Adult Sheldon: For the record, the Oilers lost that game by four touchdowns. Meemaw never asked for my advice again.

Vincent: Connie, you're putting me in a very awkward position.
Meemaw: I won a toaster oven playing keno. You want it?
Vincent: I got one. I want my money.
Meemaw: All right. Hang on. That's a very nice jacket. You're looking dapper. Ah. Hey, they comp my room here. They do that for you?
Vincent: Actually, they frown upon my presence here.
Meemaw: Oh. I also get a coupon for the breakfast buffet. You should look into that.

Vincent: Constance!
Meemaw: Patience, Vincenzo. [slot machine pays out] Yes! Oh! All right, now we're talking. Will you take a down payment in quarters?
Vincent: Do I have a choice?
Meemaw: Start scoopin'. I got to go see Tony Orlando.

Dr. Hodges: I'll tell you what. Here is a NASA patch. Why don't you have your mom sew that on your book bag?

Dr. Hodges: Now, who here wants to know how astronauts go to the bathroom?
Boy: Me. I do.
Dr. Hodges: Oh, right. See, now, during liftoff, all the astronauts wear diapers.

Dr. Hodges: Yeah, perhaps when Captain Kirk said, "To boldly go," he meant in one of those, huh? Yeah, that's right. Beam me up, Potty!

Sheldon: Mom, can you take me to Radio Shack?
Mary: Not today, baby. I have to go food shopping and get dinner started.
Sheldon: But it's important.
Mary: Sorry. Maybe over the weekend.
Sheldon: But it won't take that long.
Mary: Sheldon, I said no.
Sheldon: But, Mom-
Mary: Not another word.

Adult Sheldon: I'm not proud of it, but as a child, I was prone to the occasional meltdown.
Sheldon: Cheese and crackers!
Adult Sheldon: I'm sorry you had to hear that.

George Sr.: We can't keep putting up with this behavior. We need to ground him.
Mary: How? If you say "No playing outside," he says, "Thank you."

George Sr.: I say no Radio Shack for at least a month.
Mary: Sounds fair.
George Sr.: I'll go tell him.
Meemaw: I'd wait and tell him tomorrow. He's a little loopy right now.

Sheldon: I've heard some interesting research about treating ulcers with antimicrobials.

Mary: Sheldon! What are you doing?
Sheldon: I just need a minute. These things are so slow. [to Dr. Eberland] Is this your family? They're lovely.

Missy: Mom.
Mary: What?
Missy: There's something wrong with Sheldon again.
Sheldon: I figured it out! I figured it out!
George Sr.: One night. I want to sleep one night.

Missy: Oh, God, it's on my shoes, it's on my shoes!
Meemaw: For Pete's sake, somebody open a window.

George Sr.: Yeah, I don't mean to be rude, but we've been waitin' for an hour to see your boss.
Mrs. Veazey: I'm sorry, sir, but you didn't have an appointment.
George Sr.: We didn't have an appointment 'cause every time I called, you put me on hold.

George Sr.: Oh, he's been in there quite a while.
Mary: Well, if the topic is science, he can be a real Chatty Patty.

George Sr.: Connie, one of these days, you got to give me the recipe.
Meemaw: You bet. For sure. One of these days.

George Sr.: I might make it this weekend.
Mary: Or you could try a vegetable.
George Sr.: Vegetable? That's funny.

Meemaw: Now, this is for your eyes only. You're not to share it with anybody.
George Sr.: I never I would never. [reading the note] You're a horrible person.
George Jr.: What'd it say?
Missy: I want to know what it said.
Sheldon: Me, too.
George Sr.: Just eat.
Mary: Can I read it? [reading the note] You are a horrible person.

Mary: All right, that's enough about the brisket. You kids excited for the church picnic tomorrow?
George Jr.: Not really.
Missy: I don't know.
Mary: Oh, come on. You all saw the flier. The three "F"s: food, fun and fellowship.