Missy: Tell you what, Jody. Why don't you go upstairs to your daddy's bedroom, and see how much is in his wallet? Don't worry, it's not stealing if it's for God.

Missy: Well, I'm sure there'll be a bunch of smart other weirdos at "Cowtech."
Sheldon: "Cowtech?"
Missy: Yeah.
Sheldon: Caltech.
Missy: Like calculators?
Sheldon: Like California.
Missy: Oh. Mm. I like mine better.

Sheldon: While Dad's gone, I'm the man of the house, and the man of the house has to enforce the rules.
Missy: The man of the house is about to get his teeth knocked out.
Sheldon: Puberty's made you mean.
Missy: I need to know what happened on my show.
Sheldon: And you'll find out when your privileges are restored.
Missy: I can't wait that long, each episode builds on the last. Imagine a Star Trek that ends with "to be continued," and you don't get to continue.
Sheldon: That would never happen, because I follow the rules.
Missy: You are this close to a purple nurple.
Sheldon: [covers nipples] You leave my nurples alone.

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Listen to this. "French philosopher, mathematician and physicist, Blaise Pascal, argued a rational person should believe God exists because you have everything to gain if you're right, and nothing to lose if you're wrong."
Missy: Sounds right.

Pastor Jeff: Mary, George, I can't thank you enough for this.
Georgie: It was our pleasure.

George: Hey, I haven't seen the pastor. He go home?
Mary: He hasn't come out of Georgie's room.
George: Maybe he found Georgie's magazines.
Mary: He's a man of God.
George: You're adorable.

Pastor Jeff: For so many months, our little parish has been struggling financially. But by the grace of God and his provision, we have received the most donations in church history! Praise Jesus! Praise Jesus!
Sheldon: So it's all Jesus, we don't get any credit?
Missy: We need to start our own church.
Sheldon: They don't pay taxes. It's a very sound business model.