Meemaw: Could you change her and let me finish up here?
Dale: How do you mean?
Meemaw: I mean, like, go get a new diaper and put it on her.
Dale: Oh. No, thanks.
Meemaw: Don't you be a baby. Go and change her.
Dale: The first diaper I change is gonna be my own.
Meemaw: You've never changed a diaper?
Dale: Not a one.
Meemaw: You have kids. And grandkids. How did you get away with never changing a diaper?
Dale: Mm. It wasn't easy. When there's something important to you, you find a way.

Georgie: [o.s.] Did you like school?
Dale: Hated it. I quit and I joined the Army.
Georgie: [o.s.] How was that?
Dale: Less girls, more getting shot at.
Georgie: [enters] Well, at least you made it out alive.
Dale: Well, then I got married. Made me kind of miss getting shot at.
Georgie: Have you ever been happy?
Dale: Ooh, let's see. No.

Dale: Little late to start a movie.
Meemaw: It's 8:00.
Dale: We're saying the same thing.

Dale: Have you tried the meatballs here? They are fantastic.
Meemaw: I haven't. But speaking of meatballs, I hear you're gonna hang out with my son-in-law.
Dale: Yeah.
Meemaw: Hmm.
Dale: Oh. You don't like that at all.
Meemaw: No, it's fine with me. I hope you all go out and have a grand old time.
Dale: Oh. Yeah, well, what's the matter? You afraid I'm gonna find out all your secrets?
Meemaw: Calm down. You're enjoying this a little too much.
Dale: Enjoying it? I'm loving it. Look how mad you're getting. Come on, what's he got on you? Did you do some jail time? Were you a go-go dancer?
Meemaw: Hmm.
Dale: Have you got a tattoo in a naughty place? Can I see it?

Dr. Linkletter: This will allow us to calculate the speed of sound in the liquid using the standard elements of the Einstein field equations. The answer is only correct, of course, if the density changes slowly. And to begin, we use the standard equations of thermal physics to simplify the answer... [sniffing] Wh-Wha-What am I smelling?
Sheldon: Oh, that might be my sauerkraut and knockwurst.
Ben: [raises hand] It is.
Dr. Linkletter: Why are you eating sauerkraut in my classroom?
Sheldon: I'm acclimating my body to a Germanic meat-based diet.
Dr. Linkletter: At 11:00 a.m.?
Sheldon: It's dinnertime in Heidelberg.
Dr. Linkletter: We're not in Heidelberg.
Sheldon: But I will be over the summer, so I'm trying to adjust my internal clock to the local time so I can hit the ground running mitout jet lag.
Dr. Linkletter: I got to get back to my lecture, if that doesn't interfere with your meal.
Sheldon: Oh, dinner and a show, I love it. Although... would you be a lamb and open this jar of mustard for me?
Dr. Linkletter: Here are two words you don't often hear... poor Germany.

George: "Chicken boo-eh-lon"? What does that even mean?
Mary: Bouillon. It's the tiny cubes that turn into soup.
George: So, the soup aisle?
Mary: There you go.

George: You know, you seem pretty stressed out... Maybe it'd be easier if I go to Germany.
Mary: You got to be kidding.
George: Well, it might make more sense. I got the summer off. And, come on, beer and sausage? I've been training for that my whole life.