Mary: We already looked into private school. We can't afford it.
George: Not unless you're giving me a raise.
Principal Petersen: I'm not.
George: Okay, just checking.

George: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Sheldon: There's going to be a lecture on carbon dating at the Natural Science Museum on Saturday. Who would like to take me?
George: You know what? I'd be happy to.
Meemaw: What happened to helping me at my yard sale?
George: Ooh, is that this Saturday? I'm sorry. I'm taking him to a lecture on, uh what is it? Carbonation?
Sheldon: Carbon dating. A method of determining the age of artifacts and fossils.
George: Hey, we could use that to figure out how old your grandma is.
Sheldon: That won't work. You can't carbon-date something that's alive.
George: Well, then, we'll just chop her down and count the rings.
Meemaw: Oh, George, did my "lump of clay" remark strike a nerve?
George: A little.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Meemaw: You sure you're not jealous 'cause your little brother's moving up in the world?
Georgie: Hey, I got plans of my own.
Meemaw: Do tell.
Georgie: Soon as I graduate high school, I'm gonna be a professional male model.
Meemaw: That is hilarious.
Georgie: What? I'm good-lookin'.
Meemaw: No, that you think you'll graduate high school.
Missy: The model thing was funny, too.

Ms. MacElroy: Tell you what I do. I send him on little errands. Like the other day, I told him, "Go to the supply room and get me a framastan."
Coach Wilkins: What's a framastan?
Ms. MacElroy: No such thing. I made it up. He was gone the whole period.
Ms. Ingram: [laughs] I'm using that.
Ms. MacElroy: Don't use framastan. That's mine.

Adult Sheldon: As you can see, even as a small child, people cherished having me around and wept over my absence.