Tam: So, for many years, my mother and my sisters and I were very poor and very often didn't have much to eat. Then, when he was released-
Georgie: What'd they teach him at the reeducation camp?
Tam: How to be a communist.
Georgie: Cool, like in Rambo.

Mary: These gentlemen are with the FBI. They want to talk to Sheldon.
George: What? Y-You fellas must have made a mistake. Sheldon's nine.
FBI Agent #2: Well, someone living at this address recently called a mining operation in Canada and tried to buy uranium.
Mary: Okay, maybe it's not a mistake.

Mary: I'm gonna keep him company.
George: Hey, hey, hey, Mary. Mary, think this through. Right now the kids are just ignoring Sheldon. What happens if he's sitting with his mommy?
Mary: They could mistake me for a senior. [off George's look] Well, I look younger than you.

Sheldon: Hello, George.
George: What?
Sheldon: I do admire your thick head of hair George.
George: Thanks. What's going on?
Sheldon: Well, I'm practicing the principles in this book.
George: Why?
Sheldon: Well, I know Mom is concerned that I don't have any friends, so I'm determined to remedy the situation.
George: Oh.
Sheldon: George.
George: Well, good for you.
Sheldon: Do you feel complimented when I say your name, George? The book says you should. George.
George: I suppose. Kind of overdoing it a little, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Well, thank you for your criticism. It also says I should praise any improvements that you've made.
George: Okay.
Sheldon: I'll get back to you. George.

Sheldon: Are you by any chance Evelyn Ingram?
Ms. Ingram: Yes.
Sheldon: The same Evelyn Ingram who checked out this book?
Ms. Ingram: And why is that your business?
Sheldon: I just assumed you were looking to make a friend.
Ms. Ingram: Oh, well, that was a long time ago. I had just gotten out of a very difficult relationship.
Sheldon: With a friend?
Ms. Ingram: Friend. Ha! I gave that man three years of my life and my innocence.
Sheldon: I don't know what that means.
Ms. Ingram: It means men are lying dogs only interested in one thing-
Sheldon: Well, that's not the dictionary definition.
Ms. Ingram: Mm-hmm. Always starts the same. A quick glance across the room, a casual hand on the shoulder, lunch at Stuckey's. [LAUGHS] Oh, yeah, it's all romance and flowers in the beginning

Ms. Hutchins: Try this. It's been around a while, but it's still quite popular. Unlike me, who's just been around a while.

Mary: Okay, let's say grace. Now, Tam, when I say "Jesus," feel free to say the word "Buddha" in your head.
Tam: I'm actually Catholic.
Mary: Oh! Well, that's too bad.

Missy: 95, 96, 97. 99, 100.
Sheldon: You missed 11 numbers.
Missy: I don't need to be good at math. I have beautiful hair.
Sheldon: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Mary: So how's it going?
Sheldon: Well, the principles in the book didn't work for me at all. Although Dad does like being called George over and over again, so you might give that a try.

Ms. Ingram: Child, go outside.

Sheldon: I also tried to get some uranium and build an atomic engine, but that stuff's hard to find.
Tam: Probably for the best.

Sheldon: Mom, what do you know about the drug Prozac?
Mary: Not much. Supposed to make people happier. Why?
Sheldon: I was just thinking some of my teachers might benefit from it.

Mary: Hey, here's an idea. Why don't you invite your new buddy over for dinner?
Sheldon: Why?

Sheldon: My mother asked me to ask you if you'd like to join us for dinner.
Tam: Why?
Sheldon: I was hoping you'd know.

Sheldon: (to George Sr.) Why would you think you knew his mom?