Mary: Hi, Shelly. How you doing, baby?
Sheldon: I'm all right, although the dishwasher looks like it was loaded by Gustaf Dalén. [off Mary's confusion] He won a Nobel Prize in physics. And was blind.

Sheldon: I started working on this presentation to address specific ethical dilemmas. The laws of robotics, whether torture can be justified, and cloning people for fun and spare parts. But I realized before resolving any of these moral quandaries, the real decision is who gets to decide. Do we put it up for a vote? Does everyone get to decide for themselves? Should it be by committee? Is that committee elected or appointed? You see where I'm going? You probably don't. For the smartest decision, we need the smartest person. Ladies and gentlemen, in the field of scientific ethics, we can't rely on democracy or plutocracy. We need an autocracy, or to be more precise, a "Sheldocracy." [slams fist] [military march plays]
Dr. John Sturgis: Um, I don't think this was the assignment.
Sheldon: Sorry, Dr. Sturgis, I pick the assignments now. Everybody, for next class, I want 500 words on what you can do to further the Sheldocracy. Punishment for typos will be severe.
Dr. John Sturgis: Class dismissed.
Sheldon: Hey, that's my line.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it isn't.
Sheldon: Why don't you see me after class. Class dismissed.

Pastor Jeff: Come on up here, Sheldon. Let's hear what you got.
Sheldon: I've spent the last week studying what people believe, and I've come to a conclusion.
Pastor Jeff: And what's that?
Sheldon: I'm starting my own religion.
Pastor Jeff: I'm sorry, what?
Sheldon: I'm calling it Mathology. It's based on a universal binary system.
Pastor Jeff: That's terrific, Sheldon, but this is a Baptist Sunday school.
Sheldon: I know, I'm here to convert everybody. Any takers?
Pastor Jeff: Okay. Let's go have a talk with your mom.
Sheldon: The only sin in Mathology is being stupid.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: "Ergo"?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Paige: Hey, can I drive?
Missy: Better not. My dad'll be pretty mad if something happens to his truck.
Paige: Like what, if somebody stole it?
Missy: Oh, my God, I'm a criminal.
Paige: Yeah. It's pretty cool, right?
Missy: I'm gonna be in so much trouble.
Paige: Only if you go back.
Missy: I guess you're right.

Paige: [answers phone] Hello?
Missy: Hey, it's Missy. I stole my dad's truck, I'm running away. Want to come?
Paige: You're running away? Sounds dangerous.
Missy: Oh, um... well, my dad taught me how to drive and...
Paige: I'm messing with you. Come and get me.

Sheldon: They saw each other a few weeks ago. Although Paige was quite inebriated.
Mary: What?
Sheldon: It means drunk.
George: We know what it means.
Sheldon: And Paige has run away from home before. If I was going on the lam, that's certainly who I'd contact. "Lam." What a fun word. I'm glad I got the chance to use it. Lam.