Sam: Well, if I were you, I would start building up my résumé now.
Sheldon: Uh, my résumé's pretty good. 4.0, child prodigy. Beloved wherever I go.
Sam: Are you on any published papers?
Sheldon: No.
Sam: Have you presented at any conferences?
Sheldon: No.
Sam: Have you been involved in any outside projects?
Sheldon: I did develop a grant research database.
Sam: Oh, well that's something.
Sheldon: It failed spectacularly.
Sam: Well, hey... at least you're beloved.

Dr. Linkletter: You're late.
Sheldon: Sorry, I ran into Sam.
Dr. Linkletter: Bright girl. She's going places.
Sheldon: Specifically the physics department at Columbia.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, she got in, fantastic. I know she was hoping to spice up her applications.
Sheldon: Well, I like to think that I'm all the spice my applications will need.
Dr. Linkletter: You're not.

Georgie: What are you doing here?
Mandy: Oh, just looking through some of my old videotapes.
Georgie: Oh, cool. Wait, you didn't find any of my tapes, did you?
Mandy: What are your tapes?
Georgie: Nothing.

Mandy: And it's not about money, it's about my life. I want a career.
Georgie: Well, I-I happen to think motherhood is a career.
Mandy: Hmm. What about fatherhood? You have a job.
Georgie: That's different.
Mandy: Why?
Georgie: Because. There's lots of reasons.
Mandy: Oh, okay, so you just get to have a job and a life, and I have to stay home with the baby?
Georgie: Or I have to have a job and you get to stay home with the baby. It's all about perspective.

Mary: Who's gonna watch CeeCee?
Mandy: Well, I was hoping her family would help out.
George: Of course. I mean, I do work.
Mary: I work, too, George.
George: We work.

Mary: Well, I didn't work when my kids were babies.
Sheldon: That's true, she was a stay-at-home coddler.
Mary: Okay, now you're being obnoxious.
Missy: No one wants to hear you talk, ass face.
Sheldon: Thanks, I appreciate the help, but let's keep it clean.
Missy: Butt wad?
Sheldon: Better.

Meemaw: Don't be so hard on yourself, honey. You just had a baby.
Mandy: I'll make sure to tell them that. Apparently everyone loves a working mother.
Meemaw: Is that code for something?
Mandy: Yeah, your family sucks.
Meemaw: Ooh, sounds like I missed a good dinner.

Mandy: Am I a bad mom because I want a career?
Meemaw: Hell no! And you're teachin' your daughter that she can grow up to do something more than raise kids.
Mandy: Yeah!
Meemaw: And you're gonna go in there and you're gonna get this job.
Mandy: Yeah!
Meemaw: But not in that.
Mandy: Yeah.

Meemaw: Hey, dummy. We need to talk.
Georgie: If it's about CeeCee being here, I can explain.
Meemaw: Where is she?
Eric: Right here.
Meemaw: [whispers] Really?
Georgie: It's fine. He's got, like, 15 grandkids.
Meemaw: We'll get back to that.

Meemaw: I have spent my day listening to Mandy bitch about you.
Georgie: Well, I don't suppose you stuck up for me?
Meemaw: No. If you really want to be with that girl, you will not be the one to stand in her way.
Georgie: I'm not trying to. I just want to do what's best for CeeCee.
Meemaw: Obviously.
Georgie: Don't you think she deserves a mom who's home with her?
Meemaw: I think she deserves a mom who's happy and supported by her dad.
Georgie: Huh.

Meemaw: Why is that woman touchin' her head?
Georgie: I'll handle it. Hey! You got to pay for that.

Sheldon: [sighs] Come on, Cooper.
Dr. Linkletter: See? He's been here since this morning. He won't leave.
Dr. John Sturgis: What do you want me to do?
Dr. Linkletter: Get him to leave.
Sheldon: Oh, good, you're both here. This will go faster with three of us.
Dr. Linkletter: Now, do it! Give him the boot.

Mandy: [gasps] There she is. Hi! Um, why does she smell like smoke?
Georgie: Oh, she hung out with me in the gambling room.
Mandy: What?
Georgie: She was a hit. Everybody said she was good luck.

Georgie: I'd love to see you on TV.
Mandy: Aw.
Georgie: Then I can say I slept with that girl on TV.
Mandy: Okay, well...

Sheldon: I always assumed that I'd be the youngest student in grad school, and then the youngest person to win the Nobel Prize, and now it's all slipping away.
Missy: No one cares how old you are.
Sheldon: Really? You don't think I get treated special because of my age and intellect?
Missy: I guess you do get everything you want all the time.
Sheldon: See?
Missy: And whenever you're obnoxious it's always, "Poor Sheldon, he doesn't know any better."
Sheldon: Exactly. "Poor Sheldon."