Mrs. Costello: Okay, let's see. What about Caltech in Pasadena? Sheldon: I can't see myself living in California. I don't trust their carefree lifestyle.
Mary: Hey, what you reading? Missy: A magazine. Mary: Oh. Making a collage for school? Missy: No, just reading it. Mary: Look at that. Maybe Sheldon isn't the only bookworm around here. Which magazine? Missy: Cosmopolitan. Mary: What? Missy: It's a magazine for today's woman. [Mary takes the magazine] Hey! I was about to find out what turns a man on.
Mary: And you are not to bring filth like this into our house again. Missy: That's not fair. Sheldon reads dirty stuff all the time, and you don't say anything. Mary: He does not. Missy: Check out the comic book on his desk. Mary: What? Oh, my goodness. Oh. Oh, my. Hold on. No. No. Th-This blue man's backside is all over the place. Missy: On page 112, you get to see his front side.
George Jr.: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance? George Sr.: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do. George Jr.: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite. Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.
Sheldon: I'm ready to go to college. Mrs. Costello: Okay. Where you thinking? Sheldon: Somewhere with a good science program, but far enough away to make my mom cry herself to sleep every night that I'm gone. Mrs. Costello: You're applying to college out of spite? Sheldon: I see why you're the guidance counselor.