Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. I don't think I can do the assignment.
Dr. John Sturgis: Why not? Just pick either side of any ethical argument and present it.
Sheldon: But how do I know which argument to present?
Dr. John Sturgis: Any one you want.
Sheldon: And how do I know which side to take?
Dr. John Sturgis: Any side you want.
Sheldon: But I want to take the right side.
Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe there is no right side.
Sheldon: [groans] This is torture, and that can't be ethical.
Dr. John Sturgis: There you go! You picked a subject. And a side.
Sheldon: Oh. Good. Torture is unethical. That's clearly the correct position.
Dr. John Sturgis: I agree. But what if there's a bomb hidden underneath the city and someone says that the only way to find out its location is through torture? Answer that.
Sheldon: Let's see. Batman plays by Gotham City rules and would use torture, but Superman's got those Midwest values. I hate ethics!

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Sheldon: Missy and I broke a lot of rules the other night, and we've received no punishment.
George Sr.: [sighs] Buddy, it's been a rough week. We're just glad you're both safe.
Sheldon: But in the absence of a divine being, society's rules are what keeps a person's morality in check.
George Sr.: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: No, y-you're not following me. If actions have no repercussions, society breaks down, everything devolves into chaos.
George Sr.: You might be overthinking this.
Sheldon: I thought so, too. Then I thought about it, and I'm not.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you had one bad night. Just let it go.
Sheldon: But... I did something wrong and I got away with it. That's not okay.
George Sr.: Buddy...
Sheldon: Socrates maintained that the man who lies to himself has an enemy living within. He's not even a person. He's just a chaos of selfish desires wrapped in an animal hide.

Missy: What's it like to not believe in God?
Sheldon: It's great. Big fan.
Missy: Are you ever afraid you're wrong?
Sheldon: About religion? Never. About other things? Also never.

Meemaw: You looking for a new church?
Mary: Not yet.
Meemaw: 'Cause I can see you going Catholic. You got a "get thee to a nunnery" vibe.

Sheldon: Can you two help me with my homework?
George Sr.: Did I hear him right?
Missy: Yeah, he asked for help.
George Sr.: With his schoolwork?
Missy: Yep.
George Sr.: How long have you known him?
Missy: All my life.
George Sr.: Has he ever asked for help?
Missy: No.
Sheldon: Hello.

Sheldon: Good morning, everyone. Niblingo.
Mandy: I'm sorry, what?
Sheldon: It's an honorific I came up with to describe a woman who's carrying my future niece or nephew but is not related to me by law.
Missy: You remember Sheldon.
Mandy: I do.
Missy: [nods] Yeah.