Connor: Look how gritty this is. Frank Miller really brought a whole new aesthetic to comic books.
Sheldon: Hmm. I've never really thought of it that way.
Adult Sheldon: I was doing it. I was bonding.
Sheldon: Now, would you please put it back in the bag?
Connor: Oh. Sure.
Adult Sheldon: And I was great at it.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Sheldon: Missy and I broke a lot of rules the other night, and we've received no punishment.
George Sr.: [sighs] Buddy, it's been a rough week. We're just glad you're both safe.
Sheldon: But in the absence of a divine being, society's rules are what keeps a person's morality in check.
George Sr.: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: No, y-you're not following me. If actions have no repercussions, society breaks down, everything devolves into chaos.
George Sr.: You might be overthinking this.
Sheldon: I thought so, too. Then I thought about it, and I'm not.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you had one bad night. Just let it go.
Sheldon: But... I did something wrong and I got away with it. That's not okay.
George Sr.: Buddy...
Sheldon: Socrates maintained that the man who lies to himself has an enemy living within. He's not even a person. He's just a chaos of selfish desires wrapped in an animal hide.

Missy: What's it like to not believe in God?
Sheldon: It's great. Big fan.
Missy: Are you ever afraid you're wrong?
Sheldon: About religion? Never. About other things? Also never.

Mandy: [sighs] Hey. I didn't know you were here.
George Jr.: Just checking out the loot. This is amazing. Why don't all bras do this?
Mandy: Take that off.
George Jr.: Well, that's what's great: you don't have to. Look at this.
Mandy: The father of my child.
George Jr.: Ooh, nipple cream. Maybe I should've went to this party. Sounds fun.

Dr. Linkletter: It's open.
Sheldon: Hello. [Dr. Linkletter groans] I was wondering if I could have access to the lab on Sunday.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm not here on Sunday.
Sheldon: Where will you be?
Dr. Linkletter: If I tell you that, you might go there.
Sheldon: Well, I told you where I'll be: the lab.

Mary: All right, please, uh, say goodbye to your husband.
Audrey: Well, you can tell him yourself. He's hiding behind that stack of tires.
[Jim emerges from behind the tires and gives Mary a little wave]
Mary: Bye.