Sheldon: That robotics lecture's going to be eye-opening. Get ready to forget everything you know about robot communication.
Meemaw: Moon Pie, I don't know if we're gonna go to this thing.
Sheldon: Why not? We've established that you're free, and I'm a child, so my schedule's wide open.
Meemaw: It's complicated.
Sheldon: Well, we're just sitting here, and we have to talk about something.
Meemaw: Can you just let this one go?
Sheldon: I think we both know the answer to that question.

George Sr.: Uh, you order something from the Mountain View Candy Company?
George Jr.: Oh, yeah. Thanks.
George Sr.: The hell is it?
George Jr.: A big old box of candy. [closes his bedroom door]
Missy: [opens her bedroom door] What's all this about candy?

Meemaw: You're asking me out in front of my grandson so I can't say no.
Dr. Linkletter: You saw through that.
Meemaw: You think you're pretty smart.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I do have two PhDs and a date with you on Thursday.

Meemaw: [to Dr. Linkletter] Can I speak to you for a moment? [to Sheldon] The grown-ups need to talk.
Sheldon: That wasn't made clear.

Dr. Linkletter: Uh, Sheldon, if you're interested, an old friend of mine is giving a lecture next week on the mathematics of robotic communication.
Sheldon: Really?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes. If your grandmother's willing to drive you, maybe we can all go. Make a night of it.
Sheldon: Oh, we'll be there.
Meemaw: Uh-uh-uh, wait, we-we don't even know what night it is.
Dr. Linkletter: Thursday.
Meemaw: Oh. Thursday might be a problem for me.
Sheldon: Thursday's perfect for you.
Dr. Linkletter: Wonderful.
Meemaw: You don't know that.
Sheldon: Yes, I do. Mondays you have bowling, Tuesday's water aerobics, Wednesday, salsa dancing, Fridays, you bring me here. Your Thursday was wide open, but not anymore. We'll see you then.

Adult Sheldon: Teachers have always been impressed by me. And my new college professor was no exception. You'd think it was my once-in-a-generation intellect. But it was more than that. There was my wicked sense of humor.
Dr. Linkletter: ...explained by maximizing entropy. Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Entropy. It isn't what it used to be.
Adult Sheldon: Plus, when things got heavy, I was always ready with a fun fact to lighten the mood.
Sheldon: Fun fact: Did you know that the ancient incas stored bureaucratic records on knotted strings called "quipu"? Q-U-I-P-U. Quipu.
Adult Sheldon: Whatever the reason, I was clearly his favorite student.
Dr. Linkletter: Connie, what a treat it is to see you.
Adult Sheldon: Look at him smile. He couldn't get enough of me.

Dr. Linkletter: We don't need open strings. We just connect them to a D-brane.
Sheldon: But your theories can't recreate the known symmetries of the real world.
Meemaw: Everything okay in here?
Sheldon: More than okay. We're having a spirited debate on superstring theory.
Dr. Linkletter: Very spirited.
Meemaw: Well, you ready to go home?
Sheldon: Yes. Unless Dr. Linkletter-
Dr. Linkletter: He's ready.
Meemaw: Well, I guess we'll see you next week.
Dr. Linkletter: Sounds good. No wonder Sturgis went crazy.

Pastor Jeff: The Lord just sent me a message.
Officer Robin: Really?
Pastor Jeff: I'm sorry. I can't be in a physical relationship outside of marriage.
Officer Robin: Okay. I respect that.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you.
Officer Robin: So when are we getting married?
Pastor Jeff: Uh...

Pastor Jeff: [answering phone] Hello?
Missy: I lied to you. I wasn't watching TV. I was playing with a Ouija board.
Pastor Jeff: Uh, who is this?
Missy: Missy Cooper, and I'm going to hell.
Pastor Jeff: Uh, Missy, you're- You're not gonna go to hell.
Missy: Yes, I am. God knows what I did. He sees everything.
Pastor Jeff: You're right. God does see everything. But He also just saw you be a good Christian and tell the truth. So I promise, your soul is safe.
Missy: You're sure?
Pastor Jeff: I'm sure.
Missy: If you're lying, you're going to hell, too.
Pastor Jeff: I'm sure.
Missy: [sighs] Thank you.

