Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

George: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Dale: Little late to start a movie.
Meemaw: It's 8:00.
Dale: We're saying the same thing.

Paige: I'm messing with you. It's just, sometimes life sucks, and it's easier not to deal with it.
Sheldon: Could you be more specific?
Paige: Um... well, I have no friends, I don't fit in anywhere, and I dropped out of college but I'm too young to get a job, so killing brain cells makes it easier.
Sheldon: Huh.
Paige: Go ahead, smart guy, fix me. [Sheldon is silent] Mm.
Sheldon: Well, give me a minute.

Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Paige: Would you believe me if I told you I was working on a femtosecond laser in the engineering department?
Sheldon: Yes.
Paige: Then that.