lot going on.
Sheldon: Well, at 6:15 she made a plate of food and took it to her room, which I said, "is how you attract ants," and she said to mind my own business, and I said it is my business because her bedroom shares a wall with mine...
Officer Rodriguez: 6:15, got it. No one saw her after that?
Sheldon: Well, at 7:22, she had to use the restroom, but she had to wait because my dad was in there. Probably due to all the beers.
George Sr.: Thank you.
Sheldon: Happy to help. And then at 7:45, she tried the bathroom again, and luckily, by then my father had...
George Sr.: Sheldon, when was the last time you saw her?
Sheldon: Well, at 9:15 I brought her a can of Raid for the ants, and she told me to go to hell, which is rude. And then at 11:06 I tried to communicate with her via walkie-talkie to no response.

Mary: I can't believe she would do this. How does she even know how to drive?
[flashback:]
George Sr.: All right, now, take your foot off the brake gently put it on the... [tires screech] [Missy laughs]
[present:]
George Sr.: I bet your mother taught her.

Mary: None of her friends have heard from her.
George Sr.: The police are looking for my truck, but still no sign.
George Jr.: I can't believe that girl. Did she even think about how worried we'd all be?
Meemaw: Wow, you became a dad fast.
George Jr.: Well, it just kicks in.

Mary: I don't know who else to call.
Sheldon: What about Paige?
Mary: Are they still in touch?
Sheldon: They saw each other a few weeks ago. Although Paige was quite inebriated.
Mary: What?
Sheldon: It means drunk.
George Sr.: We know what it means.
Sheldon: And Paige has run away from home before. If I was going on the lam, that's certainly who I'd contact. "Lam." What a fun word. I'm glad I got the chance to use it. Lam.

Mary: [on the phone] Hi. Linda, this is Mary Cooper. Um, I'm sorry to call out of the blue, but is Missy there with Paige?
Linda: No. Why? What's going on?
Mary: [sighs] Well... Missy has run away, and we thought...
Linda: That my daughter would have something to do with it?
Mary: Oh, no, I'm not accusing her.
Linda: No, that's exactly something she would do. Hold on. Paige.
Mary: [covers phone] I'm thinking she might be with Paige.
Linda: [o.s., on phone] Paige? [opens door] Damn it.

Paige: Hey, can I drive?
Missy: Better not. My dad'll be pretty mad if something happens to his truck.
Paige: Like what, if somebody stole it?
Missy: Oh, my God, I'm a criminal.
Paige: Yeah. It's pretty cool, right?
Missy: I'm gonna be in so much trouble.
Paige: Only if you go back.
Missy: I guess you're right.

Paige: Hey, maybe we should change our names.
Missy: Really?
Paige: And I hate my name. Paige. What am I, a congressional aide?
Missy: Yeah, totally. So, what name are you gonna pick?
Paige: I'm thinking Ginger.
Missy: That is so good.
Paige: Ginger's not a boring scientist. Ginger's fun. She's alive.
Missy: I'm gonna pick Susan. No, Suzie. Much cuter.
Paige: Ginger and Suzie.
Missy: Ginger and Suzie. Wait, is it too late to change my name to Brandi?
Paige: Too late.
Missy: Come on, Ginger.