Missy: I'm going to hell. I'm going to hell.
George Jr.: Relax. Not until you're dead.

Mary: I suppose there's a challenging aspect to them.
George Sr.: There you go. See? Feels good to say it out loud, right?
Mary: Maybe a little.
George Sr.: Hey. Think about how clean the house would be if it was just us.
Mary: Oh, my. [chuckling] So, what did they do in the bathroom?

George Sr.: Well, Wayne and I were discussing marriage, and he was going on about how happy he is. I just wanted to try to work on ours.
Mary: That's really sweet, George. So they go on dinner dates like this?
George Sr.: Oh, they do all kinds of stuff. Line dancing and movie night. You wouldn't believe what they got up to in their bathroom.
Mary: Where do they find the time?
George Sr.: Well- Well, they don't have any kids, so... Son of a bitch! They don't have kids. That's why they're happy.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: It's true. You and I used to be way more fun.
Mary: That may be so, but you can't blame the children.
George Sr.: Oh, I can, and I am. Don't get me wrong. They're great. I love them. But you got to admit that they do not make our lives easy.

Dr. Linkletter: So then we're able to take the ends of the strings and connect them to a ten-dimensional membrane. Yes, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis taught us that if you leave the strings open, it allows far more possibilities.
Dr. Linkletter: We don't believe you need open strings anymore. That's an older model of thinking. Now... Yes, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Just because something is older doesn't mean that it's not still good. Original Star Trek is older than Next Generation, but if you think that Mr. Data is better than Mr. Spock, you don't know what you're talking about.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't know what you're talking about.

Missy: [answering phone] Hello? [to Georgie] It's Pastor Jeff. What do I do?
George Jr.: See what he wants.
Missy: What do you want?
Pastor Jeff: Um, is your mom home?
Missy: No, she went out with my dad. It's just me and Georgie.
Pastor Jeff: Oh. Okay. Well, I hope you two are behaving yourselves.
Missy: We are. We're just watching TV. Okay, bye. [to Georgie] I just lied to a pastor.
George Jr.: So?
Missy: So I'm going to hell!

Missy: If Mom knew this was in the house, she'd lose her mind.
George Jr.: I know. Mom does not like demons.
Missy: So, how does it work?
George Jr.: You put your fingertips on it like this, and you ask it questions. Then the spirits from beyond will move you around the board and answer them.
Missy: Whoa.
George Jr.: Let's try it.
Missy: Okay. [hesitating] Pastor Jeff talked about these in Sunday school. He called them Satan's Monopoly board.

George Sr.: So, this is nice, huh?
Mary: Yes.
George Sr.: [long silence, sighs] Lemon in the water.
Mary: It's weird to look at a menu and not have to wonder what Sheldon won't eat.
George Sr.: It got easier when he printed that card for my wallet.
Mary: Still don't know where he got that laminated.

Dr. Linkletter: Just a warning: today's lecture is rather advanced.
Sheldon: Don't worry. If you get confused, I'll be right here in the front row.

Meemaw: And on that fun note, I'll leave you to it.
Dr. Linkletter: Are you sure you wouldn't like to stay for the lecture?
Meemaw: Oh, no, bad idea. I'm told I snore.

Dr. Linkletter: Connie. So nice to see you.
Meemaw: Nice to see you, too. Sheldon, this is Dr. Linkletter.
Sheldon: Hello.
Dr. Linkletter: [holding out his hand] I've heard so much about you.
Sheldon: Apparently not how I feel about shaking hands.

Sheldon: Same room. Different teacher. Same night. Different time. This is a real roller coaster.
Meemaw: Yeah, it's wild.