Principal Petersen: 'Cause I have a bet with the Jasper principal and I really don't want to wear a pink cowboy hat to the next pep rally.
George Sr.: [chuckles] I gotta be honest, it'd be going better if Pastor Rob would stay in his lane.
Principal Petersen: Well, I thought the kids liked having him around.
George Sr.: Yeah, 'cause he's filling their heads with junk like they should be treated nice and not get yelled at.
Principal Petersen: Oh. Well, he's one of those, huh?
George Sr.: [chuckles] Yeah. So I can get rid of him?
Principal Petersen: Hell no. We just beat Pineview by 28 points. You telling me God didn't have anything to do with that?
George Sr.: Well, I think I deserve a little credit.
Principal Petersen: Fine, good job. Mustache boy stays.

Sheldon: You wanted to see me?
Principal Petersen: When don't I want to see you, Sheldon? Come in. I have something I'd like to give you. This is a key to the faculty restroom. No students allowed. One person at a time. And unlike the other restrooms, this one gets cleaned every night.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Principal Petersen: No, Sheldon. Thank you.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Principal Petersen: A student like Sheldon comes along... once in a lifetime. This school is not gonna be the same without him. But I know he's gonna do great things. And I'm honored to have been a small part of it.

George Sr.: Hey, Tom, you got a minute?
Principal Petersen: Pretty busy. Make it quick.
George Sr.: It turns out I don't need that raise.
Principal Petersen: What happened, you win the lottery?
George Sr.: No, no.
Principal Petersen: Aw, George, I am so sorry.
George Sr.: Well, what can you do?
Principal Petersen: Listen, I cleared your raise already, why don't you just keep the money.
George Sr.: Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
Principal Petersen: No. No, I mean it. It's yours.

Sheldon: Good morning. I'm Sheldon Cooper. Thank you for taking the time to hear my proposal. I have some handouts.
Mr. Anderson: I-I'm sorry, who are you?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm... Sheldon Cooper. I'm here to pitch my idea for a grant computer database.
Mr. Anderson: How old are you?
Sheldon: When you hear my presentation, I believe you'll realize my age is irrelevant.
Mr. Anderson: So there's no adult with you?
Sheldon: Well, my mom drove me here, but I told her to wait in the car.
Mr. Anderson: Is this a joke?
Sheldon: I assure you, it's not. When I make jokes, I follow them with a "bazinga" so it's clear. Like this: "Bazinga."

Missy: And just so you know, Little Mermaid is rated G, and they totally kiss. On the lips.

Sheldon: No one will even listen to my ideas. I'm being discriminated against because I'm too young.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm sorry to hear that.
Sheldon: I can't wait till I'm your age and people treat me with respect and reverence.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sometimes older people get discriminated against, too.
Sheldon: For what? Getting smaller and cuter year after year? Look at you.