Sheldon: Oh, my.
Mary: What is it?
Sheldon: It's the paper I wrote with Mei-Tung. I'm the coauthor of an article in a highly esteemed physics journal.
Mary: Well, that's neat, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Neat is a robot that doesn't look like a truck that turns into a truck. This treatise revolutionizes the theory of manifolds.
Mary: What word would you like me to use?
Sheldon: How about... transformative?
Mary: Sheldon, that's transformative.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Mary: Oh, Shelly, you got a package from your little friend.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis sent me something? He's so cute.
Mary: No, your tutor friend from Germany.
Sheldon: Mei-Tung was not my tutor, she just assisted me in learning things I didn't understand yet.
Mary: What'd you get?
Sheldon: It's the latest issue of the International Physics Review. "Sheldon, check out page 58. "I never thought I'd be published in such a prestigious journal."
Mary: Wow, good for her.
Sheldon: Good for her? What kind of monster sends mail across multiple time zones just to rub their success in my face? Indulging the ramblings of a child. My respect for this esteemed journal is plummeting.

George: What the hell is... Oh, a snake! Snake! Oh! A snake! [whimpers] Snake! Mary?! Bring a towel!

Georgie: [enters] Got the job. Part-time bag boy.
Jim: Well. They let you take the apron home?
Georgie: Aw, shoot.
Mandy: [chuckles] That's great, Georgie. I'm really proud of you.
Georgie: It's only temporary till I find something better.
[After Jim looks to Audrey, she nods and sighs]
Jim: Listen, Georgie, Audrey and I were thinking... [Audrey clears her throat] I was thinking... I could really use some help down at the tire store.
Georgie: Really? Selling tires? [takes off apron] You are not gonna regret this. I'll work my butt off for you. Nights, weekends, holidays... you name it, I am there.
Jim: Pretty impressive kid, huh?
Audrey: We'll see.
Mandy: "We'll see"? [scoffs] Good job.
Georgie: Told you.

Meemaw: By the way, what is that porta-potty doing out there in your yard?
Mary: We're having plumbing issues. We need a new septic tank.
Meemaw: Ouch.
Mary: Tell me about it. How much you got in there?
Meemaw: None of your business.
Mary: It's in my wall!
Meemaw: It's the devil's money, Mary. You don't want it.
Mary: I don't care. Last night, I went to pee and there was a snake in there.
Meemaw: Here you go. Get yourself some indoor plumbing.
Mary: Oh, Mommy, thank you. [hugs Meemaw]
Missy: [shrieks] Snake's back! Snake's back!
Meemaw: Nice house.

Mary: What are you doing?
Meemaw: Making a withdrawal.
Mary: You put a hole in my wall and hid money in it?
Meemaw: It seemed safe. I mean, who'd look for money in this dump?
Mary: Why do you need it?
Meemaw: Legal fees. Maybe a new gambling room.
Mary: Mom.

Dale: Come on, Connie.
Bryce: Yeah. No one wants to see a grandma behind bars.
Dale: Great-grandma.
Bryce: Oh, wow.
Dale: Yeah. How old are you?
Meemaw: None of your business.
Bryce: So, do I tell 'em we have a deal?
Meemaw: Okay, fine.
Dale: Oh, thank God. I'm too old to find somebody new.

Bryce: I think you should take this deal. Put everything behind you, get on with your life.
Meemaw: What life? I have no life.
Dale: You have me.
Meemaw: Yeah, yeah. What if I had something to offer? Then maybe I could keep my businesses and skip the fine?
Bryce: What are you thinking?
Meemaw: That greedy rat of a cop I was paying off.
Bryce: Rutledge? He's the one who flipped on you.
Meemaw: Son of a bitch. You can't even trust a dirty cop these days.

Bryce: A deal can be made without going to trial. You plead guilty, pay a fine, lose your business license, maybe some community service, probation, but no jail time.
Meemaw: So I'll lose the gambling room, but I can keep the Laundromat and the video store?
Bryce: No. Those are all considered a part of the criminal enterprise. They get confiscated.
Meemaw: What if I fight it?
Bryce: On what grounds?
Meemaw: I didn't have an illegal gambling room. I collected... antique slot machines. It was my hobby.
Bryce: And the evading arrest?
Meemaw: I was just taking my great-granddaughter for a brisk stroll.
Dale: I'm confused. Did we start the insanity thing?

Bryce: The good news is, I've had some encouraging talks with the district attorney, and I think that we can...
Meemaw: Hang on. How old are you?
Bryce: I know I look young, but I'm 24.
Meemaw: You bring me a child attorney?
Dale: Well, you were about to take advice from a 14-year-old.
Bryce: Oh, who's that? I might know him.

Georgie: And the wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." [Audrey stands in the doorway] Don't worry. Daddy'll never let that happen to you. I'm gonna keep you safe. [chuckles] Uh-oh. Somebody needs a new diaper. Come on, let's get you one. Oh, hey. She's got you and Mandy's good looks, but... phew... she poops like her dad. [laughs]
Audrey: Lovely. [walks off]
Georgie: [to CeeCee] Your grandma's coming around on me. [laughs] Yeah, she is.

Audrey: What are you doing?
Georgie: Cleaning out these rain gutters. Otherwise, the water gets backed up and wrecks havoc on your roof.
Audrey: Wreaks... havoc.
Georgie: No, I'm pretty sure it's wrecks, 'cause that's what it do. [Audrey walks off] [Georgie finds an object under the leaves] Oh, look at that. [door opens] Audrey, is this your Wham-O? [door closes] Audrey?

Georgie: Got your eggs, everything on the list.
Audrey: Thank you.
Georgie: Also filled out an application to be a bag boy while I was there.
Audrey: Oh. Wonderful. My son-in-law, the bag boy.
Georgie: It's only temporary. I'll make my way up to cashier, then night manager, then manager-manager, then regional supervisor, then it's just a hop, skip and a jump to HQ. That's short for headquarters.
Audrey: You can do all that without a high school diploma?
Georgie: If you're a member of the can-do club.
Audrey: God help me. [exits]
Georgie: I'll just put these away.
Mandy: [enters] What's the can-do club, and why is my mom so mad about it?

Dale: You know, I have a buddy whose nephew is a lawyer. He's gonna help us out.
Sheldon: Is this because I haven't passed the bar yet? Because that's just a formality. A monkey could do it.
Meemaw: No, I... I think that I'd just feel a little more comfortable if I was getting advice from somebody who had a little more professional experience.
Sheldon: Okay. I mean, I've been doing this for a day and a half, but suit yourself.

Dale: Has this worked before?
Sheldon: It has.
Meemaw: Oh. Well, that's good news.
Sheldon: The bad news is, you'll probably be institutionalized.
Meemaw: You-you... you want me to go to the nuthouse?
Sheldon: I want you to stay out of prison.
Meemaw: Oh, Moon Pie, thank you. Thank you so much. I really do appreciate it, but I'm fine.