Meemaw: Okay, my turn. Um, I am so thankful to be able to watch my grandchildren grow up.
And I can't even tell you how much it means to me that y'all live right across the street.
And if y'all weren't, I would just be heartbroken. And not just heartbroken. Crestfallen and chagrined. And, uh, I'm also thankful for my health, that that mole on my hip turned out to be nothing, and, uh, I'm very thankful for John here, who has brought so much happiness to me.
That's it for me.

Mary: Missy?
Missy: I'm thankful that there's two different Ghostbuster cartoons.
Meemaw: That's it?
Missy: Unless you know about a third one.

Mary: I'm thankful to be surrounded by my loving family.
Missy: What about that guy?
Mary: That guy- Dr. Sturgis Is part of our extended family.
Dr. John Sturgis: Mm, thank you.
Mary: And I'm also thankful for this warm and comfy home that God has blessed us with and this great neighborhood with my mom living right across the street, and of course our excellent school system that provides our children with a world-class education.

Sheldon: Oh dear, Big Bird.

George Sr.: Hey, so listen, how attached are you to living here in Medford?
Missy: I don't know what that means.
George Sr.: If we moved away, do you have really good friends that you'd miss a lot?
Missy: I have really good friends, but I think they would mostly miss me.
George Sr.: 'Cause you make friends wherever you go.
Missy: I do. People are drawn to me.

Missy: Don't be scared, Sheldon, it's just a parade.
Sheldon: I already don't like dogs. Gigantic and floating does not help.

Mary: During dinner, maybe you could express how devastating it would be to be away from the kids.
Meemaw: Well, I don't think I'd use the word "devastating." That doesn't sound like me.
Mary: Okay, well, use whatever word you want.
Meemaw: I might use "heartbroken."
Mary: Good, use that.
Meemaw: Yeah, maybe. Have you got a thesaurus?

Mary: Would you please listen to me? If we move up there, other than holidays, you're not gonna see your grandkids.
Meemaw: Oh, that's a point. You make it sound like a Sophie's Choice kind of deal.

Meemaw: What's up?
Mary: George is up for a coaching job at the University of Tulsa.
Meemaw: Tulsa? Ugh. Last year, I lost $800 on that damn team.
Mary: I'm sorry to hear that.
Meemaw: I'm fine with most of the Division I stuff, but these independent teams, I j- I just can't seem to get a handle on it. You think if George got that job he might give me an inside line?
Mary: Mom.
Meemaw: Well, I'd cut him in, make it look like a Christmas present.

Mary: Listen, I'm gonna need your help with something.
Meemaw: Is it about money?
Mary: No.
Meemaw: Then I'm your gal.

Sheldon: Subject D is attempting to influence Subject G regarding relocating.
George Sr.: What about you, Sheldon?
Sheldon: What about me what?
George Sr.: Could you ever see yourself leaving Medford?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Dad, but I'm unable to express an opinion at this time.
George Sr.: Why not?
Sheldon: In the interest of science, I have to remain a neutral observer.
George Sr.: Glad I asked.

George Sr.: Hey, Georgie, you have any sentimental attachment to this town?
George Jr.: I don't know, why?
George Sr.: I'm just curious if, you know, we ever did pick up and live somewhere else, how you'd feel about it.
George Jr.: Well, if it was Hawaii, I'd feel pretty great. That's where they make Magnum, P.I.
George Sr.: I don't think Hawaii's in the cards.
George Jr.: How about Miami?
George Sr.: Let me guess, 'cause of Miami Vice?
George Jr.: Golden Girls.
George Sr.: Course.
Sheldon: Car.
George Jr.: I saw this one where Blanche dates this little guy who breaks up with her 'cause she's not Jewish. So good.
George Sr.: Forget about Miami and Hawaii and Blanche.

Dr. John Sturgis: Mary, I just can't thank you enough for inviting me today.
Mary: You're very welcome, John. Love having you here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Last Thanksgiving, I just sat in my apartment all by myself and ate a turkey sandwich.
Meemaw: That is so sad.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, it wasn't at the time, but now that I have something to compare it to, I realize what a pathetic loser I was.
Meemaw: You were never a loser.
Missy: Yeah, you were.

Sheldon: Notes for psychology paper.
Missy: What you doing?
Sheldon: Shh. Family conflict has been observed. Subject M and Subject D have opposing views on relocating.
Missy: You better not be recording over my Janet Jackson tape.
Sheldon: Would you please?
Missy: Who's Subject M and Subject D?
Sheldon: I can't tell you that, you might skew the results.
Missy: Okay, then tell me what skew means.
Sheldon: Are you going to talk the whole time?
Missy: It seems to be annoying you, so, yeah.

George Sr.: Hey, listen, something came up today that we need to talk about.
Mary: What's that?
George Sr.: I maybe have a shot at a better job.
Mary: Oh, George, they're finally gonna make you head coach?
George Sr.: Better than that. Special Teams Coach, University of Tulsa.
Mary: In Oklahoma?
George Sr.: That is where they're keeping Tulsa these days.

Mr. Givens: All right, with Thanksgiving weekend approaching, it's the perfect opportunity to observe family dynamics and how our parents, relatives and siblings affect us. Now, the-
Sheldon: Yes, Sheldon. I don't find that interesting.
Mr. Givens: Well, tough knuckles, that's the assignment. Now, you'll all be expected to collect data on your family, form a hypothesis, and make a prediction.
Sheldon: So you're giving us homework for Thanksgiving?
Mr. Givens: Yes.
Sheldon: Oh, boy!

Adult Sheldon: In tenth grade, high school students are presented with picking a class of their own choosing. This is called an elective. Courses on offer included wood shop, I'm happy with ten fingers, thank you; introduction to agriculture, I think you know the answer to that; wrestling, I'd rather milk that cow. All of which led me to the elective I reluctantly chose, Psychology 101, an investigation into why people think and feel the way they do.

George Jr.: [to a tire] Talk to me. Tell me where it hurts. [ESCAPING AIR STOPS] Gotcha.
George Sr.: I got goose bumps.

Adult Sheldon: Since that night, I've battled orcs, zombies, Nazis, Nazi-zombies, a dinosaur in a go-kart, and played Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" on a stringless, plastic guitar. But nothing would ever compare to that first quest with my meemaw. Although Leonard pulling a groin muscle doing Dance Dance Revolution was a close second.

George Sr.: Thanks, Herschel. That does my heart good.
Herschel Sparks: So I guess you got two geniuses in the family.
George Sr.: Guess I do.
Herschel Sparks: Who knows, maybe Missy'll make it three.
George Sr.: Or it's two.