Sheldon: Deep within the Enterprise's control room, Future Worf says, "I willingly sacrifice myself for the good of this mission," then throws himself into the warp core. There's an explosion of tachyons. The Enterprise blasts free of the gigantic field of fungus. Fade out. [toilet flushes] Written by Sheldon Lee Cooper. [George opens the bathroom door] What do you think?
George Sr.: If this Worf fella was infected on the shuttles, why would he come back to the Enterprise and put everyone else in danger?
Sheldon: Well...

George Sr.: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Sheldon: There's going to be a lecture on carbon dating at the Natural Science Museum on Saturday. Who would like to take me?
George Sr.: You know what? I'd be happy to.
Meemaw: What happened to helping me at my yard sale?
George Sr.: Ooh, is that this Saturday? I'm sorry. I'm taking him to a lecture on, uh what is it? Carbonation?
Sheldon: Carbon dating. A method of determining the age of artifacts and fossils.
George Sr.: Hey, we could use that to figure out how old your grandma is.
Sheldon: That won't work. You can't carbon-date something that's alive.
George Sr.: Well, then, we'll just chop her down and count the rings.
Meemaw: Oh, George, did my "lump of clay" remark strike a nerve?
George Sr.: A little.

Meemaw: I bowled a new high score last night.
George Sr.: Nice.
Meemaw: I got two turkeys.
Missy: What's a turkey?
Meemaw: It's three strikes in a row.
Missy: Why do they call it a turkey?
Meemaw: Well, when they first invented bowling, they used to just throw frozen turkeys at the pins. Eventually, they switched to balls to cut down on the smell.
George Sr.: Why you lying to her?
Meemaw: I find it keeps my mind sharp.

Meemaw: [on the phone] But I want to be clear, this is just one of those... Whatcha call it... Uh, platonic things. We're just having dinner.
Dr. Linkletter: I'll take it. Now, would you prefer a restaurant or some good home cooking? I make seven kinds of soup.
Meemaw: I think I'll just stick with a restaurant.
Dr. Linkletter: Fair enough, but one day, you'll try my mushroom barley, and your taste buds will swoon.
Meemaw: Good night, Grant. [starts to put down phone]
Dr. Linkletter: The secret is how long I cook the onions.

George Sr.: What are you doing here?
Meemaw: I ran out of beer at home, didn't feel like driving to the store.
George Sr.: Oh, so you just waltz in and help yourself?
Meemaw: 'Bout sums it up. [hands George a beer]
George Sr.: I'm changing the locks.
Meemaw: [laughs] Cheers.

Missy: We could let people punch you for a buck.
Sheldon: No, all our profit would just go to medical expenses.