Dr. Linkletter: What do you want?
Sheldon: I need you to talk to Dr. Sturgis. He's wasting his time working in a grocery store.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, then the rumor is true?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. Linkletter: Good, I spread it heavily at the faculty mixer.
Sheldon: Well, please. He won't listen to me. I'm hoping you can talk some sense into him.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, he's a grown man. Perhaps in a little apron with a nametag... Is how I'm picturing it.
Sheldon: That's exactly right.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent.

Sheldon: So, will you talk to him?
Dr. Linkletter: Look, if he doesn't want to come back, I certainly can't force him.
Sheldon: But he's wasting his potential.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm just curious, if he were to come back, would you spend more time with him, and therefore less time with me?
Sheldon: I suppose so. Why?
Dr. Linkletter: No reason. Get out.

Principal Petersen: [scoffs] Well, you saying you're gonna drop out?
George Jr.: I guess I am.
Principal Petersen: Does your father know about this?
George Jr.: No.
Principal Petersen: Don't you think you should tell him?
George Jr.: I don't really want to.
Principal Petersen: Well, if you don't tell him, I'm going to.
George Jr.: That'd be great. You're the best.
[Georgie gets up and starts to walk away, before returning for the teenage pregnancy pamphlet]
George Jr.: You never know.

Meemaw: The kid's a natural salesman. I mean, school's not gonna help with that.
Mary: So, you are fine with your grandson throwing his life away so that he can sell fishing rods and baseball bats?
Dale: Excuse me, those fishing rods provided a nice life for me and my family.
Mary: What family? You're divorced, and your kids don't talk to you.
Dale: [to Meemaw] Help me out here.
Meemaw: A diploma would not have made his life better.
Dale: Thank you. What she said.

Sheldon: Ooh. Perhaps this is a good time for a physics joke.
Missy: It isn't.
Sheldon: That's the cool thing about physics, time is relative. Okay, here we go. Why was the pirate worried that his shoes were less than "H"? [silence ] Because he had to walk the Planck. [silence] Get it? Because Max Planck is a famous physicist who discovered a constant which is represented by "H." And then he...

Missy: So can anyone drop out or do you need to be a certain age?
Mary: You are not dropping out of school.
Sheldon: Until you're 16... then they legally can't stop you.
Missy: Good to know.
Mary: This is exactly what I was afraid of.
George Sr.: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: I would encourage you to love and nurture the one child you have who's destined for success.

George Sr.: What are you thinking?!
Dale: I'm thinking I should've went home after your wife left.

George Sr.: Georgie's only got one more year of school, and then he can do whatever he wants.
Dale: I don't want to come between you and your family.
George Sr.: Too late.
Meemaw: Listen, I know you're upset, but the person you ought to be yelling at is Georgie, not us.
George Sr.: I yelled at him... it didn't help!
Meemaw: Is this helping?
George Sr.: A little, yes.

Dr. Linkletter: [on answer phone] This is Grant Linkletter. I'm not home, please leave a message.
Sheldon: [leaves a message] Dr. Linkletter, Sheldon Cooper. I haven't heard back from you. I hope everything went well with Dr. Sturgis. Perhaps you two got caught up discussing physics. Time does fly when you're having fun.

Dr. Linkletter: So what do we do about it?
Dr. John Sturgis: We sing.
Dr. Linkletter: What do we sing?
Dr. John Sturgis: [sings] ♫ When you're too old to work ♫ ♫ And you're too young to die ♫ ♫ Who will take care of you? ♫ ♫ How will you get by? ♫ ♫ When you're too old to work ♫ ♫ And you're too young to die ♫ ♫
Dr. Linkletter: I don't think I know that one.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hmm. Do you know "Lollipop"?

George Sr.: Sorry I got riled up.
Dale: Don't worry about it.
Meemaw: Mary's over here all the time yellin' about something... it was a pleasant change of pace.

Missy: Not a problem if I marry a rich guy.
Mary: You should marry someone for love.
Sheldon: You married Dad for love and there's a lot of bickering.
Missy: That's not true.
Mary: Thank you.
Missy: She married him 'cause she was pregnant.
Mary: I can finish these up on my own.
Missy: Good, I have a date with Fresh Prince, who by the way is so rich.

Meemaw: Okay, here's the deal. You get one night here, then you're out.
George Jr.: You're not being very grandmotherly right now. Where's the milk? Where's the cookies?
Meemaw: Do you believe this kid?
Dale: I could go for a cookie.
Meemaw: No one's gettin' a cookie!

George Sr.: Kids in bed?
Mary: Not all of 'em.
George Sr.: Mary, if we let Georgie stay here, we're just makin' this all too easy for him.
Mary: I don't want to fight. I just want to know that our son is okay.
George Sr.: He's fine. He's stayin' at your mom's.
Mary: [sighs] Well, that's something. Although, where does she get off thinking that it's a good idea for him to drop out of school and then lettin' him live with her after he does it.
George Sr.: That's what I said.
Mary: Good! Maybe they'll learn to mind their own business!
Sheldon: [enters] Will you please stop fighting?
Mary: Oh, no. Sweetie, no, we're not fighting. We're just agreeing with each other angrily.

Officer: Hey, pal, wake up.
Dr. Linkletter: [wakes up] What's happening?
Officer: You can't sleep there.
Dr. Linkletter: Right, sorry. Excuse me. You didn't happen to see a small bald man around here, did you? Possibly singing "Lollipop"?
Officer: What?
Dr. Linkletter: Never mind. [looks around] Where the hell am I?

Adult Sheldon: I've always had a curious affinity for Laundromats. Perhaps it's the rows of mechanical devices dedicated to a cleaner world. Or maybe it's the hypnotic rotation of spinning clothes on their sudsy journey to a fluffy, stain-free future. Mmm, look at 'em. Where was I? Oh, yes. Laundromats. My meemaw also loved them, but for an entirely different reason.
Meemaw: Banana, banana... Whoo! [laughs]
Adult Sheldon: Personally, I don't care for bananas. It's a texture thing.

Sheldon: Fun fact... did you know the knife goes on the right because it was the first utensil, and most people are right-handed?
Missy: Did you know I set the table and no one said thank you?
Sheldon: No one thanked me for my fun fact. You don't hear me complaining.

Mary: Okay, what if he pitches in here?
George Sr.: Like what, rent?
Mary: Yes. You would do that, right?
George Jr.: I guess so.
Sheldon: Sounds like someone needs a rental agreement. I'll go get my legal pad.

Missy: Pay to live here? We don't even have a pool.

Dale: So, there's a secret back room at the Laundromat where you gamble?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Dale: And you never told me?
Meemaw: Well, this is how secrets work.
Dale: Uh-huh. What else aren't you telling me?
Meemaw: Let me explain secrets.