Pastor Jeff: Please give us the strength to reflect your abundant love out into the world.
[After Mary, Missy and Sheldon walk out of the church, Sheldon walks back in]
Pastor Jeff: Thank you for bringing us here today to join together in worship.
Sheldon: Excuse me. Am I the only one struck by the incredible hypocrisy of this sermon? You go on and on about loving one another and how God is love. But not when it comes to my mother and our family? And why? Because my brother impregnated a woman years 11 older than him? Which one could argue was an act of love.
Mary: [enters] Sheldon.
Sheldon: At least on his part. She doesn't seem to care for him. Also, earlier, you said "Nebuh-kuh-nezzar."
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: In Hebrew, it would be pronounced "Neboo-kha-nezzar." More in the back of the throat. Kha. Kha.
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Bye. Or in Hebrew, shalom. Which also means "hello." And "peace." Kha! Kha!

Sheldon: Missy and I broke a lot of rules the other night, and we've received no punishment.
George: [sighs] Buddy, it's been a rough week. We're just glad you're both safe.
Sheldon: But in the absence of a divine being, society's rules are what keeps a person's morality in check.
George: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: No, y-you're not following me. If actions have no repercussions, society breaks down, everything devolves into chaos.
George: You might be overthinking this.
Sheldon: I thought so, too. Then I thought about it, and I'm not.
George: Sheldon, you had one bad night. Just let it go.
Sheldon: But... I did something wrong and I got away with it. That's not okay.
George: Buddy...
Sheldon: Socrates maintained that the man who lies to himself has an enemy living within. He's not even a person. He's just a chaos of selfish desires wrapped in an animal hide.

Sheldon: Unbelievable. It's either cartoons or men in their underwear banging their heads together.
Ricky: You complain a lot.
Sheldon: Excuse me?
Ricky: Seriously, dude, you need to relax.
Sheldon: How can I relax? I'm being held captive in a bacterial playground.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: Ergo?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Mary: All right, what do you know?
George: Well, they're probably gonna have to pay some fine, and-and they're gonna need cash.
Mary: My son is gonna be in jail overnight?
George: What about your mother?
Mary: Oh, she's been there before.

Sheldon: Meemaw's in jail?
Mary: Uh... No.
George: Forget about it.
Sheldon: Forget about it? Do I need to remind you I remember my birth?
George: [grunts] Go to your room.
Sheldon: That was a rough day.
Mary: Rough day for me.

Sheldon: What is happening to our family?
Missy: I know. Georgie and Meemaw in jail.
Sheldon: Mom getting kicked out of the church.
Missy: Georgie having a baby out of wedlock. You know what this means, don't you?
Sheldon: What?
Missy: We really are white trash.
Sheldon: Speak for yourself. I'm in college on a full ride. But I wish y'all luck.