George: I mean, I-I just can't win. When I step in, I'm doing it wrong, and when I don't step in, she yells at me.
Coach Wilkins: I hear you.
George: So Darlene does the same thing with you?
Coach Wilkins: No. But I'd hate it if she did. That sounds awful.
George: So, what do you two fight about?
Coach Wilkins: You know, normal stuff. Who loves the other one more. Whose turn it is for a foot rub. Oh, the other day, we did argue about which way the toilet paper should hang.
George: Who won?
Coach Wilkins: I don't remember. We just ended up making love on the bathroom floor.
George: Thank you, Wayne. This has been real helpful.
Coach Wilkins: When was the last time you took Mary out on a date?
George: I couldn't even tell you.
Coach Wilkins: Mm. That poor woman.
George: Hey. You're supposed to be on my side.
Coach Wilkins: I'd like to be. [chuckles] But you're not giving me much to work with.

George: Great practice. Let's gather round, take a knee. All right, Coach. They're all yours.
Coach Wilkins: Thank you, George. Look at you guys. Young, strong, all your hopes and dreams in front of you. None of you have any idea of what's out there waiting for you.
George: Wayne, where you going with it?
Coach Wilkins: A team requires trust. Sure, you can count on your teammates when the ball is snapped. But can you count on them when they're away at a teachers conference with the woman you were gonna spend your life with? Hmm?
George: Okay. "Team" on three.

George: Do you have any women friends?
Coach Wilkins: Uh-oh. Mary finally wise up and kick you to the curb?
George: I'm being serious.
Coach Wilkins: I have plenty of women friends. Matter of fact, my best friend's a woman.
George: Are you gonna say your wife?
Coach Wilkins: You know I am. She got in the shower with me this morning.
George: I don't need to hear that.
Coach Wilkins: How could something be so clean and so dirty at the same time?
George: I'm sorry I asked.
Coach Wilkins: Are you upset 'cause I said she was my best friend and not you?
George: No.
Coach Wilkins: You're in the top three.
George: Stop talking to me.
Coach Wilkins: Definitely my best white friend.

Coach Wilkins: You ever tell him you're proud?
George: He knows.
Coach Wilkins: I think it's important for children to hear it.
George: You don't even have kids.
Coach Wilkins: I teach and coach teenage boys. I also put up with your childish nonsense.
George: Georgie's just being so damn disrespectful, I don't want to reward that.
Coach Wilkins: All right.
George: My father never said he was proud of me. I turned out just fine.
Coach Wilkins: George, I'm just trying to have a nice day, make some white folks uncomfortable. Can you please?

[Sheldon is chuckling as he stares at a blank screen]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Watching last week's Professor Proton in my mind.

George: Hey, Hubert. Was Sheldon in class today?
Mr. Givens: Nope. Haven't seen him all week.
George: Weren't you gonna say anything?
Mr. Givens: I didn't want to jinx it.

George: So he hasn't been in any of your classes?
Ms. Ingram: Mm-mm, not a one.
Ms. MacElroy: Nope.
George: But I bring him here, I take him home he's got to be somewhere in the building.
Ms. Ingram: Mm, I might've seen him in the library. But at this point, I sometimes think I see him when I'm alone in my house.
Ms. MacElroy: Like that creepy Chucky doll in the movies?
Ms. Ingram: [laughs] Exactly!