George: Jim, it's your wife.
Jim: [takes the phone] Hi, honey. I am sorry, I lost track of time. I was playing with the baby, who, I got to tell you, looks more and more like you every day... Okey-dokey, I will be right home. Five minutes. Gotta go. [exits]

Mary: Hi, Jim.
Jim: Hey, Mary. Good to see you. You looking for some tires?
Mary: Actually, I'm looking for your wife.
Jim: Oh. You're not gonna yell at her again, are you?
Mary: No, no.
Jim: Okay, you sure about that? 'Cause I wouldn't mind seeing it.

Jim: I got you beat. My brother William... [whispers] He's a Democrat. He voted for Mondale.
George: Aw, I'm so sorry.
Jim: Mm. Actually, feels good to talk about it. [Audrey pats Jim's hand]

Mary: I just wanted to drop off an invitation to Mandy's baby shower.
Jim: Oh. Well, that's- that's real kind of you.
Mary: And George is hoping that you'll come over and watch the game with him and Georgie.
Jim: Huh. Well, that sounds like fun.
Mary: And your son is welcome, too.
Jim: All right, well, you know, Connor ain't all that much into football or baseball. [chuckles] Or, shoot, anything with a ball, really.
Mary: Well, if you do come, I know that George is making brisket.
Jim: Brisket and football? [chuckles] Well, you drive a hard bargain.

Adult Sheldon: Heidelberg is considered one of the most beautiful cities in Germany. Heidelberg Palace, the Karl Theodor Bridge, the Schloss Schwetzingen. But I couldn't care less. The only sights I wanted to see were the looks of awe on the faces of my fellow students as I demonstrated my intellectual superiority.
Sheldon: Cylinders that are smaller than ten to the minus-35 meters. [all laugh] What's happening?
Professor Salzman: You don't laugh at people saying stupid things in Texas?
Sheldon: You're darn tootin' we do. So who goofed? [laughter]
Professor Salzman: You did, dummkopf.
Sheldon: Dummkopf? You're calling me a dummy?
Professor Salzman: Class, who knows where the dummkopf went wrong? [hands go up] Mr. Ziegler.
Mr. Ziegler: He forgot to consider the Calabi-Yau manifold.
Professor Salzman: Thank you, Mr. Ziegler.
Sheldon: Wait, what's the Calabi-Yau manifold? [laughter]
Professor Salzman: Dummkopf.
Adult Sheldon: I was quickly learning not all Germans were the warm, fun-loving people I was led to believe.

Professor Salzman: [sighs] You are far behind many of your peers.
Sheldon: I have no peers.
Professor Salzman: I think they would agree. Which is why I'm going to recommend tutoring.
Sheldon: Me tutor them?
Professor Salzman: No.
Sheldon: You tutor me?
Professor Salzman: No.
Sheldon: Me tutor you?
Professor Salzman: Miss Chen.
Mei-Tung: Yes, Professor?
Professor Salzman: You have an undergraduate degree in education, ja?
Mei-Tung: Yes, sir.
Professor Salzman: Teach him.

Sheldon: Professor Salzman, I just wanted to let you know that I studied up and am now well-versed in the Calabi-Yau manifold.
Professor Salzman: Okay.
Sheldon: It was never part of the curriculum at East Texas Tech.
Professor Salzman: East Texas Tech? Sounds charming.
Sheldon: It's actually quite humid. Regardless, I'm ready to reassert myself as class leader.
Professor Salzman: Your classmates are from some of the most elite universities in the world. There is no East MIT.
Sheldon: Well, I would have gone to a better school, but I was 11, which you have to admit is pretty impressive.
Professor Salzman: Sheldon, at some point we ask of the piano-playing dog not, "Are you a dog?" but, "Are you any good at playing the piano?"
Sheldon: Excuse me?